


Little Talks

by KnownAsEmrys



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blurring the lines of friendship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, Minor Character Deaths, Slow Build, well-meaning friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2018-10-22 12:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 57,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10696611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnownAsEmrys/pseuds/KnownAsEmrys
Summary: Merlin lost the three most important people to him and unsurprisingly he has a hard time adjusting to it. He loses his job and he no longer has anywhere to go when his apartment building gets torn down. Luckily, Arthur, the man he's only met twice, and who is adored by their mutual friends, has a spare room.Or,In which Merlin needs a place to stay and his friends decide to move him in with the rich workaholic he barely knows.





	1. The Power of Lancelot and Guinevere's Puppy Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh I don't know where the idea for this came from, but this is what it's lead to.
> 
> Titled after the song by Of Monsters And Men

Arthur stared down the page in front of him, knowing _something_ was wrong, but not quite sure what. He was midway through the novel and there was something nagging at him about the scene he’d just read. Since it wouldn't come to him, he went back to the beginning and skimmed through until it finally struck it him what was wrong.

“The timeline doesn't match up!” He exclaimed loudly to his empty office.

Arthur made note of the consistency error and kept reading, making corrections to the text as he went. He worked for another hour before his assistant Elena knocked on the door to his office and barged in before he could tell her to come in.

“If you don't leave now, you'll be late for dinner with Lance and Gwen,” Elena said, not bothering with a greeting.

Arthur yawned and started to organize his desk, too drained to comment on his assistant’s lack of manners. “Where are we meeting again?”

“That fancy Italian place where Lance originally wanted to propose.” Elena answered, rubbing her pregnant stomach absentmindedly.

Arthur rolled his eyes. “You mean Giovanni’s?”

“Yeah, that place!” Elena confirmed with a nod of her head

Arthur put the thick stack of papers into his messenger bag before standing up and slinging it over his body. Elena walked with him instead of going over to help Kelsey finish her work as she usually did meaning she had something to tell him.

He listened patiently as she repeated office gossip, knowing she’d get to what she needed to say eventually. It wasn't until they were alone in the elevator that she stopped gossiping.

“Your father made an appointment to meet with you next Wednesday,” Elena said.

Arthur stiffened. “Do you know what he wants?”

“He wouldn't say.” Elena tried to offer him a reassuring smile, but it came out as a grimace.

Arthur sighed. “Well, if he doesn't keep me too long, do you want to have lunch after?”

“Sure!”

The doors opened and Arthur kissed her cheek before stepping off.

It was never fun when his father scheduled a meeting with Elena instead of going directly to him and asking to go to lunch.

_What could he possibly want?_

* * *

 

Arthur was happy to listen to Guinevere and Lance talk about their day respectively as he ate his Alfredo. He was starving and exhausted from work so they could not let him say a word all night and Arthur wouldn't mind one bit. 

Though things took an unxpected turn when he was about halfway finished with his food. 

“Arthur, you know we wouldn't ask you for something unless it was really important,” Gwen started and Arthur paused with his fork in midair to look at her,”and I know what we’re asking is a lot, but we don't know who else to turn to.”

Arthur put his fork down and straightened in his seat. “ _What_ exactly are you asking?”

Gwen looked at Lancelot for reassurance before she turned back to Arthur. “Our friend, Merlin, has had a tough couple of months and we’re really worried about him.”

“He lost his mom, his best friend, his girlfriend all in the same night and he’s been so torn up that he lost his job.” Lancelot added.

Arthur frowned. “That's awful!”

Arthur couldn't fathom how much it must have hurt to lose _three_ people all at once. He had only ever lost his mother and he hadn't been old enough to really process grief.

_I don't think I could survive losing Uther, Morgana and Leon in one fell swoop._

“It is,” agreed Lance, squeezing Gwen’s hand.

“So, what do you need from me?” Arthur asked.

If it was a job or a loan he would say yes immediately purely out of the need he had to help others. 

Gwen and Lance shared a look, as if trying to decide who would answer until finally, Gwen met his eyes and said, “Well, you see, Merlin’s apartment building is getting torn down and originally he was going to move to London with his girlfriend, but then the accident happened and now he doesn't have anywhere to go. So we were hoping you’d let him take the spare room at yours?"

Arthur stared at her in surprise.  “I barely know the man and you want me to let him move in?”

“Um.....yes?” Gwen replied hesitantly.

“Why can't he live with you?” Arthur asked.

“Elyan’s back.”

“Right,” he said. "Its about time he reappears."

“Will you please let Merlin live with you?” Gwen asked hopefully.

Arthur opened his mouth to refuse, but then he saw the way Lance was looking at him, up through his lashes with wide, pleading eyes. “No, don't you dare look at me like that! Gwe - no not you too!”

Guinevere was giving him her best puppy eyes as well. “Please, Arthur? It's just until he gets back on his feet.”

“We wouldn't ask this of you unless we had no other choice,” Lance reiterated.

Arthur had never been able to say no those damn eyes. “Does he really have nowhere else to go?”

Gwen shook her head as Lance started pouting, completing the pathetic pleading puppy look he was going for.

Arthur narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms as he considered letting Merlin move in.

The action did nothing to keep him from giving in to the pathetic looking eyes staring at him. 

“Fine,” he conceeded eventually,”but only if I don’t have to help him move in.”

Gwen got up to pull him into a crushing hug. “Thank you so much. Arthur, I can’t tell you how much this means to us!”

“You're - “ Lance was suddenly hugging him too, making it hard to breathe, “you're….wel...come.”he breathed.

After they finally stopped thanking him and sat back down, Gwen turned deadly serious as Arthur picked up his fork again. 

_I'm not gonna like this._

“There’s something you should know about Merlin,” Gwen said.

“And of course you waited until _after_ I agreed to tell me,” Arthur muttered, putting his fork down again. 

Gwen ignored him. “As you can imagine, Merlin’s having a rough go of things and he’s not been acting like himself.”

“You said you were worried about him,” Arthur said. “He’s not on drugs, is he?”

“No, but we do think he’s depressed,” Gwen explained.

“All he's done since the funeral is lay about the house half naked and watch Netflix. He barely eats, barely talks, forgets to shower and sleeps all the time.” Lance interjected. 

"So we just ask that you make sure he eats something and  that maybe you give him a nudge to shower once in awhile," Gwen said. 

“I think I can handle that,” Arthur decided.

“Just try not to upset him.” Lance said. “He can be a bit impulsive sometimes.”

Arthur swallowed as a question he didn't want to ask popped into his head. “He’s not….You don't think he’d off himself, do you?”

Gwen shook her head. “No, but he can be a bit stubborn and might do something Arthur-level stupid."

Arthur scowled, but wasn't able to get out his scathing comeback when he registered how  _sad_ and _worried_  she looked - how they both looked.

"I won't upset him," he promised instead. 

 

* * *

 

At 3AM, Arthur found himself sitting on his guest bed, sipping Apple juice and surveying the room. It looked mostly clean, but Arthur suspected he would have to dust it and wash the bed set before Merlin moved in.

Gwen had told him that they would move Merlin in on Tuesday while he was at work so they wouldn't disturb him with all the noise or the mess.

It had occured to him after dinner that Merlin really didn't have anywhere else to go. Gwaine and Elena wouldn't have room once the baby came, Leon and Percival's flat was barely enough to accommodate them, let alone another person and apparently Elyan was back in Gwen's life and taking up the spare room at her's and Lance's. Living with someone outside their group of friends wasn't an option either. Gwen had told him that Merlin had never met his extended family and he had never met his father so he was all alone family wise. 

He didn't really know much about Merlin since he had gotten a promotion around the time the other man had found his way into their group of friends. Uther had upped his workload and Arthur had found it hard to hangout with all of his friends at once like he used to. Suddenly it was a lunch here with Elena and Gwaine, or a night at the pub with Percy or Leon or a dinner with Lance and Gwen, but never any group gatherings. 

Arthur had seen countless pictures of the other man over the years, but he’d only actually seen Merlin in person twice and neither of those times were recent so it felt like he was trying to remember someone he hadn't actually met. 

All he really knew about Merlin besides what he learned tonight was that their mutual friends seemed fiercely protective of him and always seemed to have an air of fondness about them as they told stories of him. Well, he was also seventy percent sure Merlin had dated Percival, but all that really told him was that he had good taste in men, which wasn't particularly helpful. 

_He can't be too bad though, can he?_

Arthur didn't know what to expect from Merlin, he just hoped he would be able to handle whatever changes his new roommate brought.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be up shortly but every other chapter of this? Idk. We'll see what happens.


	2. Merlin's (Non) Resistance

Merlin stared at his TV, trying to block out the sounds of Lance, Percival, Leon and Gwen shuffling about his apartment. They were packing all of his things so he could go live with one of their rich friends who happened to have a spare room available.

Merlin didn’t really know much about this Arthur guy besides that he was a workaholic and didn't get out much which is why they’d only met twice before, not that Merlin actually remembered either time particularly well. If Merlin had had any fight left in him, he might have protested at being expected to move into some stranger’s flat, he might have insisted on at least meeting the man (again) before agreeing to anything, but he didn't, and was going to let it happen.

Merlin closed his eyes, deciding to take a nap. He was always tired no matter how much sleep he got, but he didn't have a job so it didn't matter that he never seemed to have the energy to do anything.

When he next opened his eyes he saw Gwaine sitting on the coffee table in front of him, just watching him. Merlin watched him back, wondering if the other man would say anything.

Eventually, Percy called, “Gwaine!” from somewhere in the apartment. 

“I'm taking you to dinner,” Gwaine said, still looking at Merlin.

Merlin nodded.

Gwaine threw a pair of jeans and a hoodie at Merlin. “Put these on and get ready to leave.”

Again, Merlin nodded.

Gwaine left him as Elena called for him this time.

Merlin sat up slowly and put on the hoodie, zipping it up as he stood to pull on the jeans. Lately, his friends had been stopping by more frequently to make sure he ate despite him telling them repeatedly he was more than capable of feeding himself. It was usually easier to just accept he was going to have to eat in front of them if he wanted to get back to his cocoon of blankets and endless cycle of Netflix binging.

Merlin pulled on his converse, then sat on his couch and waited patiently for Gwaine to collect him. He grabbed his phone from the coffee table and was unsurprised he didn't have any messages as all of his friends were currently at his place

He played against the Innkeeper in Hearthstone until Gwaine patted his shoulder and told him they were going. He got a couple of friendly touches as he passed by a few of the others and he managed a smile in return.

By their reactions, Merlin could guess it hadn't been as happy as he’d meant it to be. Though he knew they understand why it was so hard for him to do something so simple anymore, it made him feel a bit guilty that he just _couldn't_.

 

* * *

 

As they ate, Gwaine talked about Elena and the pregnancy and Merlin just listened quietly, laughing when Gwaine told him how Elena kept pushing him off the bed in the middle of the night so he slept on the couch most of the time. Gwaine would occasionally remind Merlin he was supposed to be eating, but mostly he just chatted away and for a moment, Merlin could pretend he was fine.

Of course, that didn't last.

Merlin had eaten all of his burger and was picking at his fries when Gwaine suddenly turned serious. “Why do you barely speak anymore?”

Out of all the questions Merlin would have expected, this wasn’t one of them. “I speak plenty,” Merlin protested weakly, voice rough from disuse. 

Gwaine stared at him, unimpressed. “Do you know how many words you said today?”

Merlin frowned. “Nobody counts the words they say that's just weird.”

Gwaine ignored him. “You've said twenty words today. Eleven of them were _okay.”_

Merlin scowled. “You weren't even around most of the day, how could you possibly know that? Did Gwen tell you?” 

“Merlin, we’re all worried about you,” Gwaine told him. “You barely eat, you sleep all day, lounge around in just your boxers and don't seem incredibly inclined to speak unless prompted."

Merlin looked down at his plate so he didn't have to see the concern shining in his friend’s eyes. “I'm just trying to adjust,” Merlin said quietly.

Gwaine reached across the table and grabbed his left hand, placing it in between both of his. “ _Are_ you though?”

Merlin didn't answer so Gwaine continued. “Because it’s almost like you've given up. I mean, we’re moving you in with someone you don't even know and you don't even seem to care." 

Gwaine paused to see if Merlin would respond before he spoke again. “Merlin, you're one of the most stubborn guys I've ever met. You always have something to say, you never take anything lying down and you rarely bite your tongue, but you haven't so much as made a sarcastic comment in _months._  Nowadays, we’re lucky if you react _at all_.”

Another pause, another opportunity for Merlin to speak that he didn't take.

"We _miss_ you." Gwaine said. "We can spend an entire day in the same room as you, but still feel like we haven't seen you at all."

Merlin felt tears prick his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall. “I want to go home,”he said hollowly, pulling his hand away from Gwaine.

“Merlin - “

“Take me home _now_ ,” Merlin snapped, making the mistake of looking at Gwaine who visibly flinched at his tone.

“Don't do this,” Gwaine pleaded as Merlin stood up.

“Don’t do _what_?” Merlin asked irritatedly.

“Push me away,” Gwaine said softly - so softly Merlin felt like a knife was twisting in his heart.

Merlin stared straight ahead, not registering his surroundings. “If you won't take me home, I'll just walk.”

He heard Gwaine sigh and shift in the booth. “Let me pay and we'll leave.”

“I'll wait by the car,” Merlin said, aiming for neutrality.

Gwaine muttered a quiet, “Okay.”

Merlin could already feel the guilt and shame threatening to overwhelm him as he made his way out of the diner. He knew he shouldn't have reacted the way he did, but he didn't want to talk about how he’d changed since that night. He wasn't ready to burden his friends with the crushing weight he was trapped under.

It wasn't like he didn't have moments where he felt okay or even happy, but they sure did come few and far between. He was aware he wasn't the same as before, but it had only been two and a half months since he lost three of the most important people in his life. No one should be surprised he still hadn’t recovered. 

Gwaine didn’t say a word to Merlin the whole ride home and the silence was suffocating.

_I'm sorry._

He wanted to say. 

_I don't mean to push you away._

He wanted to insist.

  _I just need some time._

He wanted to reassure. 

But he didn't. 

* * *

 

Merlin waited until all of his friends left before he went to the kitchen, wrapped in a blanket, and laid down on the table. When he was younger, he didn't know how to ask for attention when he needed it, so he would just lay on the kitchen table until his mother sat in the chair in front of him and asked him what was wrong. It was a habit he’d never grown out of and all of friends knew why he did it.

Tonight though, he didn't want attention from anyone he just wanted to lay there and imagine the soothing words his mother might tell him if she were there to see him. 

_“You'll get through this sweetie. You’re so strong and you can get through anything life throws at you.”_

_“But what if I can't be strong this time?”_

_“Then be brave. All bravery is is pretending you’re not afraid as you face what scares the hell out of you.”_

“But what if that's living in a world without you?” He asked aloud, throat tight. “Without Freya? Without Will? What if _that’s_ what scares the hell out of me?”

Merlin didn't know when he started crying, but he knew he wouldn't stop until he finally passed out. “How am I supposed to face that? How can I even pretend to?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk why I'm doing this to Merlin, he deserves nothing but happiness and yet here I am not giving him any.
> 
> Anyways, your thoughts so far would be greatly appreciated.


	3. Move In Day

Arthur jerked up, blinking rapidly as he forced himself to wake up. He pulled a paper that had stuck to his face off just as Elena walked in with a cup of coffee.

“Figured you needed a little pick me up after I came in earlier and you were dead to the world,”Elena explained as she handed him the mug.

Arthur took a big sip, not caring he burned his tongue slightly and let out a soft sigh. 

“Why are you so tired anyway?” Elena asked.

Arthur yawned. “Couldn't sleep.” 

“Is it because Merlin’s moving in today?” Elena guessed.

“Partly. I kept going into his room to make sure everything was clean,”Arthur admitted.

Elena chuckled. “Always such a worry wart.”

Arthur glared at her as he took another sip of his coffee.

“Oh don't look at me like that, it's adorable,” Elena said.

Arthur gave up trying to drink anymore since he didn't want to burn his tongue yet again, setting the mug on his desk with resignation. “Thanks for the coffee. You haven't happened to order lunch yet have you?”

“Put in a call while I was making your coffee. I ordered you your favorite from that Thai place you like. It should be here in roughly twenty minutes.”

Arthur grabbed her hand and kissed it. “Have I ever told you how wonderful you are?”

Elena laughed, ruffling his hair playfully. “Only when you’re drunk or hungry.”

Arthur moved away from her, fixing his hair back. “Weird how I always seem to like you better then.”

“Oh stuff it, you know you love me.” Elena said with a cheeky grin.

Arthur gave a put upon sigh. “I suppose I must.”

Elena pinched his cheek until he swatted her away. “I've got to get back to my desk, but I'll bring your food when it gets here.”

“Thanks, El.”

“It’s what I'm here for.” Elena said.

The door almost shut before Elena popped her head in. “Oh! Gwen called and told me to tell you to check your phone.”

Arthur felt around for his phone as she left him to his own devices. He eventually found it on the floor underneath his desk, unsure of how it got there.

He opened the first message Guinevere sent him and saw she’d sent him a few different pictures. The first one was of Percy sitting on a large box, grinning at a hand that was coming from underneath one of the flaps.

The caption read, **|** _He’s trapped Gwaine in there._ **|**

Arthur chuckled. _Typical._

The next picture was of Lance wrestling on the guest bed with Merlin.

 **|** _Merlin tried to get out of unpacking by sleeping, but Lance wouldn't let him._ **|**

The third picture was Percy sort of wearing a shirt that looked like it was about to explode if he tried to pull it down any further.

 **|** _He spilled coffee on his shirt and tried to borrow one of Merlin's._ **|**

Arthur burst out laughing. _Oh my god. This. This is the highlight of my day._

When he finally stopped laughing he looked at the fourth picture to find it was of Leon and Merlin fast asleep on Arthur’s bed, not cuddled up exactly, just laying side by side.

 **|** _I expected this from Merlin, but Leon?_ **|**

Arthur shook his head. Today was Leon’s only day off in three weeks and it was only since Uther had gone to visit Morgana in New Jersey so it wasn't that surprising he had fallen asleep at the first opportunity.

 **|** _It looks like you've had quite the day. Tell Percy he can borrow one of my shirts._ **|**

Arthur pocketed his phone and got on his laptop to check his emails, deciding he could continue editing after lunch. He internally groaned when opened one from him his father, urging him to finish editing the last book of one of their most successful series to date before the following Monday.

 

* * *

 

Merlin opened his eyes slowly and realised he was sleeping on Leon’s chest. He tried to roll away, but found another warm body blocking his way. He craned his neck and saw Lance was practically wrapped around him, his arm tightly wrapped around Merlin’s waist.

Merlin sighed, accepting his fate and nuzzling into Leon’s chest. It wasn't like anyone would know he’d woken up at some point and chosen not to wake the others so he could leave.

He really missed falling asleep with someone else beside him.

 

* * *

 

Merlin was vaguely aware of Percival tugging him off the bed as he started to wake up.

“No don't send that to Arthur,” protested Lance grumpily.

Merlin wrapped his arms around Percy’s neck now the he was being carried bridal style.

“You're lighter than you used to be,” Percival commented.

“Makes it easier to sweep me off my feet,” Merlin mumbled sleepily against his neck.

“Apparently it doesn't make you any funnier,” Percy teased.

“Shut up, Jolly Green,” Merlin muttered.

“Do you want something to drink before I put you in your cocoon?” Percival asked.

“It's not a cocoon.” Merlin said petulantly.

He was the only one who could call it that.

Percy ignored him. “I'll get you some water.”

Percy dumped Merlin on the soft black couch on top of his blankets, grinning when Merlin let out an undignified squawk. Merlin was left to wrap himself in his covers and figure out the controls of the television, ignoring the Xbox for now while Percy went to the kitchen.

Merlin had just found the cooking channel when Percival handed him a bottle of water and a cheese stick and joined him on the couch.

“We're mostly done moving you in,” Percy informed him.

Merlin nodded.

Percy didn't say much as they watched TV, only making little comments about the cupcakes and Merlin was relieved. He had been worried his friend might want to continue the conversation Gwaine had started the week before.

Gwaine and Percival were awfully close so it wouldn't have surprised him if he had felt the need to pry. Especially since Merlin and Percy had dated for awhile before he had got together with Freya.

While they were only friends now, what they had shared had left a special connection between them and sometimes they were the only one the other would be willing to talk to when something was wrong. Merlin was grateful he didn't take advantage of it now, but he knew he likely would when he thought Merlin would be the most willing.

Eventually the others appeared, Leon offering Percy a ride home that he accepted before they said their goodbyes and left. Lance and Gwen went to the kitchen, telling Merlin they needed to do a bit of cleaning before they left. He suspected they were lying and just wanted to minimize the time he was alone before Arthur came home, but he wasn't going to call them out on it.

He laid down in his cocoon and turned on the Xbox to get to Netflix, finding out Arthur’s gamertag was simply Pendrag0n didn't really tell him as much as he wanted. He found Breaking Bad and ignored the sounds of the others in the kitchen.

When they finally came to tell him goodbye, Gwen took a picture of him and then they took turns hugging him.

“Call if you need anything,” Lance said.

Merlin nodded and before he knew it, he was all alone.

 

* * *

 

 

Arthur was just getting into the elevator to leave when his phone buzzed. He had received another picture from Guinevere, this one he had to click on to properly see what she wanted him to.

At first, he thought it was just a pile of blankets on his couch, but then he saw a mop of black hair and realized _Merlin_ was the pile of blankets.

He read the caption which said, **|** _This is where he'll be when you get home. Make sure you both eat something, okay?_ **|**

_What do you feed a complete stranger?_

The doors opened as he called Gwen to ask what he should get them for dinner.

 

* * *

 

Arthur walked into his apartment feeling nervous as he saw Merlin sitting on the couch, wrapped in blankets, and watching Breaking Bad. Arthur set the tray that held their drinks on the kitchen table first, then put their food down next to it, glad to finally not have to try and balance everything.

“Hey,” Arthur greeted as he walked up behind the couch.

“Hi,” Merlin said, not turning around.

“I brought dinner,” Arthur informed him.

“Okay.”

Arthur frowned. 

_That's it?_

“Come eat with me in the kitchen," Arthur said. 

At first, he thought Merlin would ignore him, but then the other man stood slowly, his many covers falling from his body to land in a heap on the couch.

Arthur felt himself blush as he realized Merlin wore only a pair of boxers. He’d forgotten the bit about Merlin walking around half naked all the time, focused more on the depressed thing.

Merlin finally turned to look at him, his eyes widening momentarily before he looked away and grabbed a hoodie that must of been hidden in the blankets. “Sorry. I forgot I took this off,” Merlin apologized as he zipped up his hoodie.

“It's fine,” Arthur assured him before turning around and heading to the kitchen table. “I bought nachos.”

“From The Grill?” Merlin asked hopefully as he paused Netflix.

"Yes. I was told you only like the nachos from there." Arthur said as he set the containers on the table. 

Merlin nodded. "They're the only place that gets the cheese just right."

Arthur sat down and pulled a container closer to him.  "Well I've never had their nachos before so I guess I'll find out."

Merlin didn't seem inclined to talk as they ate and Arthur was too exhausted from work to force a conversation so the room was filled with the sound of crunching.

After their quiet dinner and confirming to Gwen that he fed Merlin, Arthur went to take a shower and Merlin went back to watching Breaking Bad in the living room.

 

* * *

 

Merlin didn't remember Arthur being quite so attractive the last time they'd met face to face and it made him question whether or not he could keep up his  _no shirt, no pants, no problems_ policy. He knew nothing could ever happen between the two of them and he currently didn't _want_ anything to happen, but living with someone who looked they'd come straight out of catalogue wasn't something he had anticpated. 

Merlin grabbed his phone and texted Gwaine. 

 **|** _Why are the lot of you so attractive? Arthur looks like some kind of model._   **|**

Merlin wrapped himself in his blankets and settled into the couch before Gwaine texted him back. 

 **|** _We sold our souls to the devil._ **|**

Merlin chuckled. He was going to toss his phone onto the coffee table when it buzzed again. 

 **|** _Don't go falling in love with, Princess, now._ |

Merlin rolled his eyes. | _All_   _I said is he's attractive. I wouldn't worry about me falling in love._ **|**

Gwaine took so long to text back that Merlin assumed he wasn't going to respond, but then his phone buzzed again. 

 **|** _I would._ _Princess is annoyingly perfect sometimes and that heart of yours has fallen for less than enough times to think it a possibility. |_

Merlin frowned. It was a low blow to bring up the series of failed relationships he had had in London before moving to New York. 

 **|** _I don't think I can fall in love again._ **|** Merlin typed the words quickly, but hovered over send when he realized what he'd said.

_I can't send that. It's too honest. He'll insist on talking again._

Merlin deleted the text and instead sent.  **|** _Shut up, Gwaine._ _I'm not going to fall in love with Arthur._ **|**

Gwaine's response was just as annoying as he expected it to be. 

| _Is it because of your torrid affair with our dear Leon and our sweet Lancelot? Oh, Merlin, how could you do this to our lovely Guinevere? I didn't think you the type._ **|**

Merlin rolled his eyes.  **|** _You keep irritating me like this and I'll show Elena the pictures of us at that Halloween party._ **|**

Gwaine's response was immediate. |  _Okay, okay, I'll stop! |_ then another text came in.  **|**   _Joking aside, I do think you and Arthur will get along fine. As friends, that is._ **|**

 **|** _What makes you say that?_ **|** Merlin texted curiously.

 **|** _I just have a feeling._ **|**

 Merlin didn't know what to make of his response, but shrugged it off, deciding to end the conversation there and settle into the couch 

* * *

 

When Arthur emerged from his bathroom, dressed for bed, he checked his phone and saw Gwen had sent him a picture.

_How many pictures did she take?_

Arthur opened the message and was shocked to see Leon, Merlin and Lance cuddling on his bed.

 **|** _Your reward._ **|** was the caption.

A slow grin made its way across his face as he thought of all the merciless teasing he would get out of this.

 **|** _You know me so well._ **|**

Arthur tossed his phone onto his bed and went to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of orange juice. He saw Merlin was sitting on the couch just as he had been when he’d come home.

Arthur considered asking him if he wanted anything, but didn't, deciding that based on what his friends had been saying, he would have to take the initiative and just take him one of the vanilla cokes he was sure hadn't been there that morning.

Merlin blinked at him momentarily, then thanked him as he took it. Arthur sat down on the opposite end of the couch, deciding he’d relax a bit before he went to his room and worked until he was too tired to stay conscious.

“Have you seen this before?” Merlin asked.

“Yeah. I used to watch this on my day off.”

And that amounted to their entire conversation over the three hour span they watched Breaking Bad.

Arthur stood up. "I've got some work to do."

Merlin stood too, turning off the Xbox and TV as he did. "Yeah. I should probably go to bed."

"I'll be up for awhile if you need anything." Arthur said. 

"Okay." Merlin stretched, leaning heavily to the right and something fell out of his pocket.

Arthur swooped to pick it up automatically, but wished he hadn't as he saw both what it was and the mortified looked Merlin had on his face when he looked up at him. 

He handed Merlin the small velvet box and told him he’d see him in the morning before walking off to his room. 

_Oh my god._

 

* * *

 

Merlin waited until he heard the door to Arthur’s room shut before he started to panic. He grabbed his head and started pacing the room. 

_Oh god. He saw it! He knows! He has to!_

Merlin couldn't believe that the one secret he  _needed_ to keep just got outed to a complete stranger. 

_Maybe he won't bring it up to anyone if I ask him not to?_

_But the again we don't really know each other. Why would he keep a secret for me?_

Merlin stopped pacing, realizing it wasn't going to fix anything nor would worrying about it. All he _could_ do was ask Arthur not to say anything and just hope he wouldn't. 

He grabbed his covers so he could go to his new room, only he ended up in the kitchen. Without really thinking about it, he climbed onto the table and set the ring in front of his face so he could stare at it.

Not even Will or his mom had known he was going to propose to Freya. He had wanted to take everyone by surprise when he gave the perfect ring to the perfect girl.

And then he’d lost her and he never mentioned it to anyone. He had even hidden the ring when everyone was packing up his things, not wanting them to know because then they would pity him even more.

_Oh poor Merlin didn’t just lose his girlfriend, he lost the woman he was going to ask to marry him._

_How awful._

_How tragic._

_Bless his heart._

He didn't want to hear it.

He couldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr @knownasemrys if ya want
> 
> I have the next chapter written, but I'm not sure when I'll post it tbh.


	4. Cos You Had A Bad Day

Arthur stared at Merlin, who had apparently fallen asleep on his kitchen table, unsure what to do.

_Do I just leave him here or -_

He lost his train of thought as his eyes fell on the small box in front of Merlin’s face. No one had mentioned that Merlin had been about to propose to his girlfriend and by the terrified expression Merlin had worn when he picked it up, they might not have known.

Arthur decided to make some coffee and pancakes before he left for work. Usually he was half an hour early so he figured he would likely still get there on time if he left later than normal.

Luckily, Merlin didn't wake despite all the noise Arthur made and he was able to finish breakfast without incident.  After plating the food and pouring the coffee, he finally went over to the sleeping man and shook him gently.

Merlin opened one eye and looked at him.

“I made breakfast,” Arthur told him.

Merlin closed his eye and curled into himself

“I made pancakes,” Arthur elaborated.

Merlin opened his eye again.

“Banana pancakes,”Arthur said.

Merlin opened his other eye. “Coffee?”

Arthur nodded.

Merlin presumably went to the bathroom, leaving Arthur to set their food on the table he’d slid off of. He didn't know how Merlin liked his coffee so he made sure to put sugar and creamer next to his mug before he sat down and made adjustments to his own.

Merlin returned, sat down in front of him, still wrapped in his blankets, and added way too much sugar and cream to his coffee without a word. 

Arthur decided he’d try to get a conversation out of the other man. “What are you going to do today?”

Merlin took a long drink from his mug before he answered. “I don't know.”

Arthur busied himself cutting his pancakes as he thought of something else to say and was a bit surprised when Merlin spoke.

“So..." Merlin drawled,"about the ring."

“What about it?” Arthur asked curiously, watching him carefully. 

Merlin let his eyes fall to his plate.“The others don't know about it and I would appreciate it if you didn't tell them.”

“Why don't you want the others to know?”

Merlin smeared butter all over his pancakes before replying, “When Gwen and Lance were talking to you about me, how did they act?”

Arthur frowned. “What?”

“At dinner, when they asked you if I could live here, how did they talk about me? How did they sound while they did?”

Arthur thought back to that night. “ _Sad_ and _worried._ ”

“And that’s without them knowing _just_ _how much_ I loved Freya,” Merlin said, his voice coming out a bit rougher. “They already mother hen me as it is. Do you think it would get better or worse if they knew I was going to…”Merlin cleared his throat before continuing,” that I was going to propose to someone who's gone now?”

Arthur understood immediately. “Right. It's probably best they don't know for now.”

Obvious relief flashed across Merlin’s features and he started cutting up his pancakes. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

Arthur nodded and they both went quiet.

“Can I see it?”

Merlin glanced at him, then the small box next to his plate before pushing it over.

Arthur opened the box to see a big beautiful diamond set in the middle of a rose gold band that consisted of ovals and circles with smaller diamonds set in them. “It’s…. _gorgeous_ ,” Arthur commented.

The corner of Merlin’s mouth twitched, but he didn't say anything.

Arthur picked up the ring to inspect it more closely. The diamond in the middle was _stunning_ up close. As he turned the ring, he saw it was engraved and he felt his heart twist at the simple, but meaningful words.

_To Freya, my heart._

Arthur put the ring back and closed the small velvet box before sliding it over to Merlin.

He didn't know what Merlin saw on his face, but the other man looked down at his half eaten breakfast, then started to stand up, pausing when Arthur spoke. “You can't leave the table until you finish breakfast.”

Merlin snorted and stood up fully. “I'm not a child.”

“I'll tell Guinevere I didn’t see you eat anything before I left.” Arthur threatened. 

Merlin glared at him as he sat down. “I was just going to grab my hoodie, tattletell.”

"Oh."

" _Oh."_ Merlin mocked before taking a long drink of his coffee. 

Arthur frowned. "You're not a morning person, are you Merlin?" 

"Not after sleeping on a table all night."

"And whose fault is that?" Arthur asked, raising his eyebrow. 

After that, Merlin made a show of eating his pancakes and drinking his coffee, just staring at Arthur the entire time. Arthur stared back, unfazed by the exaggerated chewing noises as he ate his own food.

 

* * *

 

Merlin settled into the couch after Arthur left, turning the TV on and putting on the food network. He grabbed his phone from the coffee table and answered the usual texts he got from his friends.

He wasn't quite sure what to make of Arthur just yet, but he thought they would probably get along fine as long as Arthur didn't pull the _I'll tell Gwen_ card too often.

His phone buzzed just as he was about to lock it. He saw he had a message from an unknown number and opened it curiously.

 **|** _Hey. It’s Arthur. Just want you to have my number in case you need anything._ **|**

Merlin sent him a simple okay text and closed the texting app. Twitter caught his eye and before he knew it, he was on Freya’s page. His heart twisted painfully as he read her last tweet, posted a few weeks before the accident.

 

 

 

 

Merlin had asked Will to arrange a bouquet of lillies to be sent to her because he missed her and wanted to do something for Valentine's Day even if they couldn't be together.

Though he knew it was a bad idea, Merlin kept reading her tweets. He spent nearly an hour just reading her thoughts and reliving their interactions on Twitter. Eventually, he scrolled far enough back to find a tweet that made him decide he absolutely could not go back any farther.

Merlin knew the tweet was about him. He and Freya had been friends for a very long time before they dated and she had admitted to wanting to be with him for years when they first got together.

Merlin closed Twitter and put his phone on the coffee table. He buried his face in the soft couch and decided to take a nap.

It took him awhile to fall asleep as Freya occupied his mind, particularly the last tweet he’d read.

_He has my heart already, but will I ever have his?_

He knew the answer and it made him miserable.

_You **were** my heart._

 

* * *

 

Arthur waited nervously for his father to join him in his office. He had no idea what Uther wanted to talk about, but Arthur doubted he would like it, he never did.

Arthur checked his phone for a message from Uther, but there wasn't one. His father would only ever be late intentionally which didn't bode well for Arthur’s nerves. He tried to work as he waited, but he couldn't focus whatsoever and had to keep rereading the same lines. By the time Elena knocked on his door to alert him Uther was there to see him, Arthur was beyond frustrated.

Arthur told her to send him in, hoping he could collect himself before his father appeared. He organized the papers on his desk quickly and straightened his posture just as Uther finally came in.

“Arthur,” his father greeted.

The lack of fondness Arthur usually heard in his voice made his stomach sink. It likely meant he had disappointed his father and he was going to lay into him. “Father,” he greeted.

Uther sat in the chair in front of Arthur's desk, posture stiff and face unreadable. “I know how busy you are so I'll make this as brief as I can.”

Arthur adjusted in his seat and waited for Uther to get to the point.

“I don’t want you working on the Thorn Chronicles or The Golden Gates series anymore,” Uther said.

Arthur blinked at him dumbly. “ _What_?”

“I want you to hand off Ms. Rutledge and Mr. Flint to Mr. Jackson.”

Arthur scoffed. “You want me to hand off two of our most successful clients to _Cedric_?”

“Yes,” Uther said firmly. “After the ugliness with Sophia a few weeks ago, it has come to my attention that you simply have too much on your plate.”

Arthur frowned. “I thought you weren't upset about that.”

“I'm not,” Uther said. “And this isn't a punishment, even if you might feel it is. I just want to lighten your burden is all.”

“By forcing me to give _my_ clients to _that_ _weasel?”_ Arthur asked, unable to hide the anger in his voice.

Uther sighed. “I know you dislike the man, but he is an excellent editor.”

“So is Isolde,” he pointed out. “If you want me to pawn off my clients _fine_ , but why does it have to be to _Cedric_ of all people?”

“Because he has proven himself invaluable to the company and I feel it's time he took on more responsibility.” Uther explained.

Arthur couldn't believe his ears. “You can't be serious?”

Uther’s expression hardened. “Deathly.”

“Father, you can't -

Uther cut him off. “I most certainly _can_ and if you fail to comply I'll take Marcel Gerard from you as well.”

Arthur wanted to scream, to argue, to hit something, to beg his father not to do this to him, but he just nodded and calmly said,”I'll have Elena give Cedric everything he needs by the end of the day.”

“Good,” Uther said, rising from his chair. “I have to get back to work, but I'll see you soon.”

Arthur nodded and watched his father leave, waiting until the door shut before he hit the stack of papers in front of him, sending them flying. Angry tears filled his eyes and buried his face in his hands.

Uther may have said this wasn't a punishment, but Arthur knew better.

A soft knock on the door was the only warning he got before Elena came in. “Ready for lunch?”

Arthur didn't look at her. “Meet me by my car. I'll be down in a few minutes.”

Elena seemed to take the hint and told him to hurry before she left him.

Arthur’s hands dropped from his face and he stared at the pages on the ground for a moment. He sighed and dropped to his knees to start picking them up. It seemed it didn’t matter much if he organised them properly as they were no longer his to work on.

 

* * *

 

Merlin stared at his phone where it laid on the coffee table, tempted to look at Will's Twitter even though he was still recovering from looking at Freya's. 

He flinched when his phone started vibrating on the table as he reached for it, but still made himself grab it. 

"Hello?" He answered.

"Have you eaten?" Lance asked. 

Merlin refrained from rolling his eyes. "Arthur fed me breakfast."

"So no lunch then?" 

_Lunch? Already? How long was I asleep?_

"No. I was sleeping until a few minutes ago." Merlin said. 

"What do you want to eat?" 

"Um..." Merlin flipped onto his back as if that would help him think. "Um..."

"Not to rush you, but I don't have a lot of time for lunch," Lance urged politely. 

"Tacos?" Merlin suggested. 

"Tacos it is. I'll be there in twenty or so minutes." Lance said. 

"Okay. See you then." Merlin hung up and stared at his phone, his earlier dilemma popping up again. 

He hovered over the Twitter app, but at the last moment he locked his phone and put it on the coffee table instead. 

Twenty five minutes later Lance sat next to him on the couch eating tacos. 

"So how did yesterday go?" Lance asked.

Merlin shrugged in response, his mouth full of food.

"Think you'll like living with Arthur?" 

Merlin swallowed and said,"Maybe. I don't know. It hasn't even been a full twenty fours since I moved in and I've barely seen him."

Lance nodded and bit into his taco. 

"How are things with Elyan?" Merlin asked a few minutes later. 

Lance sighed as he crumpled up his taco wrapper. "Gwen and him fight constantly, but so far its better than last time."

"Is he going to stay in New York for good this time?" Merlin asked. 

"I don't know, but he seems to be trying a little harder than normal to connect with Gwen." Lance admitted. 

Merlin crumpled his taco wrapper and tossed it onto the coffee table. "I think it would do them both good to sort our their issues."

Lance hummed in agreement.

"So, Gwen wants me to invite you and Arthur to dinner on Saturday," Lance said after a minute,"and she said she wouldn't take no for answer."

Merlin sighed. "Okay, but if she starts fighting with Elyan I'm leaving."

Lance nodded. "Fair enough. At least if that happens I know Arthur will be with you and that you won't go out and sleep with a drag queen who steals all your money this time."

"Hey! That did _not_ happen the last time I left during their fighting!" Merlin exclaimed. 

"It didn't?" Lance questioned. 

Merlin glared at his taco as he answered,"It happened after Leon and Elise had their big blowout at Thanksgiving that one year."

Lance snapped his fingers. "That's right!" 

Sometimes Merlin really hated how much he told his friends about his love life because they never seemed to forget anything. 

They ate in silence for another few minutes and then Lance ruffled Merlin’s hair, cleaned up their mess and left Merlin to continue his endless stream of binge watching, 

 

* * *

 

Arthur wanted to punch something as Elena walked out of his office to give Cedric everything he needed for his new clients. He still couldn't believe his father would punish him for something that wasn't really his fault. 

_Why couldn't I have just...no it wouldn't have been worth it._

Arthur sighed and grabbed the latest work of Mr. Marcel Gerard, one of their most successful occult writers. 

_At least I still have him and Mrs. Jareau._

Arthur expected his father wouldn't allow him to take on two more clients to make up for the ones he lost since Uther claimed to want to lighten his workload.

Arthur currently had only three authors with works in need of being edited, Gerard, Jareau and as of that morning, Tate, which meant he could now afford a day off, or at least a whole day to work at home. He was almost finished with Jareau's latest book and it was likely then that he'd have his weekends free, something that was very rare for him. 

  _It's weird that I'm not excited to have more free time, isn't it?_

Arthur picked up where he'd left off editing, panicking a little when he realized he was already halfway done with it. He calmed when he realized it wasn't the final draft and that Marcel's turnabout would be less than a month and then he'd have the book back in his hands.

_And while Gerard makes the changes I can start looking for a new client._

Arthur nodded to himself encouragingly. 

He was still upset about losing his clients, but he'd had distracted himself enough to focus on the work he _still_ _had_ to do. 

But then he circled back to his frustaion once his eyes started to become strained due to his intense focus on the pages before him. 

Arthur rubbed his eyes, hoping to relieve the pain, but without the words pulling his attention his mind replayed the conversation with his father. His hands stilled and before long he felt hot, angry tears welling in his eyes again. 

"Fuck," he whispered, voice cracking on the single syllable. 

 

* * *

 

Merlin woke up to the sound of the front door slamming. He could hear bags rustling and figured Arthur had brought dinner again so he'd better get up. 

Merlin forced himself off the couch, leaving his blankets behind in favor of putting his hoodie back on. He made his way to the kitchen, finding Arthur leaning against the counter, head hanging between his shoulders.

“Hey,” Merlin greeted.

Arthur straightened out as he looked up at him. “Hey,” he greeted, sounding happier than he looked,”I brought home some chicken.”

“Oh.Thanks.” Merlin said.

Arthur wiped a hand across his face. “Go ahead and fix yourself a plate, I'll join you in a moment.”

Merlin nodded and watched Arthur hurriedly leave the room.

_What’s up with him?_

Merlin found the plates fairly quickly and decided to make Arthur’s plate for him. It didn't take long for him to fill both plates and set the table, so he was left waiting for Arthur to appear.

When Arthur returned, he was dressed in sweats and his eyes were noticeably red. “You didn't have to wait on me,” Arthur said as he sat down.

Merlin shrugged. “It felt rude to start without you.”

Arthur offered a weak smile before he picked up his spoon and shoved mashed potatoes into his mouth. 

Merlin watched Arthur eat for a few minutes and finally decided to say something when Arthur hiccuped loudly, seeming to surprise himself. “Are you okay?”

He saw Arthur stiffen. “I'm fine. Just some stuff happened at work.”

Merlin got the feeling Arthur didn't really want to talk about it, but that wasn't going to stop him from prying. “I know we don’t really know each other, but you can talk to me about anything.”

"I heard you don't talk much these days," Arthur commented. 

"Well, no, I guess not, but I _am_ really good at listening,” Merlin said. “Gwaine says it's cos my ears are so big.”

Arthur actually chuckled. “They are quite big.”

Merlin offered what he hoped was a friendly smile. “So, you talk and I'll use them to listen to whatever’s bugging you, yeah?”

Arthur still seemed a bit hesitant, but eventually told Merlin all about the disastrous meeting with his father and how much it hurt to have his clients taken away from him.

“But why would he feel the need to punish you?” Merlin asked before he bit into a chicken strip.

Arthur took a deep breath before answering. “Because of Sophia Tír-Mòr.”

The name sounded familiar, but Merlin couldn't remember why. “Who's she?”

“She’s an actress. She starred in that awful vampire show _Nightstalkers.”_ Arthur said.

“ _Oh!_ _That's_ why I know her name! Will used to watch that all the - “ Merlin stopped that sentence immediately, “- Um, ah, what does she have to do with what happened today?”

Arthur looked at him worriedly, but still answered his question. “A couple of weeks ago, she approached Pendragon Publishing hoping we would be willing to take her on as a client - apparently she wants to be a writer - so naturally, my father and I had brunch with her and her father and they agreed to draw up a contract.”

Arthur looked down at his half eaten food. “My father knows I'm bisexual, but he always insists that I marry a woman which leads to him matchmaking. So he took the opportunity to make Sophia _my_ client and even suggested I take her out to dinner once the contract was ready.”

Merlin frowned.

“At dinner, Sophia had no problem showing me _just how much_ she would enjoy working with me and I rejected her advances. She threw a fit and refused to become affiliated with Pendragon Publishing unless I gave into her. I told her simply didn't have the time to date, especially a client and she yelled at me, threw water in my face and left “

“But why would your father punish you for that? It's not your fault she was being unreasonable.”

Arthur pushed his macaroni around. “Because I'm expected to keep the client happy until _after_ they sign on with us and I suspect my father had to endure the gloating of Cenred of Essetir House who she ran to after us. My father is a proud man and he does not tolerate losing well so I'm not surprised he blames me for not earning us a coveted celebrity’s favor.”

Merlin shook his head. “That's just not fair. You’re a human being, not some prime cut to be offered up to some rich brat just to win them over.”

Arthur smiled wryly, looking up at Merlin. “If only my father saw it that way.”

Merlin met his gaze when he noticed him. “Well, I'm sorry you had such a shitty day, but maybe now you won't be so busy all the time.”

“I _suppose_ that _is_ a good thing,” Arthur said with a soft sigh.

“But?” Merlin prodded.

“It’s just that I've spent _years_ working on all those series and now it’s all for nothing.” Arthur told him.

“It's not for nothing,”Merlin protested,” I mean, the _Thorn Chronicles_ are a huge hit _because of_ you. You should be proud of that!"

Arthur stared at him for a moment, then a genuine smile spread across his face. “You're right.”

“As I happen to be most of the time as you'll find out.” Merlin said.

Arthur chuckled. “I guess we’ll see about that."

After that, dinner went by smoothly, Arthur talking about his lunch with Elena and the rest of his day while Merlin mostly just listened. It was nice to listen to Arthur’s problems, it made it easy for Merlin to act more like himself because it was who Arthur needed him be in order to feel better about his shitty day. 

If only Merlin could figure out how to gather himself up like this all the time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think so far!


	5. Easy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin spend the day together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate y'alls comments! They really motivate me to write!
> 
> I only did a cursory editing sweep so I apologize for any mistakes!

Merlin rested his head against the shower wall, letting the hot water run down his back. He let out a soft sigh, loving the warmth spreading over him. 

It had only been five days since he had moved in with Arthur and so far he liked it.

Arthur wasn't overbearing like Gwen or demanding like Gwaine and it was such a relief to not have someone poking at how he was doing constantly or telling him to get dressed or manhandling him into the shower.  Arthur _did_ make sure he saw Merlin eat twice a day, but otherwise let him be.

Merlin lifted his head into the hot spray.

_Today's the first full day I'll get to spend with Arthur. I wonder how it'll go._

Dinner with Gwen and Lance wouldn't be until seven so they had plenty of time to kill before then. Merlin wouldn't mind if they just stayed in until dinner, but he had decided that if Arthur wanted to do something, he'd join him since they were still getting to know each other. They seemed to have an easy back and forth developing between them so far, something that surprised Merlin because he would have expected a workaholic to be a bit dull instead of witty and charming.

Merlin moved off the wall to move his head under the spray. It was then that he realized this was the first shower he had taken since moving in and he felt shame wash over him.

_God. I must have smelled horrible. Why didn't Arthur say anything?_

Guilt and shame settled into the pit of Merlin's stomach and in turn he made sure to wash his hair and scrub himself extra thoroughly, wanting to make up for smelling like sweat and probably the Thai food they ate a few days ago.

Merlin decided to assign himself a task. 

Today, he would make it up to Arthur for not showering, hogging the living room TV, and falling asleep during the documentary he tried to show him the night before. 

 

* * *

Arthur was reading through _The Hollow_ when Merlin walked into the kitchen, freshly showered and actually wearing sweat pants for once.

“Isn't it your day off?” Merlin asked as he opened the fridge.

Arthur looked over at him. “Yes, but I can't seem to stop myself.”

“So you’re not going to make breakfast then?” Merlin asked, actually sounding disappointed.

Arthur set his pen down and looked up at him. “Actually, I was thinking we could go out.”

Merlin closed the fridge and turned to face him. “Okay, but it has to be somewhere cheap because I don't have a lot of money right now.”

Arthur refrained from rolling his eyes. “ _I'm_ paying.”

“You can't pay for me all the time,” Merlin protested.

“I can, I will, and there’s nothing you can do about.” Arthur told him firmly.

Arthur was perfectly aware of how little money Merlin actually had thanks to Percival, who had access to his bank account for some unknown reason, and until Merlin was back on his feet Arthur wasn't going to let him spend a penny.

Merlin frowned. “But - “

“No, buts Merlin,” Arthur said. “As long as you live here I'm going to take care of you.”

“Arthur - “

“ _Merlin_.” Arthur cut him off, not wanting to spend all morning arguing with him.

Merlin scoffed. “You can't seriously expect me to let you waste your money on me.”

Arthur crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, daring Merlin to challenge him as he said, ”I have plenty of money and can spend it however I please.”

Merlin mirrored him, but he didn't seem to have much fight in him and after a minute of slience he conceded.

“ _Fine,_ but only if you let me pay you back.”

_That's not happening._

“If you insist,” Arthur said casually. 

“I do,” Merlin said. ”I won't be some kept boy.”

“Kept boy?” Arthur grinned as a thought occurred to him.“Maybe not, but I'm still your sugar daddy.”

Merlin made a disgusted face. “One, don't call yourself that, two, it's not like you’re getting any special favors out of this, and three, I'm _going_ to pay you back someday.”

“You know, that look on your face alone might just be worth being your sugar daddy.” Arthur said, laughing. 

Merlin groaned. “You’re going to be impossible about this aren't you?”

Arthur smirked. 

Merlin rolled his eyes. 

Arthur sat up a little straighter in his chair. “Well, now that that's settled, put on your shoes and decide where you want to eat.”

 

* * *

 

Merlin ended up picking iHop, relieved when Arthur seemed fine with his choice. They filed into opposite sides of a booth, Arthur immediately rummaging through his messenger bag and pulling out the book he’d been editing in the kitchen.

“What book is that?” Merlin asked.

“ _The Hollow._  Its part of _The Mikaelsons_ series.”

“I haven't read it,” Merlin said. “What's it about?”

Merlin listened as Arthur started telling him about the original vampire family, only stopping when they placed their orders. The books genuinely fascinated him, but that's not why he liked listening. He liked listening because Arthur seemed so excited to talk about both the stories and the hand he had in shaping them.

Arthur stopped talking abruptly, his face flushing, when Merlin was about halfway through his breakfast. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ramble on like that.”

Merlin felt the corners of his mouth twitch.

_That used to be my line._

“It's alright. I like listening,” Merlin assured him.

“Really?” Arthur raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Gwaine says I bore him when I talk about work and Lance once fell asleep when I was chattering on about a book I was editing.”

Merlin snorted. “First, always ignore Gwaine, second, what on Earth could be so boring that even the saint of patience didn't want to hear about it?”

Arthur huffed out a laugh before doling out the details of an incredibly interesting premise that very quickly lost its appeal by a long drawn out story riddled with incest and an unlikable protagonist. Merlin had to stifle several yawns as he listened and thought maybe Lance had had the right idea.

“Did that book ever get published?” Merlin asked once Arthur was done.

“Unfortunately,” Arthur answered. “It somehow became very popular and was made into a series. The author was handed off to Cedric because she refused to listen to my suggestions.”

Merlin shook his head. “I'd much rather hear about the _Mikaelsons_ than that garbage. _”_

Arthur smiled. “Me too.”

Merlin smiled back, then sat up a little straighter, “So, how _does_ Klaus react to Rebekah and Marcellus?”

Arthur opened his mouth, then closed it again before saying, “You know what? I have copies of the books I'd be happy to lend you.”

“But then how will know what changes you made to save the story?” Merlin asked.

He saw the conflicted look in Arthur’s eyes before he started where he’d left off previously - under the condition that Merlin eventually read all of the books of course. They ended up staying at iHop well into lunch, Arthur’s editorial duties temporarily abandoned as he just talked and talked about the editing process, discarded storylines and a complex supernatural world to Merlin.

 

* * *

 

Arthur felt lighter than he had all week - all month in fact - because of Merlin. All he had done was simply listen and ask occasional questions about his work, but it was enough. The irony of the depressed man who had smelled like Thai food and sweat for the past three days making him feel this way wasn't lost on him.  

Arthur was stood in line next to Merlin at his favorite coffee shop, pretending to study the menu as if he wasn't going to get the same thing as always. “What are you going to have Merlin?”

“A white mocha frappé,”Merlin answered.

Arthur shook his head. “How can you drink that sugary crap?”

“Have you ever actually had one?”

“No, I prefer coffee black or with a bit of sugar or creamer every now and then.”

“You're missing out,” Merlin said matter of factly.

“Somehow, I think I'll live.” Arthur stepped up to the counter as the person in front went to wait off to the left.

Merlin spoke before Arthur could even open his mouth. “Two white mocha frappés please.”

Arthur intended to protest, but then he saw a little spark of mischief in Merlin’s eyes and decided not to. He pulled out his wallet and paid for the coffees, but not before slinging his arm around Merlin's shoulders and saying loudly, ”Even with all this sugar,” he squeezed Merlin for emphasis, ”Daddy still needs his caffeine.”

Merlin blushed scarlet and the barista’s eyes widened.

Arthur choked down his laughter as he lead Merlin to wait for their order. The other man elbowed him in the ribs and Arthur dropped his arm.

“I can't believe you did that!” Merlin hissed, his cheeks stained red.

“Why? It's true.”

Arthur grinned as Merlin rolled his eyes and walked off to find a table. Arthur waited until he had their drinks before joining Merlin at the booth in the farthest corner of the shop.

“Do you mind if I get some work done?” Arthur asked, sliding Merlin's coffee over to him.

Merlin shook his head. “No, but you wouldn't happen to have one of those books with you?”

Arthur smiled and turned to rummage through his bag until he found a small tablet. “I have them all on my kindle,” he said, handing it over to Merlin.

Merlin gave him a small smile before turning his attention to the kindle. “What's the first one called?”

“Return to Mystic Falls.” Arthur supplied as he pulled out the book he was supposed to work on and a pen to edit.

He didn't realize Merlin was watching him until after he picked up his pen. “What?”

“You haven't tried your coffee yet,” Merlin said.

Arthur grabbed the cold beverage and took a long sip, pleasantly surprised by how wonderful it tasted.

Merlin raised an eye eyebrow at him as if to say, “Well?”

“It’s not the _worst_ thing I've had forced upon me,” Arthur said casually, setting his coffee down.

Merlin just gave him this _look_ and Arthur knew he saw right through him. Still, he waited until Merlin was busy reading before setting his drink directly underneath his mouth so he could sip from the straw continuously as he worked.

They stayed at the coffee shop for quite awhile, Arthur editing and Merlin reading, Arthur occasionally giving Merlin money to get them more coffee, even though Merlin kept ignoring his order and getting him varying, sugary coffees _he_ liked instead. It wasn't until it was almost time to go to Gwen and Lance's that they finally left. 

* * *

 

Merlin waited by the front door for Arthur, having already put on jeans and an oversized sweater of Will's. Today had been nice,  relaxed and _easy_. Easy in the way that he didn't have to try so hard to socialize - it seemed fairly natural the way he interacted with Arthur - easy in the way that he thought of Will as he read, knowing he would have loved the book he started, and that it had felt _nice_ to think of him, like it just _hadn't_ in awhile. 

Merlin's phone rang and he answered without looking at the screen. “Hello?”

“What are you doing?” Gwaine asked.

Merlin pushed his back against the door and slid down to the floor. “Arthur and I are about to go to Gwen’s for dinner. Did you need something?”

As Gwaine unloaded about his awful day at work, Merlin absently played with the doorknob above him. Fifteen minutes flew by and after telling Gwaine about his own day, Merlin was finally able to hang up.

_What's taking Arthur so long?_

Merlin got off the floor and made his way to Arthur’s room. As he got closer, he heard Arthur talking.

“Father, he’s not after my money. He just needed a place to stay, alright?” Arthur sounded tired of this conversation. “I told him I would - it's not like I don't have the money to spare.”

Merlin knocked on the door and Arthur offered up an apologetic expression.

“Father!” Arthur said sharply, spinning around. “I'm running late for dinner, so unless you need something, I'm afraid I must go.”

Arthur was silent a beat and then, ”Right. Goodbye.”

“Does he really think I'm after your money?” Merlin asked as Arthur pocketed his phone and pulled on a red leather jacket.

Arthur sighed. “Yes, and he spent a good a twenty minutes telling me how idiotic it was to allow someone I barely know to live with me.”

Merlin shook his head. “I like your father less and less the more you talk about him.”

“Apparently, the feeling is mutual,” Arthur informed him. “He had some choice things to say about you and I hardly told him anything about you.”

“Lovely,” Merlin muttered.

* * *

As soon as they arrived, Lance sent Arthur to the kitchen and stole Merlin away to the living room.

“Have they been fighting?” Merlin asked.

“All day,” Lance answered, sounding irritated.

Merlin chanced a glance towards the kitchen, but only saw Elyan pulling Arthur into a hug. “What about this time?”

Lance shot a careful look behind them too and lowered his voice as he explained. “Elyan applied to the police academy, Gwen told him she doesn't think it’s a good idea and they've been on edge ever since.”

Merlin couldn't hide his surprise. “He wants to be a cop?”

Lance shrugged. “Apparently so.”

Merlin sighed and moved closer to Lance. “Well, it's better than when he wanted to be a musician and gave up after his first guitar lesson.”

Lance groaned softly. “Don't bring _that_ up at dinner. Gwen’s still mad she had to pawn the guitar a few days later to bail him out of jail.”

"I'm not daft." 

"Your general misadventures and a good portion of your love life would suggest otherwise," Lance said. 

Merlin pinched his side, and Lance jerked away from him, laughing. 

"Some people are just doomed to have eternal bad luck," Merlin said. 

"It can't be too bad if you're _this_ adorable," Lance reached over and pinched Merlin's cheeks. 

Merlin slapped away his hands. While Merlin considered the rest of their group unfairly pretty, _they_ all insisted he was gorgeous. He didn't personally see it, but they liked to compliment him at every opportunity anyway. 

Lance sunk down a bit in the couch and held his arm up in the air, gesturing with his eyes for Merlin to occupy the space there. Merlin did, curling up to his side as he often did. Affection was a big thing between his friends, it always had been, but Merlin consciously cuddling with his male friends was exclusively reserved for Lance and Gwaine. Leon was an outlier and should not be counted. 

"Tell me about your day," Lance prompted, just as Merlin's settled his head on his chest. 

Merlin did, smiling to himself as he remembered how nice it felt to get out, especially with someone as interesting as Arthur. It took a little longer than it had to repeat his day to Gwaine, but only because Lance had tried to defend himself for falling asleep and then they got distracted coming up with things they would rather do than read that boring series. 

Eventually, they went quiet and just watched Cutthroat Kitchen. Merlin was so comfortable he might have fallen asleep if he hadn't had six coffees earlier. 

“Should I be worried for Guinevere?” Arthur asked from behind them.

Merlin felt the rumble in Lance’s chest as he laughed. “I'm afraid that as _dashing_ as Merlin is, my heart will always belong to Guinivere.”

Merlin chuckled and pushed off Lance so he could see Arthur.

“Yes it will, but that doesn't stop you two from getting free couples massages,” Gwen said as she walked in.

“Gwen!” Lance protested as Arthur smirked and asked, “You two get couples massages?”

“What?” Gwen asked, addressing Lance while Merlin responded to Arthur with, “Work really stresses him out sometimes and I get free coupons from an aquaintance of mine. ”

Gwen raised an eyebrow at him. “ _Acquaintance_ huh?”

Merlin met her gaze evenly. “Yes.”

Gwen snorted.

So maybe Merlin helped out a masseuse in distress once and they were so grateful they always gave him coupons or discounts. And maybe - _maybe_ \- they were just a tiny, itty bitty, bit in love with Merlin. And maybe Merlin flirted a little every time they swung by, but Arthur didn't need to know that.

“Dinner’s ready so go sit at the table while we bring out the food,” Gwen instructed.

Arthur and Merlin did as told while Gwen dragged Lancelot into the kitchen. “You and Lance must be really close if you nap together and go for couples massages.”

Merlin scooted his chair closer to the table. “Well, that's not all we do, but yeah. I think it's fair to say he’s my best friend.”

_Now that Will’s gone._

Merlin tried not to linger on that thought, but luckily, Arthur spoke and pulled his attention away from it.

“I would have assumed Gwaine was your best friend based on all the phone calls.”

“I love Gwaine, rakish qualities and all, but there’s just something _special_ in my friendship with Lancelot. I can't describe it, but I know I won't ever regret placing my trust in him.”

“I know what you mean,” Arthur said. “Elena is my oldest friend, but my bond with Leon feels _unique_ and I can't help but consider _him_ my best friend.”

"I promise I won't tell Elena," Merlin said solemnly. 

Arthur chuckled. "I think she already knows, but I don't think it would be good to remind her."

Merlin nodded. "Especially with her pregnancy hormones. No telling what might happen."

Arthur feigned a shudder and Merlin cracked a grin that he quickly saw reflected on Arthur’s face.

"What are you boys smiling about?" Gwen asked as she carried in the ham. 

"Nothing," they said at the same time, surprising each other. 

Lance and Elyan walked in with mashed potatoes, rolls, and an assortment of vegetables. Merlin's stomach growled at the sight, and he was a bit shocked to find he was absolutely  _starving_ after all the food he'd eaten, specifically after all the muffins he'd had at the coffee shop.

Arthur reflected his thoughts out loud. "You ate a _moutain_ of pancakes and _six_ muffins today, how can you possibly still be hungry?"

Merlin shrugged. "I'm not sure, and if _someone_ hadn't kept picking at my muffins I wouldn't have had to eat six of them to be satisfied."

"Well if _someone_ hadn't kept giving me the wrong coffee order, I wouldn't have kept eating his muffins out of spite." Arthur said. 

Merlin and Arthur stared at each other a moment before matching grins spread across their faces again. They were only vaguely aware of the others sitting down.

"Well," Gwen said, drawing their attention,"look at you two. Thick as thieves already."

"Should _I_ be worried?" Lance teased. 

Merlin laughed, turning so he could look at Lancelot. "No. I'm too much of a sucker for those eyes of yours."

"And just what’s wrong with  _my_ eyes?" Arthur prodded.

"Nothing, they're just always staring at the pages of a book," Merlin answered. 

Arthur huffed, but didn't deny it. 

"Besides," Merlin said, "Lance has told me that even _you_ crumble if he gives you his best puppy eyes.

Arthur scowled at an amused looking Lancelot. 

_Easy. It's so easy to talk to Arthur._

After a minute of Arthur insisting he would never give into the puppy eyes again and Lance saying otherwise, Gwen cut in so they could start eating. Dinner was going by smoothly, full of stories, teasing and laughter.

Until it wasn't.

Lance had just told a story about one of the few times Merlin had been arrested because of Gwaine's antics and he'd been called to pick them up which had prompted Elyan to say, "Well, with any luck, I'll soon be able to give you a one time get out of jail free card." 

Merlin looked at Arthur just as _he_ looked at him and they both just _knew._ Arthur pulled out his phone under the table and thirty seconds later, Merlin felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He discreetly pulled it out and saw he had a text from Arthur.

| _Getting us an uber._ |

Merlin glanced between Elyan and Gwen, making sure they wouldn't noticed as he texted back. |  _Good idea._ |

And then the arguing started. 

 

* * *

 

“Well, they at least managed not to fight until we were finished eating,” Arthur commented, sitting on the steps outside their host’s apartment.

“A new record.” Merlin let out a soft sigh as he sat next to Arthur. “I'm usually being escorted out by an apologetic Lance after roughly ten minutes.”

“I wonder what we’ll do if they ever get along properly.” Arthur checked his phone, then laid it on the concrete between his legs.

“Actually get to eat the Apple pie Gwen always makes?” Merlin guessed.

Arthur laughed.

Merlin smiled and they fell into a comfortable silence as they waited for their ride. It only took three minutes of waiting and then they were on their way home in the back of a red Mazda.

"So," Arthur said,"you cuddle and get free couples massages with Lancelot and and you get arrested with Gwaine. Tell me Merlin, do you have one special thing you do with all our friends?" 

"I wouldn't consider getting arrested with Gwaine as our special thing, but yes," Merlin said. "I even have something with Leon."

"What do you do with Leon?" Arthur asked curiously. 

"When your dad is burning him out, he comes to steal me away to Baskin Robbins where we spend a few hours eating enough of our favorite flavors to get sick and then we go to our favorite animal shelter and play with all the puppies and kittens until it's closing time," Merlin said. 

"And after that?"

Merlin shrugged. "We go to his place and fool around."

Arthur’s eyebrows shot up. " _What_?" 

Merlin chuckled. "Okay, so we don't do _that_ , but the last part is a secret."

Arthur frowned. "Why?"

"Because it is." Merlin told him. 

Arthur looked like he wanted to pry, but just said, "Alright. Though I will find out you know. 

"Not from me," Merlin said confidently. 

"Will you tell me about your special things with the others then?" Arthur asked. 

"I can't tell you what I do with Elena. That's sacred." Merlin said. "But Percy and I go to the library whenever he needs to get away from things."

Arthur looked surprised. "The library? Really?"

Merlin shrugged. "Percy likes to read."

"Why does he take _you_ though?" 

"I don't know really, but he insists I go with him," Merlin said. 

"Huh," Arthur said. "Well what's your special thing with, um...Gwen?"

Merlin debated with himself a moment then said, "If I tell you, you can't tell Gwaine." 

Arthur looked at him curiously. "I promise I won't." 

Merlin hesitated a moment still, then said, "We get mani-pedis. She mostly gossips about the people from work. It helps get out her stress, I think."  

Arthur stared at him a moment then laughed. "Gwaine would have a _field day_ if he knew."

"That's why you can't tell him! He just thinks I'm an expert at grooming myself and I won't have you letting on otherwise!" Merlin exclaimed. 

Arthur held up his hands defensively.  "Hey, your secret's safe with me. I promised, remember?"

Merlin nodded, satisfied. 

"Who else haven't you told me about?" Arthur asked, mentally running through their list of friends.  

"Gwaine," Merlin supplied. "Like I said earlier, getting arrested is not our special thing."

"So, what is?" 

"He takes me on little adventures, and only twice did we actually get arrested for trespassing." Merlin said, smiling at the memory of him fuming next to an unruffled Gwaine at the police station. 

Arthur shook his head. "Gwaine is trouble for sure, but it's all apart of his charm, isn't it?"

Arthur was quick to add, "Don't tell him I think he has charm. I don't need him getting even more smug on me."

Merlin laughed. "Okay."

"Who does that leave? Elyan! Anything special with him?"

Merlin shook his head. "He comes and goes so often that we're not really close enough to have a special thing."

Arthur nodded and considered everthing he had learned. 

"So, basically, whenever anyone needs to unwind or unload their problems, they go to you," he concluded after a moment. 

Merlin nodded."I think it's part of why they've been fussing over me so much. They feel guilty that I always help them feel better, but they can't do the same for me. Its not their fault of course. Grief is a much bigger dragon to tackle than work or relationship worries."

Arthur didn't seem to know what to say at first and the car was mostly quiet, save for the radio playing in the background. 

"Do you think we'll have our own special thing?"

"Maybe. I'm not sure. We do live together and you already tell me about your problems at dinner." Merlin said. 

"Right," Arthur said. "How about something we do just for us then? No talking your ear off about my problems, just something special we only do with each other?"

Merlin smiled. "That would be nice. Do you have anything in mind?"

"Actually, I would rather _you_ came up with something," Arthur told him. 

Now it was Merlin's turn to be surprised. "Really? What if you hate what I come up with?"

Arthur shrugged. "I'll try it first and if I don't like it, you'll know and have to find something else."

"Alright then. I'll let you know when I come up with something." Merlin promised.

Arthur smiled and nodded.

They fell into companionable silence for the rest of the ride. 

Lately, Merlin tended to feel drained when he hung out with other people for too long, but all he felt right now was content. He had a few guesses why, one of them being that Arthur didn't have any expectations from him so he didn't have to try to settle into who he was before, he could just be. 

Merlin didn't know for sure though, but he hoped today was the baseline for how things would work between them. It was fun, easy, simple - something he could really use right about now when he felt lost and not at all ready to be brave.

 

* * *

 

Arthur waited patiently for Merlin to join him in the living room. After they arrived home, Arthur decided he wanted to spend more time with Merlin and suggested they watch a movie. Merlin had agreed, but told him he needed to call Percy first and Arthur had gone to change, then to make popcorn.

So now Arthur sat with a blanket across his lap, a bowl of popcorn to his left on the couch, his Xbox controller on the armrest to his right, and drinks for him and Merlin on the coffee table.

All day, Arthur had expected Merlin to want to come home and nap in his 'depression cocoon' as Percival called it, but he had been pleasantly surprised.

So far, Merlin didn't quite match up to what he thought someone who was dealing with depression would be like. Not that he would really know considering he hadn't known anyone who was depressed, at least not that he was aware. Sure, Merlin didn't seem inclined to shower, move off the couch or leave the flat, but he seemed inclined to teasing or making jokes and he seemed completely fine when they talked at breakfast or dinner, even if he didn't always say much. And he had enjoyed their day out, if all the smiling, talking and laughter was anything to go by. 

So it peaked his curiosity when he saw the way Gwen and Lance had seemed so genuinely delighted to hear Merlin laugh, joke, and tease. He noticed them stealing glances at Merlin too, this soft look in their eyes and it was then that Arthur decided he would read up on depression and the stages of grief when he could. He wanted to understand what Merlin was going through, help him even.

Merlin finally emerged, wearing pajama bottoms and the same oversized sweater he wore to dinner. “Sorry I took so long. Percy and Leon have been out drinking all night and apparently it was important for me to know that my eyes were like comets - that was Percy by the way- and then Leon assured me that they totally negate the fact that I look like I've never been in the sun before."

Arthur snickered.

“Leon _then_ started crying because he thought he offended me and I had to spend ten minutes assuring him it was fine, all while Percy laughed in the background and proceeded to order shots."

Arthur laughed, a full belly laugh that was infectious and caused Merlin to join in. “Christ! They're well and truly drunk.”

After they calmed down, Merlin settled into the couch and then they wasted half an hour arguing over what movie to watch before finally settling on _Odd Thomas._ They ended up blaming each other for picking it after it ended and they sat there, misty-eyed and mildly upset.

And then they wasted another forty six minutes picking a new movie, one they both ending up falling asleep to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when I'll have the next chapter written. If you're wondering, I'm basing Merlin's depression off of my own experience with dealing with it/not dealing with it. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter!
> 
> Please let me know what you think so far!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @knownasemrys


	6. 11:59 PM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate y'alls comments!
> 
> Also, sorry I take so long to update! This time it was a mix of not being in the mood and suddenly getting into the mood and making the chapter longer than I intended.

Merlin opened his eyes and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Lance and Gwaine staring at him from where they sat on the coffee table.

“Huh. It only took him three minutes,” Lance said.

“Morning, Sunshine,” Gwaine greeted, not bothering to acknowledge Lance's odd statement.

Merlin sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“We’re here to kidnap you,” Gwaine said simply.  

Merlin frowned, pausing his movements. “ _Why_?”

“Because we miss you,” Lance supplied.

“ _You_ ,” Merlin pointed to Lance, “came over for lunch two days ago and _you_ ,” he pointed to Gwaine,”came over _yesterday_ and kept stealing my phone _."_

“We can still miss you!” Gwaine insisted. “Why should time be a factor?”

Merlin was still suspicious, but just said, “Fine. Are you going to tell me what we're doing at least?”

“No, but you should go shower and get ready,” Lancelot told him.

Merlin rolled his eyes. He didn't know why they were being so weird, but he was too tired to keep digging.

He was also too tired to notice Gwaine take his phone from where he’d been laying on it. 

* * *

 

Merlin's first instinct once they filed into a taxi was to text Arthur. About two weeks before, when Arthur's workload had become lighter, he had texted Merlin incessantly during the day until he came home. And then he did it the next day, and the next and so on and so on and it became a part of their routine. Their conversations didn't usually amount to much, but neither of them seemed to mind. 

| _I’ve been kidnapped. |_

Arthur’s response was fairly quick. | _How tragic. I was just starting to like you. I guess I wasn't meant to be a sugar daddy after all :( |_

Merlin rolled his eyes even as he grinned. | _That's still not funny._ |

Merlin looked up and over at Gwaine.  “Won't you even give me a hint about where we’re going?”

Gwaine shook his head. “It's a surprise.”

Merlin huffed and rested his head against the window until his phone buzzed again. | _Just because you fail to appreciate it doesn't mean it’s not funny, Merlin_. |

| _Prat_. | He texted back.

Arthur’s response was simple and immediate. | _:)_ |

Merlin pocketed his phone and traded the cold glass of the window for Lance’s warm shoulder. He really wasn't in the mood to socialize, but he didn't have much of a choice at this point.

“We’re going to Central Park,” Lancelot whispered, low enough that Gwaine wouldn't hear. 

Merlin smiled. Of course good old Lancelot couldn’t keep him completely in the dark.

They arrived at the park twenty minutes later, joining Gwen, Percy and Elyan who all sat on large blankets, a mini cooler and a picnic basket in the middle of them all. 

"You could have just told me you were bringing me to a picnic," Merlin said to Gwaine. 

Gwaine gave him a charming smile. "And what would've been the fun in that?" 

Lance urged Merlin to to sit down with him near Gwen and Percy.  
  
"Can we eat now?" Elyan asked after everyone had greeted Merlin in their own ways.   
  
Gwen rolled her eyes, but opened the basket and handed out sandwiches. She also pulled out a container of Apple slices with a caramel dip in the middle, making sure to place it where everyone could reach it while Lance handed out cokes.   
  
Percy nudged Merlin with his shoulder, causing him to look up at his taller friend. Percy nodded over to somewhere behind Gwen and it took Merlin a second to realize he was trying to show him the cat sleeping on a park bench.   
  
Merlin smiled and so did Percy.   
  
Gwen mistook Merlin for smiling at her and offered him a warm one in turn.

It didn't seem important to clarify. 

It didn't take long for Merlin to eat, as he was starving, not having eaten since the omeletes Arthur had made for breakfast. He didn't say much, happy to let the others lead the conversation while he stuffed his face. Soon he was laid out on one of the blankets next to Percival while Gwen cleaned up with Lance and Gwaine and Elyan played catch nearby. 

It was a nice, sunny day with a pleasant enough breeze, a few scattered clouds here and there. 

"How's living with Arthur?" Percy asked, just as Merlin closed his eyes. 

_Everyone keeps asking me that._

"It's great actually," Merlin admitted.

"His need for order and cleanliness doesn't bother you?" 

"He’s actually a total slob," Merlin informed him. 

Percy looked at him curiously. "But his place is always spotless?"

Merlin scooted closer to him, and as if he was sharing a secret he lowered his voice to say, "Thats because after he blazes through it like a tornado he becomes a cleaning ninja, leaving everything shiny and better off than when he found it."

Percy chuckled. "So he's both a blazing tornado and a cleaning ninja?"

"Yes." Merlin said, doing his best to keep a straight face. 

Percy grinned. "And how does he feel about you being a slob?"

"Oi, I keep my mess contained in my room," Merlin said. 

Percy studied him for all of ten seconds before he said, "Arthur cleans up after you too doesn't he?"

"Maybe." 

Percival laughed. 

"It's not my fault really! Once he’s in cleaning ninja mode he can't seem to stop!" Merlin told him. 

Percy just shook his head. 

Merlin closed his eyes and settled comfortably on the blanket again. His phone buzzed in his pocket a few minutes later and he pulled it out, forcing his eyes open only when it was inches from his face. 

It was a text from Arthur that read,

| _I haven't received a randsom note, or a phone call, so I assume you’re all right? |_

Merlin laughed then typed out his reply. |  _Gwaine and Lance brought me on a surprise picnic with some of the others._ |

"Is it Arthur?" Percy asked.

Merlin nodded. "Told him I'd been kidnapped and he was just checking in."

Percy nodded and rolled onto his stomach. "As one does."

His phone buzzed again. |  _Lucky you. I'd give anything to be anywhere but here right now._ |

Merlin frowned. | _What’s wrong?_ |

"There's a puppy," Percy said.

Merlin rolled onto his stomach, ending up side by side with Percy, and looked around for the puppy.  A small lab was fighting against his leash, wanting to run free much to the displeasure of it's owner. 

Merlin was mesmerized watching the little thing and almost didnt notice his phone buzz in his hand. | _I'll tell you about it tonight._ |

| _Okay_. |

Merlin pocketed his phone, hoping Arthur's day got better before he went back to watching the puppy. 

"So," Percy said after the puppy was gone,"Gwaine told me about your outburst a few weeks ago."

In true Percival fashion, he let Merlin decide whether or not they would talk about it. 

"Surprised it took you so long to ask," Merlin said. 

Percy looked at him. "I thought if I brought it up sooner, you’d just shut us both out."

Merlin looked away from him. "I probably would have."

"The good thing about having dated you is that I always know when it's the right time to press and when I should just give you space," Percy said.

"Is that the only good thing?" Merlin teased. 

Percy smiled. "Well knowing your particular kinks is a very powerful form of blackmail."

"True, but don’t forget I know yours too," Merlin pointed out. 

They stared at each other a moment, then shared a laugh. 

Percy grew serious again, his usual open and friendly face becoming grim. "I know you've apologized to Gwaine, and things are fine with you two, but I'm more worried that you got so upset in the first place."

Merlin glanced at him, then set his gaze on the grass beneath them. "I just didn't appreciate being called out for my behavior since...well...and I just overreacted. I felt bad immediately afterwards, but I couldn't get myself to explain that I just needed some time."

Percy nodded. "I know you've been having a really hard time, we all do, but we mean no harm when we point out how you've been acting. We're just concerned that you seem stuck in the depression stage of your grief."

Merlin started pulling at the grass. "Well I sped through the first three, I was bound to get stuck somewhere."

"I'm not sure which stage has been the most concerning," Percy admitted. 

Merlin personally thought his anger had been the scariest stage and even though now he felt numb until given a reason to feel, at least he wasn't breaking things. At least he wasn't scrambling to pick up the shards of his mother's favorite vase he accidentally broke, at least he wasn't cutting up his palms on the glass and refusing to stop until Lance pulled him away. 

Percy spoke again, tearing Merlin away from the memory of beating against Lance's chest with his bloodied hands, trying to get away until he started crying and gave in to the embrace. "Anyways, I just wanted to say that I love you, I know you need more time, and you never have to pretend with me."

"I'll sit with you all day and we can talk about nothing or we don't have to say a word the entire time. I never want you to feel so miserable pretending that anger starts to fester in you until you just explode. I'd take one genuine smile over a thousand fake ones."

Merlin was a bit choked up over the words, but he managed a grateful smile.

Percy mussed up his hair. "I'm always here if you need me."

Merlin buried his face into Percy's shoulder as he felt tears prick his eyes. Percival just kissed the top of his head before he rested his own against Merlin's and let him cry. 

 

* * *

 

| _Okay_. |

Arthur stared at Merlin's text, not sure what to do next. 

He was already half way done with Tate's book, was waiting on the final draft from Mr. Gerard, and had just sent off Jareau's to get changes, but unlike the countless other times he had gone looking for more work, he had been denied. Apparently his father had spread the word that Arthur wasn't to be given anymore assignments unless he approved of it first and if anyone dared to defy him they would be fired immediately. 

Arthur supposed he shouldn't have been surprised his father would do this to him, but it didn't make it any less annoying. 

Elena knocked on the door before coming in.  He locked his phone and set it on his desk, straightening up just as she set a mug on his desk. 

"Thought you could use a bit of a pick me up," Elena said. 

"Ah, so you've heard how I was humilated then," Arthur said bitterly. 

Elena patted his shoulder sympathetically. "It might have come up that you were ready to murder poor Wesley for denying you access to the submissions office and Lana called security to escort you off the floor."

Arthur felt a headache coming on.

"I know it's driving you crazy to have so little work, but I think you need to take it easy for awhile" Elena said. 

"I don't _want_ to take it easy! I _want_ to work! I _want_ my clients back!" Arthur exclaimed, burying his face in his hands. 

"But you're not going to get what you want."

Arthur tensed, his heart skipping a beat at the sound of his father's voice. He felt Elena pat his shoulder before he heard her shuffle out of the room. 

"Honestly, you’re acting like a petulant child, Arthur," Uther continued as soon as the door shut. 

Arthur lifted his head and met his father's gaze. "I only act as you treat me."

Uther was unimpressed. "Do you know how embarrassing it is to be called by security because my _adult_ son threw a _temper tantrum_?"

And so began a twenty minute lecture from his father. Not that Arthur paid attention to all of it, having grown accustomed to being talked at, he knew how to feign attentiveness. 

He texted Merlin as soon as his father was gone. 

 

* * *

 

| _Want to get drunk and watch that awful singing show we started?_ |

Merlin wiped away the lingering tears in his eyes as he read the message Arthur had sent him, a small smile spreading across his face. 

| _I_ ' _m not much of a drinker, but I'll watch Glee with you_. |

Percy bumped his shoulder. "There's that smile."

Merlin’s smile grew and he bumped Percy back. "Shut up." 

| :) |

Merlin pocketed his phone and switched up his postion so his head rested against Percy's side, closing his eyes. A few minutes passed before Merlin felt someone settle to his right, but he didn't open his eyes. 

Suddenly, something cold was rubbed on his arm, and his eyes shot open. 

"What the hell, Gwen?" Merlin asked, looking down at the white cream on his arm. 

Gwen chuckled. "It's just sunblock. Don't want a repeat of the Hamptons, Irish boy."

Merlin groaned at the thought of how easily he burned in the sun and allowed her to rub the sunblock in. "I'm Welsh, not Irish."

"But you grew up in Dublin and you're half Irish on your father's side." Percy pointed out. 

"I was _born_ in Dublin, but grew up in Ealdor," Merlin clarified. "So I consider myself Welsh."

"Like your mom," Gwen said, rubbing sunblock on his face. 

"Like my mum," Merlin agreed, a slight twinge in his chest at the mention of her. 

He closed his eyes and refused to let himself think of her anymore. Hunith's loss had been the hardest so he tried not to think of her unless he was already spiraling. 

Gwen continued to rub sunblock on his his arms, neck and face. It didn't take her that long and soon she was lying on Merlin similarly to how he was lying on Percival. 

"How's work been?" Merlin asked. 

He seemed to have chosen the right question because Gwen had a lot to tell him. He was more than happy to listen, even when it became mostly gossip. Percival obviously found it boring as he fell asleep, but it comforted Merlin. Eventually, Gwen quieted and Merlin followed Percy's lead. 

 

* * *

 

Merlin frowned as Gwaine wiped frosting off his face with a napkin, but didn't stop him even though it made him feel like a child. Both Gwaine and Lance were acting particularly overbearing today, contantly asking if he needed anything, never getting more than three feet away from him, and sometimes just staring at him as they dragged him all over New York. 

"What?" Gwaine asked as he deemed Merlin clean enough.

Merlin just shook his head and finished his cake. 

Gwaine stared at him and Merlin stared back. 

If Gwaine had something to say he would say it. 

Lance came back from the bathroom a minute later. "Everything all right?" 

Gwaine nodded, looking away from Merlin to Lance. "We should get going or we'll be late for the movie."

"Movie?" Merlin questioned. 

"Yes, we're going to see _A Crown of Fangs_ ," Lance said. 

And so Merlin was dragged to a nearby theater to see a movie he had never heard of. Though Gwaine stopped being overbearing in favor of irritating Merlin at every opportunity. 

Merlin felt little sparks of resenment but didn't outwardly react, afraid of what he might say if he allowed himself to snap. So he endured Gwaine taking his arm rest, stealing his candy, hogging the popcorn, occasionally drinking his slushie and talking through the movie.

After the movie, they were stood outside the theater, waiting for their Uber when Lance got a call from Gwen, wandering off a bit to talk to her privately. It was around then that Merlin noticed how sullen Gwaine looked.

"Are you all right?" Merlin asked. 

An easy smile spread across Gwaine's face. "Yeah. Just tired." 

Merlin wasn't convinced. "Liar. I know that smile. It's the smile of lies."

Gwaine actually seemed genuinely surprised by Merlin calling him out, but was still fast to protest. "My smiles are never anything less than genuine!"

"Right. So the smile you give your boss is totally real then?" 

"Yup."

"And it doesn't at all conceal the fact you think about murdering him and building your newest project on top of his corpse?" Merlin asked.

"Nope," Gwaine said, popping the  _p._

Merlin raised a crtical eyebrow at him and Gwaine just met his gaze stubbornly. 

Lance came back, interuppting their staring contest to lead them over to their Uber. 

By the time the made it back to Arthur’s, Gwaine had stopped going out of his way to irritate Merlin and he was able to enjoy his company again. Well, at least for awhile. 

 

* * *

 

|  _Bring home dinner for four, Princess._ |

Arthur rolled his eyes at Gwaine's nickname for him. | _What should I get?_ |

|  _I don't know. Something good.|_

|  _I'll order pizza. Use the money I left Merlin on the counter._ |

| _Okay._ O _ne pepperoni, one half meat lovers, one half Hawaiian (for Merlin)._ |

Arthur shook his head, unsurprised that Merlin liked something so disgusting. He pocketed his phone and went back to scanning the shelves, trying to pick his poison. 

He was torn between getting absolutely wasted and only getting a bit tipsy for Merlin's sake. He was an inconsistent type of drunk, sometimes he was loud and too affectionate with no inhibitions. Other times he was overly emotional and ended up crying all over the person unlucky enough to sit next to him. And rarely, he became too quiet and no one knew he was drunk until he tried to stand up and immediately fell to the floor that he often decided was just as good a place as any to fall sleep. 

He grabbed a bottle of Jameson, a bottle of champagne and a case of Heineken. 

"Having a party?" Guessed the cashier as she rung him up. 

"No, just in deseparte need of a drink," Arthur said. 

"Tough day?" She guessed. 

Arthur sighed. "Yeah."

She tossed a bag of pretzels on the counter. "On the house."

"Thanks," Arthur said, giving her a grateful smile. 

She smiled back before finishing ringing him up. 

Once in the car, Arthur ordered the food, hoping it would get to his place before he did, then finally called back Leon who had been trying to reach him since after Uther's lecture.  

"I heard about what happened earlier," Leon said in lieu of a proper greeting. 

Arthur sighed and started his car. "Everyone heard."

Leon kept him on the phone for the entire ride home and offered to make a proposal to Uther so Arthur could at least sift through submissions and handing off the most promising ones. It wouldn't be great like getting a new client, but it would at least give him work until his current clients gave something back to him. 

Arthur struggled to get his apartment door open, almost dropping everything in the process and then again once he managed it, completely unprepared for what he saw. 

"Don’t look so smug, you wanker!" Merlin shouted from where he sat half naked on top of an equally half naked Gwaine, who did in fact look very pleased with himself. 

"It's hard not to when I've managed to get your shirt off," Gwaine said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

Merlin scowled.

Arthur stepped into the apartment and kicked the door shut. "What are - "

"Princess!" Gwaine exclaimed gleefully, turning his head to look at him. "Welcome home! It's _exactly_ what it looks like!"

Merlin put a hand over Gwaine's mouth. "Ignore this idiot."

Lance walked in, also bare chested, but he carried what looked to be three of Arthur’s shirts. "Oh. You're home. We had a bit of an accident."

"No, _Gwaine_ , had a bit of an accident, and being the complete tosser he is, he made it _our_ problem too," Merlin corrected. 

"Sounds about right," Arthur said." _What_ exactly happened here?"

"Gwaine spilled marinara sauce all over himself then proceeded to chase us around the apartment until he got it on us too." Lance explained. 

Arthur shook his head. "Wanker."

Gwaine's shit eating grin became impossibly bigger. 

"That's it! I'm sending Elena those photos!" Merlin said. 

Arthur took note to ask about these photos later when he saw Gwaine's face fall. 

"You wouldn't!" 

Merlin raised an eyebrow as if to say  _wouldn't I?_

Gwaine stared at him defiantly. 

Arthur decided that if he actually wanted to get drunk tonight it would be best if he didn't drop everything because he stopped to watch them and started towards the kitchen. Lance tossed shirts to the two men on the floor and followed Arthur as he put one on himself.

"Any reason Gwaine's being particularly annoying?" Arthur asked, setting his small collection of alcohol on the counter. 

"Think he just wanted to get a reaction out of Merlin," Lance said. "Merlin’s been pretty quiet all day, and it's been driving him insane because he saw him chatting with Gwen and Percy at the park."

"I can understand that, but I'm not sure provoking Merlin is smart. He's deceptively strong." Arthur replied. 

Lance looked at him curiously. "He really is, but how do _you_ know that?" 

Arthur picked up the Heineken and went to put it in the fridge. "Last week, I tried washing this sweater he kept sleeping with because it smelled disgusting, but he would _not_ let go. So I waited until he went to take a shower and I grabbed it, but I didn't even get out of the living room before he tackled me, stole the sweater back and was gone again."

Lance laughed. "Did you get to wash it?"

Arthur shut the fridge and walked over to the cabinet to get himself a plate. "No, I backed off once he told me it was Will's, but my knee was sore for two days after that."

Lance didn't say anything, but Arthur noticed how he visibly tensed at the mention of Will. He assumed Lance was afraid Merlin might hear Will's name and get too quiet again at the mention of him so he didn't question it.

Arthur started fixing himself a plate, Lance hovering as if he wanted to tell Arthur something. 

Merlin walked in wearing one of Arthur’s tank tops. "Don't like pineapple on your pizza?" 

Arthur made a face. "No."

"Have you even tried it?" Merlin asked.

"Of course. That's how I know it's disgusting," Arthur said. 

"When was the last time you had it?" 

Arthur shrugged. "Awhile."

Merlin picked up one of the remaining slices and offered it to him. 

"No thanks." Arthur said dismissively. 

Merlin just pushed it into his lips. 

Arthur rolled his eyes and opened his mouth. It wasn't quite as bad as he remembered, but he wouldn't say he enjoyed it. 

"Definitely not my favorite," Arthur said. 

Merlin shook his head. "Such bad taste."

Arthur ignored him as he retrieved a bottle of Heinken he forgot to grab from the fridge. He noticed absently that Lance must have left while they were talking. 

"What happened at work?" Merlin asked.

Arthur popped the cap off his beer,  took a long swig and let out a heavy sigh before extolling his day to Merlin, occasionally taking bites of his pizza.

Merlin frowned. "No wonder you wanted to get drunk."

Arthur nodded and took a large bite of pizza.

"How long do you think he'll keep punishing you?" Merlin asked. 

Arthur shrugged. "There's no telling. Especially now that I've gone and embarrassed him further."

"And he has the gall to say _you’re_ acting like a child,"Merlin said. "If he didn't sound so terrifying I'd give him a piece of my mind."

The image of Merlin yelling at his father in only his hoodie and boxers came to mind, causing Arthur to start laughing. 

"What's so funny?" Gwaine asked as he walked into the kitchen. 

Arthur laughed even harder, tears coming out. 

Merlin told him what he said and then Gwaine was laughing just as hard as Arthur. 

Merlin frowned. "Why is that so funny to you?"

Arthur calmed down just enough to say, "Because I pictured you yelling at my father in nothing but your hoodie and Batman boxers!" and then he was gone again and Gwaine was clutching his side as he laughed harder.

Merlin smiled, but since he had never met Uther, it wasn't quite as hilarious to him. 

Lance walked in and looked between the three of them in confusion. "Um?"

Merlin just shook his head. 

After their little laughing bout, Gwaine proposed they all watch a movie, finally filling Lance in on why they were all laughing so hard as he threw an arm over his shoulders and led him into the living room. 

"Despite the laughter, I do appreciate the thought, Merlin," Arthur said as he picked up his plate to take with him. "I knew you weren't the gold digger my father keeps accusing you of being."

Merlin snorted. "Did he bring that up again today?"

"Somewhere in between how disappointed he is with me and how proud he is of Morgana," Arthur said with a frustrated sigh. 

"Well, you’re still _my_  favorite Pendragon. Even though you _are_ a bit of a prat," Merlin said bumping his shoulder playfully. 

Arthur laughed, pleasantly surprised by how much better those words made him feel. There was just something special about Merlin. 

"Are you two coming?!" Called Gwaine from the living room. 

 

* * *

 

Lance plopped down on Merlin's bed while Merlin went to get clothes for another shower since he still vaguely smelt like marinara sauce and a bit like whiskey after Arthur had accidentally dropped a shot on his lap. 

"Have fun today?" Lance asked. 

"Yeah. It was nice," Merlin answered honestly as he sifted through his clothes. 

"You seemed more chatty when Arthur came home," Lance said. 

Merlin shrugged and tossed Will's second favorite sweater onto his bed. "It's easy to talk to him."

Lance was quiet as Merlin searched for his underwear, speaking again once Merlin tossed the blue one's with little duckies on them onto the sweater. "You know, I always thought you two would get along. Or maybe murder each other. I chose to be optimistic of course."

Merlin chuckled as he finally found his Spider-Man pajama pants and tossed them next to Lance. 

"In fact, I was so optimistic that I convinced Gwen we should set you two up on a blind date," Lance confessed.

Merlin raised his eyebrow at him. "Really?"

Lance nodded. "She suggested we ask the others what they thought and we collectively decided it would either be the best or worst decision we ever made."

Merlin searched around for his deodorant. "Well, I dont remember ever going on a date with Arthur, so what happened?" 

"Unfortunately, you two are so similar, you both ended up cancelling on the many attempts to subtly force you together," Lance said. "And then you dated Percy and then Freya so we left it alone."

Merlin shook his head, stopping when he spotted his deodorant.  "Does Arthur know?" 

"No. It didn't seem important enough to tell him," Lance said. "It just popped into my head now because you two seem to be getting along swimmingly."

Merlin gathered everything from the bed while Lance slid off it gracefully. "Well I'm glad your optimism hasn't failed you or who knows where I'd be living now."

"Not sure where your things would be, but you would probably be leaving a Merlin sized dent in our couch," Lance said. 

Merlin chuckled. "No offense to your couch, but I prefer my luxurious queen sized bed."

Lance grinned and opened his arms. "I better be getting home to Gwen. I told her I wouldn't be out too late."

Merlin hugged him as best he could and walked him to the front door after they parted. He was surprised to find Arthur standing behind him as soon as he turned around. 

"Going somewhere?" Merlin asked. 

"I'm going to get some ice cream," Arthur said. "Do you want any?" 

"Strawberry cheesecake please," Merlin answered, opening the door again. 

Arthur nodded and walked through the doorway. 

"Wait, you’re not driving are you?" Merlin asked. 

Arthur shook his head. "Just going to the store down the street." 

"Do you have your phone in case you forget how to get back home?" Merlin asked. 

"Yes, but I'm not _that_ drunk _Mer_ lin. I'm just a bit tipsy is all," Arthur said a bit too confidently for a man who had nearly tripped over his own two feet only ten minutes before. 

"Right. If you're not back by the time I'm out of the shower I'm calling you to make sure you're not dead in a ditch somewhere." Merlin decided. 

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Okay, _Mom_. I'll be back soon."

"Be safe, _dear_!" Merlin called as Arthur started down the hall.

He shut the door to the sound of Arthur’s echoing laughter. 

 

* * *

 

 By the time Merlin showered and got dressed, Arthur still wasn't back yet so Merlin grabbed his phone from the coffee table and called him. 

"I'm not dead in a ditch somewhere, I just took a bit longer to decide on what I wanted." Arthur greeted. 

"Did it really take you over twenty minutes to decide what you wanted?" Merlin asked, amusement seeping into his tone.

"It was a very important decision, Merlin." Arthur said. 

Merlin grinned. "Clearly."

"Shut up."

Merlin plopped down on the couch. "I was agreeing with you!" 

"I can hear the teasing in your voice," Arthur said. 

"I don't know what you’re talking about." Merlin insisted, 

"Sure you don't." Arthur said. "I should be home in ten minutes."

"All right. Try not to get lost." Merlin told him. 

Arthur snorted. "Yes. It _is_ a very harrowing journey up the street."

Merlin just laughed as Arthur hung up. 

He was about to set his phone on the table when it buzzed in his hand. It was as he read the notification that his day snapped into full clarity. 

_11:59 PM, Tell Will Happy Birthday one last time._

Merlin suddenly couldn't breathe. 

 

* * *

 

Arthur almost tripped into the apartment, but managed to catch himself. Perhaps he _was_ a bit more drunk than he thought.

“Merlin!” He called into the apartment as he shut the door. “I couldn't find the strawberry cheesecake you wanted, but I found cheesecake brownie and I also got -”

Arthur stopped when he noticed the blanket wrapped lump on the kitchen table. It took his alcohol adled brain a moment to figure out what he was going to do. Arthur went and grabbed four spoons before he made his way over to the table. 

He didn't say a word as he sat in the chair in front of Merlin, who just covered his face, and pulled four pints of ice cream out of a plastic bag. He took the lid off the cheesecake brownie pint and lodged one of the spoons in it, then did the same to the rest of them.

“So, you have two choices,” Arthur said, breaking the heavy silence,”you can tell me what's wrong over ice cream or you can listen to me eat four pints of ice cream by myself and possibly see me throw up.”

Merlin didn't react.

"And _yes,_ I _will_ throw up on you," Arthur informed him. 

"Glad I grabbed _your_ blankets then," Merlin muttered, voice sounding rougher than normal. 

Arthur frowned at both the response and the realisation that Merlin had stolen the extra blankets he kept in his room. "I'm not going anywhere you know."

"I know," Merlin mumbled. 

Arthur struggled to say anything for a moment, but eventually landed on, "You’re going to tell me anyway so it might as well be as we fill up on ice cream."

He wasn't actually sure Merlin would end up telling him, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to act like he was.  Confidence was key. 

Merlin didn't move at first, but then he finally removed the blanket from his face and met Arthur's gaze. Arthur refrained from frowning when he saw how red Merlin’s eyes were. “Would you really eat four pints of ice cream in one sitting?”

“Yes," Arthur said. "Do not underestimate my ability to endlessly shovel food into my mouth.”

“Believe me, I don't,” Merlin mumbled, sniffling. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Arthur asked, offended.

Merlin didn't answer, but Arthur caught the fleeting smile he tried to hide as he sat up. “Do I have to pick two or can I have a little of each?” Merlin asked, looking down at his options.

Arthur shrugged. “I don't mind sharing if you don't.”

“A little of each it is,” Merlin said, reaching for the spoon lodged in the strawberry.

Arthur chose to start with the banana nut. 

They ate quietly for awhile, mixing and matching flavors before Merlin finally felt inclined to speak. “Today was Will’s Birthday and I didn't even realize because I was so distracted by Lance and Gwaine.” 

_Oh._

"Hence the table," Arthur said. Merlin still hadn't explained why he got on the table when he was feeling bad, but for now he would roll with it. 

Merlin nodded. "I guess I know why Gwaine kept stealing my phone yesterday. I usually set reminders like 'Tell Will Happy Birthday' at midnight and 'Tell Will Happy Birthday one last time' just before midnight."

"And only the second one popped up didn't it?" Arthur guessed.

Merlin nodded again. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what today was or I would've told you," Arthur said. 

A barely there smile was shot his way before Merlin stared down at the neat little row of ice cream between them. "They could have told me, ya know? I might have needed some space for awhile, maybe needed to cry and nap for bit, but I wouldn't have had a meltdown or whatever they were expecting."

"I don't know what they were expecting," Arthur admitted. "They hadn't even told me they were going to take you out."

Merlin sighed. "I'm sure they meant no harm, but...it was like a punch to the gut when I read the notification."

Arthur opened his mouth, but didnt know what to say besides, "I'm sorry."

Merlin twirled the spoon in the brownie cheesecake as he quietly said, "He would have been 24 today. I was going to surprise him with tickets to an early screening of _Lady Hart.”_

“That new Sophia Tír-Mòr, movie?” Arthur asked.

“Yeah. He was so obsessed with her. He even used her as his Twitter icon.” Merlin told him. 

“Really?” 

Merlin nodded, an amused smile suddenly gracing his face. “He probably would have given you a proper tongue lashing if he heard how you rejected her.”

Arthur smiled. “I bet a lot of people would.”

Merlin shoveled a spoonful of brownie cheesecake into his mouth while Arthur did the same with the cookie dough ice cream. Neither of them said anything for awhile as they continued to dwindle down the ice cream. 

An idea popped into Arthur’s head. 

“Why don't we watch _Nightstalkers?”_ Suggested Arthur.

Merlin paused in reaching for the strawberry. “What?”

“Lets watch _Nightstalkers,_ " Arthur said. "In honor of Will."

Merlin stared at him for moment, then a genuinely happy smile was beaming at Arthur. 

“Yeah. That sounds like a great idea,” Merlin said, sounding pleased. 

Arthur stood up, smiling too. “I'll go set everything up, you bring the ice cream.”

Merlin nodded, then slid off the table. 

Before Arthur could leave the kitchen, he felt Merlin grab his wrist to stop him and turned to face him. “Is something wro- “

Merlin pulled him into a tight hug. “Thank you,” he said so quietly that Arthur barely heard it.

Arthur was momentarily stunned, but he hugged him back after a moment. “You don't need to thank me, Merlin. I haven't done anything."

“Yes you have.” Merlin muttered. 

Arthur didn't respond choosing to squeeze Merlin just a little harder. Eventually, Merlin pulled away and seemed a little embarrassed by his actions.

“I'll go get everything ready,” Arthur said. “And you better not finish off the strawberry or else.”

"Or else what? You'll tell me about that dull story again?” Merlin sounded chock-full of emotion instead of mocking as intended, but they both chose to ignore that. 

Arthur cleared his throat loudly. “Clary was just an ordinary girl until - “

“I won’t finish off the strawberry ice cream!” Merlin cut in quickly, sounding seconds away from either laughing or crying or maybe both. 

Arthur smirked before he turned and went to the living room.

 

* * *

 

Merlin rolled his eyes at the question presented to him on screen.

_Are you still watching "Nightstalkers"?_

_Ugh._

The sun was starting to rise and it was getting incredibly hard to keep his eyes open, but it still took him a moment to decide. Arthur was passed out on the other end of the couch, despite having said he could watch one more, he had fallen asleep ten minutes into the episode Merlin had just finished. 

Merlin didn't mind. Even a bit drunk, Arthur's first priority had been to make Merlin feel better so as far as Merlin was concerned, he was allowed to pass out and cuddle his right leg if he wanted. 

Merlin turned off the Xbox, then put the controller on the table and stood up, carefully extracting his leg from Arthur's grasp, and stretching with all his might. He decided mid stretch to go out on the terrace, something he hadn't done before, to watch the sunrise.

The air was pleasantly cool, the soft light of the rising sun offering little warmth as he walked to the edge of the terrace and stared down at the city below

Merlin just observed for awhile, sleepy, but feeling unready to let it claim him. Will sprang into his mind as he caught sight of a dog running on the sidewalk with its owner. Will had always wanted a dog. It didn't matter what kind, he had just longed for one.

Merlin surprised himself when the barely audible, “I miss you, Will," slipped out.

And then Merlin couldn't stop himself from talking. "I'm sorry I forgot your birthday, but it hasn't been so easy for me lately. I never seem to know what day it is anymore, you know? And I just thought Lance and Gwaine were being overbearing because they've been worried about me."

Merlin looked up at the sky as he continued, "Look, I don't know what happens when you die, but if somehow, you can hear me... Will, I'm not doing so great without you, but I don't want you to worry too much. I have some really great friends looking after me, so you should live it up - no that's - you know what I mean!"

Merlin sighed, his face hot with embarrassment. "Just...look after mom and Freya, okay? I'll try a little harder to pull myself together, but I can't promise I'll ever be the same without you - any of you..." 

Merlin heard a loud thump come from the living room and he looked back to see Arthur was on the floor now. Merlin shook his head, his lips twitching as he looked back up. 

"I just have to take it one day at a time right? Like you did after your dad?" Merlin asked. 

There wasn't a sudden gust of wind in response like there might have been if this were a movie, but Merlin still felt lighter than he had in months. Even though it wouldn't last, even though he still had loads of healing to do, it was nice to know that someday he would feel okay again.

Merlin wiped at his eyes before he went back inside to stand over Arthur who was clearly awake, but didn't seem inclined to get off the floor.

"Comfy?" Merlin asked. 

Arthur grunted. 

Merlin picked his head up and Arthur looked at him sleepily. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I have are vague ideas for the next three chapters, so I can't promise the next update will come any faster. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think so far!
> 
> Tbh I love pineapple on pizza.


	7. Errands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think this is the most you've spoken in one day since I met you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long!

Arthur gently shook Merlin's shoulder to wake him up. 

"What?" Merlin mumbled, sleepily. 

"You're still coming with me to run errands, right?" Arthur asked. 

"Yeah," Merlin muttered, even as he snuggled into the couch cushion.

"Then get up and get ready. You were supposed to be awake twenty minutes ago." 

"Mhm." Merlin covered his face with his blanket. 

" _Mer_ lin." Arthur said, shaking him again. 

Merlin groaned and slapped weakly at Arthur's arm. 

"Merlin get up."

Merlin didn't respond. 

"Merlin, you already said you’d come with me," Arthur whined. 

Merlin snored softly. 

Arthur frowned and shook him again. "Merlin, get up before I make you."

Merlin reached blindly until he was patting various places on Arthur’s head. 

Arthur grabbed his wrist. "What on _earth_ are you doing?"

"Looking for the off switch," Merlin grumbled. 

"That's it," Arthur said, standing up. 

Before Merlin could react, Arthur pulled him off the couch, feeling satisfied by the soft thud he heard as Merlin landed at his feet. 

Merlin groaned, blinking up at a smirking Arthur. 

"Good morning," Arthur greeted. 

Merlin glared at him. "Dollophead."

Arthur’s smirk remained as he said, "If you're not in the car in ten minutes, I'm leaving without you."

Merlin sat up, rubbing his eyes. "And what a tragedy _that_ would be."

Arthur just mussed up Merlin’s hair and left his cranky roommate to get ready for the day. He grabbed his messenger bag from the kitchen counter, and called, "Wear jeans, not sweatpants! And at least pick a _clean_ hoodie, not the same one you've been wearing the past four days!"

Merlin’s response was a mocking, "Yes _mum_!"

 

* * *

 

Arthur watched Merlin make his way towards him wearing black shorts, instead of jeans as requested, but he was wearing a clean hoodie, so Arthur counted it as a win. 

"You dress like like an insomniac despite your tendency to sleep all day," Arthur observed as Merlin joined him in the car. 

Merlin snorted. " _You_ dress like a respectable businessman despite your tendency to be a posh prat."

"You keep calling me that, but I don't see how I'm prat," Arthur said.

"You call yourself my sugar daddy constantly to embarrass me, wake me up way too early for breakfast, steal my blankets, and refuse to answer my questions about  _The Mikaelsons,"_ Merlin listed. 

Arthur turned to him. "First, I'm only stating the facts. Second, you need to eat and you get to go to sleep right after. Third, I only steal them to wash them and I even give you some of mine to use while I do. Lastly, I'm not going to spoil anything for you, you have to read it yourself,  _Mer_ lin."

Merlin huffed. "You are also insufferably nice."

Arthur laughed. "Is that supposed to be a _bad_ thing?"

"Yes because it masks the fact that you're incredibly irritating," Merlin said. 

Arthur chuckled. "Get under your skin, do I?"

"Sometimes."

"But you still listen to all my boring work stories and help me sift through manuscripts on my lunch break so I can't be that bad," Arthur pointed out. 

"I only do those things out of pity," Merlin grumbled. 

Arthur reached over and mussed up his hair. "You’re just grumpy because I'm making you get out of the apartment."

"I'm not grumpy," Merlin muttered. "And if I _was_ it would be because it's 7AM and I didn't get to bed until three."

" _You're_ the one who insisted you had to finish your show." Arthur said. 

"I had to know how the Medici's regained their status in Florence," Merlin explained, as if that was a reasonable justification for staying up so late. 

Arthur just grinned as he reached in between the seats to pull out a clipboard that he handed to Merlin. 

"What’s this for?" Merlin asked, looking over the clipboard curiously. 

"It's what I have to take care of today," Arthur said. "It would help me if you could cross off things as we do them." 

Merlin nodded. "Okay."

"First, we're going to Starbucks to get some breakfast, then we'll go to the bank so I can get the money I need for my bills," Arthur said as he started the car. 

"What’s five hundred M?" Merlin asked once they were on the road. 

Arthur was careful not to react too strongly. "That's just how much I'll need for Morgana's birthday present if I decide to get it."

Merlin looked at him curiously. "What are you getting her?" 

Fortunately, Arthur had an easy answer. "I can't tell you."

"And why not?" Merlin asked. 

"Morgana has a habit of interrogating anyone around me to find out what I bought for her, so I never tell anyone anymore," Arthur said. 

"She's _that_ nosy?" Merlin questioned. 

" _Oh_ , _yeah_." Arthur confirmed. 

"Hm." Merlin went back to looking at the cilpboard. 

Arthur turned on the radio, keeping the volume just low enough to allow for talking, but loud enough to comfortably fill the silence. 

"Just how rich _are_ you?" 

Arthur shrugged. "I'm pretty well off."

"No kidding," Merlin said. "You could afford to pay for my rent and utilties almost three times over."

"Well, I've got a healthy trust fund and a high paying job so I've never had to worry about money," Arthur admitted. "In fact, I'll never have to worry. The London office will go to me after I marry."

"You have a London office?" 

"I haven't told you much about the company have I?" Arthur asked. 

"Or yourself really." Merlin said. 

Arthur realized that neither of them really knew much about each other and quickly decided to rectify that. "Right so you probably dont know that I grew up in London where my father first founded Pendragon Publishing over twenty-nine years ago or that we moved to New York when I was sixteen to start up an office here."

Merlin shook his head. "I've only heard some stories about you from the others. Like the time you drunkenly kissed Lance and wouldn't stop crying because you felt like you betrayed Gwen, even though she dared you to do it."

Arthur frowned. "Is that _really_ the first story that popped into your head?"

"It's quite a memorable story." Merlin pointed out. 

Arthur shook his head, disappointed in both his drunk self and his friends. "Well, anyway, my point is, I have financial security for the rest of my life, and whoever I marry will never have to want for anything, nor will any children I have."

"Huh. I really lucked out in the sugar daddy department." Merlin muttered and Arthur saw him stiffen out of the corner of his eye. 

Arthur stole a glance to his right and burst into laughter when he saw the mortified expression on Merlin's face. Clearly Merlin hadn't meant to say that. 

Merlin huffed and stared out his window. " _See_? You're an incredibly irritating _prat_!"

Arthur forced himself to stop laughing, not wanting to crash, but a smug smile stayed on his face long after that, much to Merlin’s obvious annoyance.

 

* * *

 

"Shut up," Arthur said in regards to the pleased grin Merlin gave him as he joined him at the table with not one, but _two_ of the sugary coffees he still claimed to hate and their breakfast sandwiches.

"So, Merlin," Arthur started as he adjusted comfortably in his seat,"it seems we don't really know each other all that well and I think we should fix that."

Merlin was busy sipping his coffee, but still nodded in agreement. 

"Let's start simple," Arthur said, "Where are you from originally?"

Merlin licked whipped cream off his lips before answering. "Well, I was born in Dublin because that's where my father's from, but he passed when I was only 2 months old. So then mum took us back to Ealdor and that's where I grew up."

"I heard you lived in London before you came here. Did you go to school there?" Arthur bit into his sandwich. 

Merlin nodded. "I went to the University of London. I was planning on becoming a veterinarian, but I couldn't find the money to even finish off my bachelor's degree, so I came to New York to work for an old friend of my mum's, Gaius, until I could. He owned a bookstore which is where I eventually met Gwen."

"And that's how you found your way into our little group." Arthur said. 

Merlin hummed in confirmation as he sipped his coffee.

"May I ask what happened to Gaius?" Arthur asked. 

Merlin let out a satisfied sigh then said, "He passed away about two years ago."

Arthur hid his frown behind his sandwich. "My condolences." 

_He seems to have lost so many people in his life._

Merlin looked sad, but it wasn't heavy like when he suddenly got too quiet or curled up on the kitchen table. "He was like a father to me, and I miss him terribly, but he wasn't the same after his wife Alice passed. I hope he found some peace."

Arthur bit into his sandwich to cover the fact that he didn't know how to turn the conversation from here. 

"Anyways," Merlin continued,"after he passed, his son, Rory, sold the shop and put the money into his children's college fund. And I decided I loved New York so much I wanted to stay here, so I found a job at McDonald's to pay for my apartment."

"What about school?"

"I was able to save up enough for two semesters when I worked for Gaius, so I took some classes here that would transfer if I went back to London. Of course during my second semester, Freya and Will begged me to come back to London for awhile so I was going to move as soon as it was over, but then Leon was able to find a scholarship funded by Pendragon Publishing and I stayed to complete a third semester." Merlin said. 

Arthur frowned. "Pendragon Publishing only offers scholarships to English majors."

"Leon said it was a general scholarship and that as long as I submitted a short story to prove my creativity, he could guarantee I was chosen." 

"Well he must have lied because like I said, we only offer scholarships to English majors," Arthur said.

Now Merlin was frowning. "Really?" 

Arthur nodded. 

Merlin didn't say anything for a full minute, his frown deepening as the information sunk in. 

"Merlin?" Arthur asked worriedly. 

"I can't believe him!" Merlin exclaimed. "He lied to me!  _Leon_ , lied to me!"

"I'm sure he had his reasons," Arthur offered. 

Merlin didn't seem placated by that. "But he still lied! He made me write a ten thousand word story!"

"But he also somehow paid for you to go to school." Arthur pointed out. 

"But he deceived me!"

"But you got to work on your degree." 

Merlin looked frustrated as he said, "Only because Leon made up a fake scholarship."

"Is that really such a bad thing?" Arthur asked. "He may have lied, but it was only to help you." 

Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose. "He knows how much I hate people paying for me."

Arthur opened his mouth, but Merlin raised his free hand to stop him. 

" _You_ don’t count because we talked about it beforehand and I'm _going_ to pay you back," Merlin said. "He never offered, he just tricked me so he could give me the money."

Arthur was suddenly feeling less confident about his trip to the bank, but said, "I don’t think you should be so upset over this. Leon is your friend and he only meant to help you."

Merlin groaned in frustration. "You don’t get it!"

"Get what?" Arthur prodded. 

"I'm not comfortable with people giving me money like I'm some kind of charity case," Merlin answered. "I may have grown up poor, but that doesn't mean I'm still so desperate for money that I'll mooch off my richer friends without a second thought! And it _certainly_ doesn't mean I'm just going to be okay with being _tricked_ into being given money!"

Arthur frowned.  "I doubt Leon sees you as a charity case, Merlin. He loves you, and he probably knew how you’d react if he tried to give you the money directly."

Merlin huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "That doesn't make me feel any better about this."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "What will? Yelling at him?"

Merlin considered it for a brief moment before shaking his head, letting out an annoyed sigh. "Maybe. No. I don't know!"

"So you'll move past it then?" Arthur asked.

"After I have a word with your dear best friend," Merlin said, grabbing his sandwich to take a particularly large chunk out of it.

Arthur wasn't too worried by that statement. The sad truth was, even if Merlin wanted to chew out Leon, he simply wouldn't have the energy to do it properly when given the chance. 

"Your turn," Merlin said before taking another bite of his sandwich. 

Arthur took a quick sip of his coffee then, "I was born in London. My mother passed away when I was four and that only seemed to spur my father into working even harder than before to make Pendragon Publishing the number one publishing house in Europe. And then once he managed that, he decided to aim higher and moved us all here."

"I'm sorry about your mother," Merlin said, picking at his sandwich. "Well, _and_ your father."

Arthur chuckled at that second part. "Yes, well, I've learned to accept my father as he is. Even if he won't do the same for me."

"That's because you’re the better man," Merlin said.

Arthur opened his mouth to argue, his first instinct being he had to defend his father, but he paused when he remembered it was _Merlin_ he was talking to. Merlin had heard plenty about Uther and the way he treated Arthur, so what would even be the point of jumping to his defense? "I think you're just saying that so I'll keep buying you coffee." 

Merlin shrugged. "Any other time maybe, but this time I actually mean it"

Arthur smiled, reaching for his coffee to hide it. 

"Where did you go to school?" Merlin asked in between bites of his sandwich. 

And so then Arthur told Merlin all about attending NYU, meeting their friends, and everything in between. He told Merlin about the disastrous flings he had, and about the many times he had disappointed Uther when he had been out having his fun. 

He told him how he once stole a goat when he was drunk and accidentally terrified sober him by managing to get red paint all over himself and causing himself to think he killed it. 

Merlin had laughed, so loud and gleefully, that it prompted him to tell him more drunken stories, even ones he dreaded other people knowing because Arthur wanted to hear Merlin laugh more. Sure Merlin smiled, sure he chuckled or let out laughs occasionally, but never ones that were loud enough to draw other people's attention to him - well at least people who didn't watch him like a hawk. 

They stayed at the coffee shop way too long, putting Arthur a bit behind schedule, though it was hard to mind when Merlin was practically radiating his good mood as they walked to the car. 

 

* * *

 

As they went around paying the bills, Arthur and Merlin exchanged stories from their respective childhoods. Arthur’s stories mostly contained hijinks with Morgana in their big empty house and Merlin’s mostly contained ways he and Will terrorised their small town. 

"You were an absolute menace!" Arthur declared with a laugh. 

Merlin grinned. "I really was. Mum was always apologizing on mine and Will's behalf."

Arthur shook his head, a wide grin spreading across his face. "That poor old man must have hated you."

"Oh he did," Merlin assured him. "He was the reason Will and I weren't allowed to buy fireworks in Ealdor."

Arthur cocked his eyebrow, his amused grin starting to hurt his cheeks. "And what _exactly_ did you do to him to lose that privilege?"

"We _may_ have shot a rocket off too close to his shed and that shed  _may_ have burned down," Merlin said offhandedly. 

Arthur gaped. " _No_!"

Merlin grinned as he said, " _Yes._ Mom wanted to make us help him around his garden as an apology, but he told her he'd rather raze it to the ground himself than let either of us near it."

Arthur laughed. "I can't say I blame him after what Will did to his hydrangeas."

Merlin went noticeably quiet and Arthur feared he might have upset him somehow, his laughter fading as he stole a glance at the other man. Merlin still had a smile on his face, but the sadness in his eyes was impossible to overlook. 

"Merlin?" Arthur gently prodded. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I just...I really miss them." Merlin confessed quietly. 

Arthur reached over and gave Merlin's knee a reassuring squeeze. "I know."

Merlin put his hand over Arthur’s, but he didn't say anything for a while and neither did Arthur. It was a little after noon, the traffic was heavy and slow moving as way too many people were on their lunch break. Arthur's mind started to wander as the silence stretched. 

"How do you feel about grilled salmon?" Arthur asked eventually. 

He could feel Merlin looking at him. "I like it. Why?" 

"I'm trying to decide where we're having lunch," Arthur explained, delighted when he saw the mostly empty parking lot of his insurance company. 

"Don't I get a say?" Merlin asked, sounding more amused rather than offended. 

"No." Arthur answered firmly, turning into the parking lot. 

"You’re not taking me somewhere posh enough to have a dress code, are you?" The question was asked with a hint of accusation. 

Arthur snorted. "Not with your horrendous table manners."

"And what’s wrong with my table manners?" Merlin demanded. 

"Merlin, sometimes you put your head on the table next to your plate and push your food off the edge towards your mouth." Arthur pointed out, pullng into his chosen parking place. "It's a really disgusting thing to have to witness."

"I wouldn't do that in public!" Merlin exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air, giving Arthur the chance to take his hand back. 

"You also make noises sometimes that are almost pornographic, get food all over your face, and eat with your elbows on the table, though at least you eat with your mouth closed." Arthur continued, adjusting his parking. 

"But I only do that stuff when it's just us," Merlin said. "I wouldn't do that at a restaurant."

"I'm confused, are you trying to talk me _out_ of or _into_  taking you to a posh restaurant?" Arthur asked as he finally put the car in park. 

"Neither, I'm just defending my honour."  Merlin insisted. 

Arthur shut off the car, and held out his hand for the clipboard that Merlin quickly handed to him. "In that case, I'm taking you to a posh restaurant for dinner."

Merlin groaned. "But I'm too tired."

Arthur found the check he needed and pulled it off the clipboard. "You’re always tired."

"Yes, but - "

"No, buts Merlin. You’re going to eat expensive food and wear nice clothes for dinner. That's final." Arthur unbuckled his seatbelt then started filling out the check as he spoke. 

Merlin huffed. "I forgot to add bossy to the list of reasons you’re a prat."

Arthur just smirked. 

"Can I at least take a nap after lunch?" Merlin asked. 

Arthur rolled his eyes. " _Yes,_ _Mer_ lin. You can have your precious naptime after lunch."

Merlin sighed in relief. 

"But I'm picking out your outfit for dinner tonight," Arthur informed him, signing the check. 

"Of course you are." Arthur handed Merlin back the clipboard, smiling at the eyeroll that accompanied that statement. 

Arthur reached for the door handle,  intending to get out, but he paused, looking back to Merlin with another smile.

"What?" Merlin asked when Arthur had been staring too long. 

"I think this is the most you've spoken in one day since I met you," Arthur said. 

"Oh." Merlin said, sounding uncertain. "Is that a bad thing?"

"I wouldn't be smiling if it were," Arthur pointed out.

The tips of Merlin’s ears turned pink, and he couldn't seem to meet Arthur’s eyes anymore. 

Arthur's smile just grew bigger. "Are you blushing?"

" _No_." Merlin lied, even as he blushed harder. "Go pay your bill, clotpole!"

Arthur threw his head back as he laughed. "Alright, I'm going."

Arthur opened the door, but still didn't get out. "Hey, why don’t I invite Percy and Leon to dinner?"

Merlin thought over the suggestion a moment, then nodded. "I need to talk to Leon."

Arthur finally got out of the car, thinking of what outfit he would have Merlin wear as he made his way into the insurance company. 

 

* * *

 

Merlin fiddled with his tie, feeling a bit out of sorts in the black suit Arthur had made him wear. It was a little too big, and more expensive than anything Merlin owned, but he _was_ relieved he wasn't wearing the cheap suit he had worn to the funerals. He didn't think he could stay grounded if he had. 

Arthur slapped his hand away. "Your tie is perfect. Stop fussing with it."

Merlin dropped his hands into his lap. "I can't believe I let you bring me here."

Arthur just rolled his eyes. "I'm sure you'll forgive me once you've eaten."

"If I ever get to," Merlin said. "Leon and Percy are over twenty minutes late."

"I'm sure they'll be here soon." Arthur assured. 

Merlin just hummed in response and took a drink of his water, looking to the front doors in the hope the rest of their party would show so he could order his chicken fettuccini already. 

Arthur drew his attention again by saying, "Can I ask you something?" 

Merlin set his glass down, swallowing his water before he said,  "Sure."

"Is it ever weird between you and Percy?" Arthur asked. 

Merlin shook his head. "No. We had fun together, but we were never going to have an epic romance or anything."

"So it doesn't feel weird to see him and Leon together?" Arthur questioned. 

Merlin shrugged. "We love each other, just not that way. It wasn't ever going to last between us, so why would I find it weird to see him happy with someone else? He’s my friend first, ex boyfriend second."

Arthur seemed to mull over his response, looking thoughtful as he reached for his drink. It seemed the perfect opportunity to get revenge for not letting Merlin nap as the prat had promised. 

"And if you're wondering," Merlin said as Arthur took a sip of his water,"his prick is as big as the rest of him."

Immediately, Arthur spit out half of the water in his mouth and started choking on the other. 

Merlin was laughing so hard, he didn't care that Arthur had sprayed him. Some of the other patrons turned to look at them, but most didn't seem to notice Arthur coughing and spluttering. It took a few minutes before Arthur was able to clear his throat and settle properly, having to assure the waitress he was fine several times before she left to get him another drink. 

"I _didn't_ need to know that, _Mer_ lin." Arthur's voice sounded a bit rough, and he was glaring at Merlin as he spoke.

Merlin smiled at him cheekily. "Well now you do. I'd also like to add, Percy is amazing in bed and Leon is certainly a lucky man."

Arthur frowned, his glare intensifying. "Leon's like my _brother_. I _really don’t_ want to know."

Merlin didn't add anything else, feeling satisfied that he’d already teased Arthur enough and changed the subject to _The Mikaelsons._

Arthur still refused to spoil anything for him, much to Merlin’s annoyance. Leon and Percy eventually turned up, apologizing for being late - apparently Uther had kept Leon later than planned - and then they were finally able to order and have a nice dinner.

 

* * *

 

Merlin pulled Leon away from the other two members of their party who were chattering on about Game of Thrones. Leon simply linked their arms together and let Merlin lead them. 

Merlin had thought of many ways to confront Leon since that morning, but none of them ended up mattering as he blurted, "I know what you did."

Leon looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

"The scholarship," Merlin clarified. 

Leon didn't seem fazed. "What about it?"

"I know it was fake," Merlin said. "Arthur told me Pendragon Publishing only gives scholarships to English majors."

"They do." Leon confirmed. "And as far as anyone there knows, you _are_ an English major. "

" _What_?"

"Last August, Uther assigned me to choose which lucky individuals received the scholarships for the Spring semester, which means I did all the fact checking and essay reading. Which is how I managed to get you one." Leon explained. "All I had to do was get Uther to sign off on it. I knew he'd never check."

Merlin gaped, stopping in his tracks. 

Leon halted too. 

"You lied to get me a scholarship?" Merlin asked. 

Leon nodded. "Would have done it sooner, but Uther usually picks the recipients himself or gets Arthur to."

Merlin was reeling from the information. "But...but you’re _Leon._ Loyal, good hearted Leon who works way too hard. "

Leon chuckled. "And _you’re_ Merlin. 25. Welsh. Dreams of being a vet, but not exactly flushed with enough cash to accomplish it."

Merlin opened his mouth to speak, but Leon pressed on. "Listen, I understand if you’re upset with me Merlin, but I won't apologize for what I did. I saw how much you hated your jobs, even when you worked for Gaius your heart was never in it. I just wanted to help you work towards your dream so you could finally do something that made you happy."

"But you stole from work!"

"More like I distributed money incorrectly." Leon said. "And if you’re worried I took an opportunity away from someone else, don’t be. I sent the rejected applications to other publishing houses offering scholarships."

And just like that, Merlin deflated, all traces of anger leaving him as he ran out of justifications to stay upset. 

Merlin kept walking, despite not having anything left to say. He knew he was lucky to have the friends he did, really lucky. They were loving, fun, and well meaning, but some part of him had really wanted to pick a fight tonight.

Some part of him had wanted to yell, to lay into Leon for going behind his back, and to storm off in a fit of anger. Some part of him had been disappointed by how quickly he had forgiven Leon. It was disconcerting really, but it made Merlin just a bit grateful Arthur hadn't let him nap because if he wasn't so exhausted, he feared that ugly part of him might have actually won. 

Now, Merlin felt oddly subdued, as if he had gone into battle with full armor, armed to the teeth, and stumbled onto the field only to find the battle was already over. 

"You know," Leon said, interrupting his thoughts,"when you’re ready to go back to school, I can help you with another scholarship."

"What if you get caught?" Merlin asked. 

Leon shrugged. "I'm too essential for Uther to fire. At most, he'll take the money from my checks until I pay it all back, but I can afford it. Percy makes enough to cover us for awhile if need be."

"Leon..."

Leon came to an abrupt halt, making Merlin stop with him. "Merlin, you do so much for me - for all of us really - and there's nothing we wouldn't do for you, even if its means working around your stubbornness to do it."

"I haven't done that much," Merlin protested, not knowing what else to say. 

Leon didn't even hesitate in shutting that statement down. "Merlin you practically ran Gaius' bookstore by yourself and you still managed to find time to be there for five other people whenever they needed you.  And then you worked as many hours you possibly could at a shitty job while going to school and you still didn't hesitate to prioitze us first. I'm pretty sure you've been running on coffee and adrenaline since you were nineteen because you put everyone else's well-being above your own."

"You make me sound like some kind of saint," Merlin mumbled. 

"I wouldn't say saint, more like selfless idiot," Leon teased. 

Merlin was shocked into laughter and Leon beamed. 

Merlin started walking them again. "You know, I don't think you've ever insulted me before." 

"I save most of my insults for Arthur, or Gwaine," Leon admitted. 

"I'm sure they deserve them," Merlin said, the subdued feeling now replaced by  contentment. 

"They do," Leon assured him. 

They fell into a not quite so comfortable silence, but Merlin knew it was because Leon was waiting for a sign of either forgiveness or anger. Merlin let the silence stretch, knowing full well what he was going to say, but wanting Leon to sweat just a bit for going behind his back. 

Merlin turned them around and led them back to the others. He waited until he could hear Arthur talking to Percy about some shared Uni experience before he quietly said, "Thank you."

Leon nodded. "You're welcome, Merlin."

 

* * *

 

When they returned home, Merlin went directly to his room, something that would have concerned Arthur if he hadn't listened to Merlin's snoring the entire car ride back. Arthur went to the living room to finish reading a promising submission, not quite tired enough to fall asleep. 

Time passed by rather quickly, but Arthur hardly noticed as he became engrossed in a dystopian story titled  _The Ashes of Man._ He found it a bit disorienting when his attention was snapped away by a sudden weight landing on the couch. 

He blinked and looked up to see Merlin sitting on the other end of the couch, facing him. "I thought you were asleep." 

"I was, but I had a bad dream and now I can't get back to sleep." Merlin said with a weary sigh. 

"Oh. I'm sorry."

Merlin shrugged. "It's not your fault."

"I know, but I'm still sorry," Arthur said sympathetically. 

Merlin flashed him a weak smile, then asked, "Got anything for me to read?" 

Arthur nodded to his messenger bag on the coffee table, and Merlin reached for it. "Want to tell me about your dream first?" 

Merlin dug into the bag, not meeting his eyes. "Not really."

"Okay." Arthur said. He went back to reading. 

Merlin settled back into the couch, stretching his legs out next to Arthur’s, and then they were silent. 

A while later, Merlin shifted and managed to kick Arthur.  Arthur lightly kicked him back, not even looking up from his book. Merlin retaliated, then Arthur, and then they were in a kicking war that eventually ended in laughter. 

As they settled back into reading, Arthur couldn't help but look at Merlin and feel happy. It had only been a month and a half since Merlin had moved in, but they got along so well it felt like it had been longer. 

Sure, Merlin had his moods, but Arthur did too, and they both handled them as they came. And yes, Merlin slept all day, sometimes on the kitchen table, had poor hygiene, always seemed to be somewhere between half naked and drowning in clothes, but none of those things detracted from his character or how he always manged to brighten Arthur’s day. 

Merlin seemed to seamlessly fill in the spaces of himself Arthur didn't even realize were missing. 

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," Merlin said, making Arthur realize he had been staring. 

Arthur dropped his gaze back to his book. "I would, but I'm afraid my camera would break."

"Well, if it's managed to capture _you_ without breaking I'm pretty sure it's indestructible," Merlin shot back. 

Arthur looked up at him, gaping, while he struggled to think of a comeback. 

Merlin smirked at him, and all Arthur ended up doing in response was kicking him. Still, the happiness in Arthur’s chest remained, even as they settled once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on my current plan, this fic will likely have about 20 or so chapters.
> 
> Who knows when I'll finish the next chapter, but it's titled 'Burned Cookies' and it will for sure be posted a lot quicker than this chapter was considering I wrote most of it before this one. 
> 
> Anyways, please let me know what you think so far!
> 
> Also, if you’re interested I wrote a merthur ficlet 'Permanence' you can read while you wait for the next chapter of this!


	8. Burned Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :) :| :( :) :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your wonderful comments! They never fail to put a big dopey smile on my face!

_We seemed to have run out of things for a proper breakfast (Did you eat all my cheerios after I went to bed? I told you to eat the leftover pasta if you got hungry!)  I left my card on the kitchen counter, get some groceries and anything else you want or need. Meet me for lunch at 2 at The Grill. - Arthur_  
  
Merlin yawned and stuck the sticky note - that he had found on his forehead - on the bathroom mirror. At least the mystery of why Merlin hadn't been rudely woken up to eat had been solved.  
  
Merlin hopped in the shower, letting the too hot water run over his skin and wake up him. He chose not to linger and was cleaned, fully dressed and out the door in fifteen minutes.  
  
Luckily, there was a supermarket only a few blocks from Arthur’s apartment so it didn't take Merlin long to reach it. He walked around the store a bit aimlessly with a basket until he found the cereal aisle where he grabbed a family size box of Arthur's precious Cheerios and a box of Lucky Charms.  
  
Next he went to get milk, eggs, and all of the usual things Arthur liked to make for breakfast. He stopped in front of a freezer and stared at the ice cream, debating whether or not he should get any.

It was as he grabbed a pint of strawberry cheesecake that Will's Birthday popped into his head.  
  
It had been a reasonably good day, with a bit of a hard night that could have been a lot worse without Arthur.  
  
Arthur had had a shitty day himself, and even gotten a bit drunk, but as soon as he'd spotted Merlin on the table, he’d tried to make him feel better.  
  
And he did.  
  
He'd plied Merlin with ice cream and let Merlin tell him all the interesting facts he knew about Nightstalkers because of Will - even the ones about Sophia he had pretended to be interested in. He'd fought his sleep as long as he could so Merlin wouldn't have to be alone and let him have the last of the strawberry ice cream.  
  
Arthur was always adapting to what he thought Merlin needed -  was always taking care of Merlin the best he could and Merlin was grateful to have met him.  
  
Merlin may have been prone to complaining about Arthur waking him up early or taking his favorite blankets to wash without telling him, but he really did appreciate it. Just as as he appreciated that Arthur never complained about his smell, even if he hadn't showered in days, and that he did Merlin’s laundry without complaint and that he always seemed determined to get at least one laugh out of Merlin.

And while Merlin listened to Arthur vent about his day, and tried his best to cheer him up, it didn't feel like he offered enough in return.  
  
He wanted to do _something_ \- even if wasn't much - to show Arthur that he appreciated all he did for him.  
  
The first idea to pop into Merlin's head was making Arthur his favorite cookie - something Arthur had mentioned the week before when they'd stopped at a bakery to get Elena the brownies she was craving. They had run out of Macadamia nut cookies and Arthur had pouted and gotten peanut butter instead.  
  
Merlin quickly looked up a recipe and set off to find what he needed for Macadamia nut cookies. It took him awhile to find the white chocolate chips and vanilla extract, but he was still feeling pleased with his idea by the time he made it to the checkout.  
  
Sure, making someone cookies wasn't a big deal really, but it was at least _something_ Merlin could doto thank Arthur for dealing with his moods, lack of hygiene, undereating - and recently, overeating - and for just generally being a good person.

Merlin considered calling for an uber as Arthur usually did when he wasn't in the mood to drive, but decided he could handle the short walk. He almost dropped the groceries a few times, but ultimately managed to get home with everything intact.  
  
He put away everything but what he needed to make the cookies and got started immediately, wanting to finish them so he could take some to lunch.  
  
Merlin made a mess of both the kitchen and himself as he worked on the cookie dough, knowing Arthur would have a fit if he saw. He only seemed to complain when other people made a mess, perpetuating the misconception that he was a neat freak.  
  
Once the cookies were in the oven, Merlin went to change. Just as he grabbed a clean shirt his phone started ringing in the living room and he rushed to answer it.  
  
"Hello?" Merlin answered, tossing the shirt aimlessly. He was disappointed to discover it was only a wrong number.

He checked the time on his phone and saw he still had half an hour before he had to leave to meet Arthur so he turned on the Xbox, loaded up Netflix and continued watching the Office.  
  
It was as he was laughing at one of Jim's many pranks on Dwight that he suddenly felt different. His laughter didn't feel genuine anymore, and then it was as if all humor had left him.  
  
_No, no. I was fine. I was fine!_  
  
Merlin tried, he really did, to chase the content feeling he had before, but It was gone and he was struck by a sadness that wasn't - for once - attached to anything in particular. It settled heavy in his chest, his throat constricting as unbidden tears filled his eyes, but didn't fall. 

This had happened a few times and he knew there wasn't anything he could do to snap out of it. The sadness would eventually fade and he might turn numb for awhile, but he would be okay. 

He would.

But for now he would have to wait.  
  
Merlin instinctively wrapped himself in his blankets and laid on the couch, staring at the TV, but not actually registering what he saw. He refused to allow himself to make it worse by dwelling on _why_ this happened sometimes. He had done that before and it wasn't at all pretty or healthy, not when he felt like this.   
  
Eventually, his eyes closed and he drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

   
  
Arthur frowned as he heard Merlin's voicemail yet again. He hung up and called again immediately, but still got his voicemail in the end. It wasn't like Merlin to stand Arthur up for lunch, and the few times he had chosen not to come he had at least texted Arthur first.  
  
Arthur quickly typed out a message. | _Are you coming?_ |  
  
After he sent that, he texted Lancelot. | _Have you heard from Merlin today?_ |  
  
_It's probably nothing. He's just taking a nap._  
  
Arthur’s phone buzzed with a reply from Lance. | _No. Why? Is everything alright?_ |  
  
Arthur’s frown deepened. | _I'm sure it's nothing, but he’s stood me up for lunch and won't answer my calls. I'm going to go check on him._ |  
  
Lance took a bit longer to reply, giving Arthur time to pay for his drink and make it to his car. | _He won't answer me either. Let me know if something's up._ |  
  
| _Okay_. |  
  
And then Arthur was unconsciously speeding to his apartment, trying to convince himself that Merlin was fine, he was just overreacting.  
  
_“He’s not….You don't think he’d off himself, do you?”_ _  
_  
“No, but he can be a bit stubborn and might do something Arthur-level stupid."  
  
Arthur-level stupid included disappearing for a few days, drinking too much, and sleeping through a string of people just to avoid going home. Disappearing seemed the likeliest option and that thought only served to send Arthur into a full blown panic.

 

* * *

 

The smell of something having been burnt greeted Arthur as he entered his apartment, instantly flooding him with worry.

"Merlin?!" He called.  
  
Merlin didn't answer.

 _Oh God._ **_Please_ ** _be okay._  
  
Arthur rushed to the kitchen to check if anything was still burning and saw a tray of black cookies sitting on top of the stove. As he rounded the counter he saw Merlin sitting on the floor, half naked with a rag clutched in his right hand.    
  
"Merlin?" Arthur asked cautiously.    
  
Merlin turned his head to look at him and Arthur saw tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Arthur?” He asked, clearly confused. “What are you doing here?"

His voice didn't sound quite right, as if he was slowly coming back into himself after daydreaming.  
  
Arthur rushed to his side, crouching down next to him. "You didn't show up for lunch and weren't answering my calls. _My God,_ Merlin, _what_ did you do to your hand?"  
  
Merlin looked down at his hand as if he had forgotten about it. "Oh. Um, I panicked when I smelled the cookies burning and forgot to grab a mitt.”

Arthur gently took Merlin’s injured hand in his own and lifted the wet rag to inspect the damage. Merlin’s palm was a deep shade of red, but otherwise looked fine.  
  
"It still hurts," Merlin admitted, clutching the rag again.  
  
Arthur took a deep breath. Merlin was okay. He just had a bit of burn, but he was fine.  Arthur could calm down now.

It didn't help much.  
  
"I'll get you an Advil and a bandage to properly wrap your hand. Wait for me in the living room okay?" Arthur waited for Merlin to nod before he left to get what he needed.  
  
It took him a mere thirty seconds to get the Advil, bandage, and a bottle of water.  
  
He handed Merlin the Advil first, then the water before he planted himself on the coffee table and grabbed Merlin’s hand to start wrapping it. "Why were you making cookies in the first place?"  
  
Merlin refused to look at him as he answered. "I - well, I wanted to make you your favorite cookies and tell you how much I appreciate all you've done for me but..."  
  
Arthur’s lips twitched at the thought of Merlin making cookies for him, but now wasn't the time to dwell on it.

 "But?" Arthur prodded when Merlin didn't continue.  
  
"I'm not sure exactly," Merlin admitted. "I was watching TV and laughing one minute and then...I just got really...sad? All of a sudden.”

Merlin shook his head as if to clear it. “I don’t know. My mood it - it - just _dropped_ drastically and so I buried myself under my blankets and I guess I fell asleep."  
  
"And then you smelled the cookies burning, panicked, and pulled them out without a mitt." Arthur filled in.  
  
Merlin nodded and the room fell quiet.  
  
Arthur finished wrapping his hand. "Better?"  
  
"Yeah." Merlin said. "Thanks."  
  
Arthur watched Merlin stare at his hand. He looked so _upset_ with himself and Arthur wished he knew what to say to make him feel better.   
  
Merlin caught him watching and shifted uncomfortably, looking away from Arthur. "I'm sorry,” he muttered.  
  
Arthur frowned. "Sorry? For what?"  
  
"For standing you up, for making you worry, for fucking up the _one thing_ I thought I could _actually_ do," Merlin said in a rush, sounding angry with himself now.  
  
"Merlin." Arthur said softly.    
  
Merlin buried his face in his hands. "I was having such a good day and I don’t know what happened."  
  
Arthur's phone buzzed in his pocket, but he ignored it as he transferred over to the couch. "Merlin, look at me."  
  
Merlin didn't.  
  
"Merlin, _please_ ," Arthur pleaded softly.  
  
Merlin hesitated, but gave in after a moment, teary eyes meeting Arthur’s.  
  
"I don't care that you stood me up, or that you burned the cookies because I get it, okay? Your brain just decided to let you down.  It happens,” Arthur said, taking Merlin’s uninjured hand in his. “The _only_ thing that matters to me is that you’re safe and mostly unharmed."  
  
Merlin sniffled as he studied Arthur’s face.  
  
Arthur just stared back, hoping Merlin found whatever he was looking for.  
  
He must have because suddenly Arthur was being pulled into a very tight hug.  
  
Arthur hugged him back just as tight, pressing his hands in between Merlin's shoulder blades.   
  
"You've got a good heart, Arthur. I'm glad to have met you," Merlin murmured, burying his face against the side of Arthur's neck.  
  
Arthur smiled to himself. "I'm glad to have met you too, Merlin. Even if you do eat all my cheerios."  
  
Merlin didn't laugh exactly, it was more of a breathless noise, but it sounded close enough to think he had said the right thing. It took awhile before Merlin finally pulled away, but Arthur didn't mind, it helped him fully come down from the panic he'd felt earlier  
  
Merlin wiped at his eyes. "I'm sorry. I feel like I'm always breaking down on you."  
  
Arthur put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder and squeezed. "Merlin, please _stop_ apologizing to me. I'm not some heartless bastard. I understand and I don't think any less of you for it, okay?"  
  
Merlin gave him a watery smile. "Okay."  
  
Arthur’s phone buzzed in his pocket and after deciding Merlin wouldn't mind, he answered it. "Hello?"  
  
"Are you coming back to work?" Elena asked. "Uther was just here and he didn't look pleased when I told him you went for a late lunch."  
  
Arthur frowned at the mention of Uther. "Did he say what he wanted?"  
  
He saw Merlin wipe his nose on his arm and he made a face.

"No, but he said to let him know the moment you were back,” Elena informed him. “So are you coming or not?"  
  
Normally, Arthur wouldn't hesitate to get back to work, but leaving Merlin now felt wrong. He saw Merlin flex his burned hand and wince.  
  
"No. I'm taking the rest of the day off," Arthur decided.  
  
Merlin looked at him curiously.  
  
Elena didn't respond.  
  
Arthur furrowed his brow. "Elena?"  
  
"Y - you're _really_ taking a half day?" She asked, clearly surprised.  
  
"Yes," Arthur said. "Tell my father I won't be returning and he can schedule a meeting for tomorrow if he needs me."  
  
"Uh - um - yeah - okay," stammered Elena. "I'll see you tomorrow then."  
  
Arthur hung up and shot Lance a quick text. | _Everything's fine._ |  
  
Arthur pocketed his phone and looked to Merlin. "If you were going to meet me for lunch, why aren't you wearing a shirt?"  
  
Merlin blushed. "I was going to change and I got distracted by the TV."  
  
Arthur shook his head. "Of course you did."  
  
Merlin looked around, but didn't seem to find what he was looking for. "I have no idea where the shirt I had went."  
  
Arthur helped him search, and found it behind the couch. He tossed it at Merlin, smiling at Merlin’s noise of surprise when it landed on his head.  
  
"Are you hungry?" Arthur asked.  
  
"No, but I have feeling you’re going to feed me anyway," Merlin said as he took the shirt off his face.  
  
"Actually, I'm going to make you cook with me," Arthur corrected him.  
  
"I just burned a dozen cookies and you want me to cook with you?" Merlin asked in surprise.  
  
Arthur nodded, offering his hand to Merlin. "Well, you're not allowed near the stove _obviously_ , but you can help me prep."  
  
Merlin took his hand and let himself be pulled to his feet.  
  
"I'll clean up the cookie disaster." Arthur said.  
  
Merlin nodded. "I'll be there in a minute."  
  
Arthur went to the kitchen and quickly disposed of the black cookies. He couldn't help the small smile on his face this time at the thought that Merlin had tried to make him his favorite cookies.

After he cleaned up the mess Merlin had left everywhere, he gathered all the ingredients they would need for dinner.  
  
Merlin finally joined him just as he finished washing his hands.  
  
"Wash up," Arthur told him.  
  
Merlin went over to the sink. "What are we making?"  
  
"Salt and pepper chicken over rice." Arthur said as he grabbed two cutting boards.  
  
"Sounds delicious," Merlin said.  
  
Arthur put the peppers by the cutting board he intended for Merlin to use, then started cutting up the onions. After telling Merlin how he needed the peppers to be cut, they fell silent.  
  
Merlin's mood seemed to drop again when they moved on to dicing the chicken, so Arthur suggested he take a nap when he was done. He was surprised when instead, Merlin grabbed his kindle and started reading on the floor next to the stove.  
  
"Why don't you read out loud?" Suggested Arthur as he set the chicken to cook.  
  
And so Merlin read _Bloody Crown,_ one of Arthur’s favorites from The Mikaelsons series to him as he made their dinner.

Reading seemed to slowly improve Merlin's mood again, as did asking Arthur questions about what suggestions he made.  
  
They ate lunch, then washed dishes in companionable silence.  
  
"Want to watch a movie?" Suggested Arthur after all the dishes were put away.  
  
Merlin nodded.  
  
They went to the living room and settled on the couch, Merlin choosing to sit as close to possible as Arthur.

Arthur chose some Disney movie, thinking Merlin could use something with a happy ending right now.  
  
About halfway through the movie, Merlin laid down, settling his head in Arthur’s lap. Arthur didn't mind. Merlin was having a rough day and Arthur was willing to provide any comfort he needed.  
  
Arthur caught himself playing with Merlin's hair after a while and stopped, apology on the tip of his tongue, but then he noticed Merlin was fast asleep.  
  
Merlin looked so peaceful when he slept, temporarily free of his grief - of his heartbreak.

Arthur started running his fingers through Merlin’s hair again, hoping it would still give him some comfort as he slept.

 

* * *

 

Merlin woke up to the feeling of Arthur playing with his hair. It felt so nice that he almost fell back asleep, but then Arthur stopped, letting out a soft sigh.  
  
"I wish you always looked this peaceful," Arthur whispered.  
  
Merlin didn't respond.  
  
"And I really wish I knew how to help you better." Arthur added.  
  
Merlin thought he was doing just fine, wanted to tell Arthur so, but the words stuck in his throat when Arthur continued on, "Still, I'll always be here for you, even if I don't know the right thing to say, or do. I'll try, cos you're my friend and I just want you to be okay, Merlin."  
  
Apparently Merlin _wasn't_ done crying for the day as he had thought.  
  
Merlin sniffled, hot tears pricking his eyes.  
  
"M - Merlin?" Arthur asked, sounding panicked.  
  
Merlin rolled onto his back and looked up at Arthur who looked just as panicked as he sounded.  
  
"I - I thought you were asleep! I didn't mean to make you cry! Please stop!" Arthur said and Merlin would have laughed if he wasn't already crying.  
  
Merlin covered his eyes with his arm, not letting himself make a lot of noise, but he knew Arthur knew he was crying. A few minutes passed before Merlin was able to stop, and move his arm away.  
  
Arthur was still looking down at him so Merlin smiled up at him, trying to let him know he was okay.  
  
"Come here," Arthur said gently, opening his arms wide.  
  
Merlin looked at him curiously.  
  
"I know you want a hug. You always do post-cry." Arthur said. "So come here."  
  
Merlin blinked up at him at first, then laughed breathlessly as he sat up and hugged the other man, feeling a lot better than he had earlier.  
  
Arthur started rubbing soothing circles into his back almost immediately.  
  
"You give the best hugs." Merlin hadn't meant to say it, but apparently his filter was broken.  
  
"I do?" Arthur asked.  
  
Merlin nodded against him. "Warm. Firm. Reassuring."  
  
Arthur chuckled. "I guess that's at least one thing I know I can always do for you."  
  
Merlin grinned, and pulled away from Arthur as a thought struck him.  
  
"What?" Arthur asked, when Merlin had been staring at him too long. "Do I have something on my face?"  
  
Merlin shook his head. "You called me your friend."  
  
Arthur suddenly looked unsure. "Well, you _are,_  aren't you?"  
  
" _Of course._  I just...I want you to know that I'm really grateful for all you've done for me, Arthur." Merlin told him earnestly.    
  
Arthur opened his mouth to respond, but Merlin covered his mouth with his hand. "And don't try to say you haven't done much, because you have. It wasn't that long ago that I hardly spoke, and while I'm still not quite as chatty as I used to be, Gwen and Gwaine have stopped counting my words. I shower more often, and I don’t wake up to a plethora of texts every morning from the others because they know you’re taking care of me."  
  
"And I know you think you could do better, but you’re doing fine, okay? You deal with my moods as they come and manage to pull me out of them most of the time. Like today."  
  
"But I made you cry," Arthur mumbled against his hand.  
  
"I always cry," Merlin pointed out. "It doesn't take much."  
  
He felt Arthur smile against his palm and removed his hand. "My point is, Arthur, you don’t have to take care of me the way you do, but I appreciate it."  
  
"I just - “ Arthur struggled to find something to say to that and finally settled on, “What are friends for?"  
  
Merlin hugged him again, feeling a little recklessly happy at the moment. It wouldn't last, he could feel the shitty feelings underneath this temporary happiness, and knew his mood was likely to crash again.

Today was not his day, his brain had already decided that, but for now he'd enjoy this brief reprieve.  
  
"I want food." Merlin said.  
  
"Anything in particular?" Arthur asked, not seeming bothered by the sudden subject change.  
  
"Chinese?" Merlin suggested, pulling away from him.  
  
"That's fine with me." Arthur said.  
  
"Do we have any Doritos?"  
  
"No, but we have Ruffles in the cabinet." Arthur informed him.  
  
Merlin jumped up, buzzing with emotion, and a desire to stuff his face.  He noticed the time on the oven as he reached for the cupboard and quickly counted in his head.  
  
"I was asleep for almost five hours?" Merlin questioned aloud. That explained why he felt so rested.  
  
"Yes. And I've really had to piss for two" Arthur said as he passed by the kitchen on his way to the bathroom. "I was half tempted to push you onto the floor, but I wasn't sure if you’d glare at me or look at me like a kicked puppy. Neither one seemed great considering the day you've had."  
  
Merlin shook his head, a soft smile on his face.

_Oh, Arthur._

 

* * *

 

Arthur searched for another movie to watch, ridiculously tired, but unwilling to let Merlin fall asleep before him. He didn't want to wake up and find him curled up on the kitchen table again.  
  
He had just passed the Aristocats when Merlin suddenly grabbed Arthur's hand with his injured one and squeezed. Arthur went back to hover over the movie and Merlin stopped squeezing his hand, but didn't let go.

They had probably passed this movie several times before, yet Merlin had never reacted to it like this.

Arthur looked at him curiously, waiting for him to explain what was wrong.

"That's Freya's favorite movie," said Merlin. "She loved anything to do with cats." 

_Oh._

Merlin continued to stare at the TV.

"You never really talk about her," Arthur pointed out quietly.  

"I know." Merlin said, just as quietly.    
  
Arthur ran his thumb over the back of Merlin's hand. "You don't have to now, but talking about William and your Mother seems to have done you some good."  
  
Merlin looked down at their hands. He didn't say anything for a minute, then, "I'm probably going to need one of those hugs after."  
  
"Well I have plenty of them to give," Arthur said.  
  
He saw Merlin's lips twitch before he spoke,"I met Freya when I was sixteen. We had science together and we sat next to each other everyday and we ended up becoming friends. She was my best friend after Will and the three of us did everything together."  
  
Arthur listened as Merlin told him stories of the three of them and their teenage hijinks, continuing to run his thumb soothingly over the back of Merlin's hand as he did. Merlin would occasionally squeeze his hand when his voice started to sound a little choked up, but otherwise he didn't falter in his storytelling.  
  
Eventually, Merlin got to the part Arthur suspected he had been putting off.  
  
"A few weeks after Percy and I broke up, I took a spontaneous trip to London because I missed my friends - and my mum -  who agreed to meet me there so we could all be together, "Merlin said. "I was only there for four days, but things with Freya - well they felt different. I felt drawn to her in a way I hadn't before and we had our first kiss."  
  
"And then you started dating?" Arthur guessed.  
  
"A month after actually. When she came to visit me in New York," Merlin told him. "We couldn't afford to constantly fly back and forth, so most of our relationship was long distance, but we made it work. We'd been together for a little over two years when the car accident happened."  
  
Merlin went quiet and silence fell over the room until he finally spoke again, voice tight,"I don't think I told you before, but it was a drunk driver - a teenager. She didn't make it either."  
  
Merlin squeezed his hand and Arthur returned the pressure. He heard Merlin swallow and clear his throat before continuing, "And I know it's terrible to say, but I was so _angry_ at her for taking them away that for a moment, I was actually glad she hadn't survived. I was glad because not only had she torn away my future, but hers too. I was glad because she didn't get a second chance just like _them_ ."  
  
While Merlin had seemed to be getting riled up, he suddenly deflated, going quiet for a beat.

Arthur understood why when he kept going.

"But then,” Merlin said,”her father came up to me outside the hospital and he _apologized._ I wanted to lay in to him at first because it was _too_ much. I was hurting and I wanted everyone else to hurt too, especially _him_ for not teaching his daughter better.”

“Then I finally looked into his eyes and I saw all the pain, all the grief, all the heartbreak I felt mirrored back at me and I realized he had lost someone he loved _too_. And he apologized again and it was so _heartfelt,_  so _sincere_ , so _pleading_ , that all my anger, at least the part of it that wanted to lash out, drained away.”

“I didn't accept his apology, but I hugged him, and then we both just broke down crying. I don't know how long we sat there, just holding each other as we let it all out, but I eventually told him I was sorry about his daughter. He apologized again, and then he left. I didn't see him again."  
  
Arthur felt like It might be _his_ turn to cry now, but he won't because right now is about supporting Merlin. He cleared his throat and asked, "Are you still angry at her?"  
  
Merlin didn't respond at first, seeming to mull over the question. Eventually he said, "Sometimes. Mostly, thinking of her - Lisa Taylor was her name - only makes me sad. She was only sixteen. She hadn't meant any harm. She hadn't even gotten the chance to really learn independence. She hadn't really gotten to begin her life. But at the same time, I don’t think I can ever truly forgive her for all the damage she caused. I just _can't_."  
  
Merlin’s voice broke on the word ‘can't’ and he buried his face against Arthur’s shoulder.  
  
Arthur used his free hand to stroke Merlin's head. "I'm so sorry, Merlin,” he whispered.  
  
Merlin only pressed against his shoulder harder so Arthur didn't say anything else. The room was uncomfortably quiet, but Arthur knew it had to be Merlin who finally broke it.  
  
A question popped into Arthur’s head a while later as he processed everything Merlin had ever told him about Freya, but he wasn't sure if he should ask it.

Of course that's when Merlin finally decided to look up at him.  
  
"What?" Merlin asked, his voice sounding strained. His eyes were red and Arthur could see the tear trails down Merlin's cheeks.  
  
It made Arthur ache to know he could cry so quietly.  
  
"It's nothing," Arthur said dismissively.    
  
"Then why do you look like you’re just _itching_ to say something?" Merlin prodded.  
  
"I just - I have a question, but I don't want to upset you," Arthur admitted.  
  
Merlin wiped at his eyes with his free hand. "I'm already crying so I don't see the harm in just asking. I doubt anything you say could affect me as much as everything I've told you so far."  
  
Arthur still hesitated, but Merlin squeezed his hand and nodded at him encouragingly. "It's just, you were struggling to pay for school and your apartment while you were dating Freya, so how did you get such a gorgeous ring?"

It wasn't the question he originally had in mind, but it was one he’d been sitting on for awhile now. It seemed more tasteful than asking  ' _when did you know Freya was the one?'_ anyhow _._  
  
Merlin seemed a little relieved by the question. "Do you remember how I told you Lance and I get couple massages?"  
  
Arthur nodded, slightly confused as to what that had to do with anything.   
  
"Well the masseuse I mentioned? I saved his life. His name is Daegal and I pushed him out of the way of a moving car just a few days after my twenty first birthday." Merlin explained.  
  
Arthur raised his eyebrows in surprise.

  _What?_

"And he's been half in love with me since," Merlin continued, "but when I mentioned wanting to propose to my girlfriend, he told me if I went to his uncle's shop and told him who I was, I could find a ring for real cheap. And I did."  
  
Arthur stared at him in amazement. "You've lived quite an interesting life, haven't you Merlin?"  
  
Merlin smiled at him weakly. "Well _one_ of us had to."  
  
Arthur couldn't say he was surprised by the turn to teasing. Merlin seemed to do it when he felt embarrassed by the emotions pouring out of him. Well they both liked to turn to humor really.   
  
Arthur tugged roughly on Merlin's right ear.  
  
Merlin ducked away from him. "Hey!"  
  
Arthur grinned at him, and Merlin offered another weak smile, a hint of amusement shining past the fresh wave of tears filling his eyes.  
  
"Can I have my hug now?" Merlin asked, sounding choked up once more.  
  
Arthur nodded and twisted a bit in his seat. Merlin let go of his hand then he crashed into Arthur, and Arthur could tell this hug was more desperate than the others they'd shared as he wrapped his arms around Merlin.  
  
Merlin started crying again, but this time Arthur could hear it - the soft little gasps, the sniffling - and he could feel it, could feel Merlin shaking in his arms.  
  
He _hated_ it.  
  
He wished Merlin wasn't hurting like this, wished he could so something to take the pain away, to take his grief, his depression - all the shitty feelings he had, but he knew couldn't so he simply rubbed Merlin's back as he let it all out.  
  
Arthur didn't let go of Merlin until he heard him lightly snoring in his ear. It probably would have made him laugh in any other scenario, but right now it only made him feel relieved.  
  
At least Merlin had escaped his overwhelming emotions for now.

 

* * *

 

Merlin was vaguely aware of being carried and opened his eyes only to see golden skin. "Arthur?"  
  
"Just taking you to your room," Arthur said quietly.  
  
Merlin buried his face in Arthur’s neck, already starting to drift back into sleep. The scent of Irish Spring filled Merlin’s nostrils. "You smell nice," he mumbled.   
  
"Mhm." Hummed Arthur.  
  
"You always do."  
  
"Well, I am in the habit of showering everyday." Arthur said, his words accompanied by a soft thud as he kicked Merlin’s door open.  
  
"Mm. Is that cos you’re too posh to smell anything less than perfect?"  
  
Arthur gently set Merlin on the bed before he responded. "Maybe. Or maybe I just like being clean."  
  
Merlin snuggled into his pillow, feeling elated at being in his soft bed. "I do too, but sometimes I just can't bother."  
  
Arthur manoeuvred Merlin’s legs so he could get at the comforter. "I know. It's alright."  
  
"Hm."  
  
Arthur pulled the blanket over Merlin, effectively tucking him in. "I hope tomorrow is a better day for you, Merlin."  
  
Merlin wanted to respond, but he couldn't get his mouth to move anymore, so he made a noise in the back of his throat.  
  
He was fast asleep by the time Arthur shut his door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think so far!
> 
> The next chapter might be awhile, so I apologize in advance!
> 
> Also I wrote a merthur Christmas ficlet titled "Mistletoe Menace' if you’re interested!


	9. Oh No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said it might be awhile, but I reordered the chapters back to how I had them originally, and so here you go! 
> 
> I hope you like this!

Arthur was answering his emails when Merlin walked into his office, not even bothering to knock on his door. He never did, not even the first time he had come to retrieve Arthur for lunch.   
  
"Still have no manners I see," Arthur teased.  
  
Merlin grinned at him cheekily as he sat in the chair across from Arthur.  
  
"I need to answer an email and then we'll head out," Arthur said.  
  
Merlin nodded, adjusting in his seat to get more comfortable. "Did you get more submissions to sift through?"  
  
Arthur shook his head. "I forgot.”

"And yet you're always complaining that you have nothing to do anymore.” Merlin teased.   
  
Arthur pulled out his badge from the inside of the desk and handed it to Merlin. "Go get some for me?"

" _Please?_ " He added sweetly when he noticed how reluctant Merlin looked.   
  
Merlin sighed and stood up. " _Where_ do I go exactly?"  
  
"Third floor, ask for Wesely. I'll him you’re coming." Arthur said with a pleased smile.   
  
Merlin furrowed his brow. "Isn't Wesley the one you - "  
  
"Yes," Arthur cut in.  
  
"Did you ever apologise to him?" Merlin asked.  
  
"No but - "  
  
"Arthur, you scared the poor man!" Merlin said. "The least you could do is say you’re sorry."  
  
Arthur frowned. "But Wesley seems to have forgiven me?"  
  
"Because you're his Boss! He probably thinks you'll fire him if he brings it up," Merlin pointed out.  
  
Arthur felt guilty as he remembered the tears in Wesley's eyes a few weeks back.   "I - I'll apologize."  
  
Merlin nodded at him.  "Good. _I_ know you're a big softie, but you have a reputation for being a bit of an arse around here."  
  
Arthur’s eyebrows shot up. "I do?"  
  
"Yes," Merlin said. "Apparently you're very demanding and rude."  
  
Arthur stared at Merlin for second, then said, "I am _not!_ "  
  
"According to all the gossip I've heard in the elevator the past few weeks you _are_ ," Merlin told him with a shrug.  
  
Arthur huffed. "Just because your ears are unnaturally big doesn't mean you should believe everything they hear."  
  
Merlin chuckled. "A bit defensive are we?"  
  
Arthur glared at him. "Would you just hurry and get the submissions so we can go to lunch? You'll need to swipe my badge to get in."  
  
Merlin nodded once, a smug grin on his face as he left the office.

Merlin seemed to have been doing a lot better since the cookie incident. He seemed to have a bit more energy and just generally seemed to be in good mood. Not to say he didn't still curl up in his depression cocoon, or didn't still have his mood drops, but he did seem lighter than before, and Arthur hadn't found him sleeping on the table lately. 

Arthur immediately called Wesley to tell him about Merlin, inserting a sincere apology for yelling at him, and then hung up.  
  
He frowned down at his office phone a moment then shouted, "Elena!'  
  
Elena appeared in the doorway ten seconds later. "Yeah?"  
  
"Am I demanding and rude?" Arthur asked, looking up at her.  
  
Elena froze at first, then she slowly backed away saying, "Oh look at that! I'm running late to meet Gwaine!"  
  
"ELENA!" Arthur shouted after her as she scurried away.   
  
But she was already gone and he was forced to stew on it as he typed up the rest of his email. 

"Demanding and rude," he muttered to himself. " _Unbelievable_."

 

* * *

  
  
  
Merlin walked out of the submissions office and smack into someone, dropping the armful of envelopes he had grabbed. "Sorry!"  
  
"You should watch where you’re going," Said an authoritative voice.  
  
Merlin frowned and looked up to see an older gentlemen towering above him. "Sorry," he repeated a bit louder.  
  
"Hurry and pick this all up. You're blocking the door." The man said.  
  
"It might be faster if you helped rather than just stand there like an ass and watch,"Merlin muttered as he started picking up the envelopes.  
  
"What was that?" The man prodded.  
  
Merlin sighed. "Nothing."  
  
"That's what I thought." He said. "If you ever speak to me like that again I will have you sacked."  
  
"I don't work here, so I think I can speak to you however I see fit," Merlin said defiantly.   
  
_What am I doing?_  
  
The older man looked furious. " _Wesley_!"  
  
Wesley, a man Merlin had only met a mere five minutes ago, appeared out of nowhere. "Sir?"  
  
"Do you just let riff raff off the streets walk in here and look through our submissions?" Demanded the man.   
  
"Of course not, sir! Your son told me to let him in." Wesley explained.  
  
Merlin felt panic shoot through him. _Oh my god. I've just pissed off Uther Pendragon!_  
  
" _Arthur_ let this tramp into - wait, you're that _Merlin_ he told me about, aren't you?" Uther asked, displeasure clear on his face.  
  
"I am," Merlin said, trying not to let his panic show.  
  
Uther turned on his heel immediately and made towards the elevator. Merlin took off after him, just knowing he was going to have a word with Arthur about this. He just hoped he could warn him first.

Uther tried to close the doors on him, but Merlin managed to squeeze in, much to the other man's irritation.   
  
Uther didn't acknowledge his presence again the whole ride up which only served to unnerve Merlin. As soon as the doors opened, Merlin booked it across the room and tripped into Arthur’s office, the submissions spilling out on to the floor in front of him.   
  
"Are you in _that_ big of a hurry to eat?" Arthur asked, amused.  
  
"Uther's coming. I'm sorry," Merlin said in rush before he ran out of breath and slumped to the floor.   
  
_God I'm really out of shape._  
  
Confusion spread across Arthur’s face. "What - "  
  
" _Arthur_." Uther greeted coldly.  
  
Merlin saw Arthur's entire demeanor change in an instant. "Father," he said, tone void of emotion.  
  
"I would like to have a word with you," Uther said calmly.   
  
"I'm listening," Arthur said.  
  
Uther looked pointedly at Merlin, who forced himself to stand up. "In _private_."  
  
Arthur didn't look away from his father. "Anything you have to say, you can say in front of Merlin."  
  
Merlin didn't even have to look at Uther to know he wasn't pleased by that.   
  
"Arthur, it is unprofessional to let your..."Uther searched for the right word and landed on, " _roommate_ have access to our private submissions."  
  
"He was simply retrieving them for me." Arthur said.  
  
"That's what Elena is for." Uther pointed out.  
  
"I let her leave early for lunch and I had some business to attend to," Arthur explained. "Besides, it's not as if I would actually let him read them."  
  
Merlin tried not to react to the blatant lie or the words that followed when Uther swept his gaze over him in distaste.  
  
"I would _never_ let someone outside of the company read our submissions. I'm not half as daft as you seem to think I am." Arthur said.  
  
Uther's gaze snapped to Arthur at that last part. "I don't doubt your intelligence, Arthur."  
  
"You'll forgive me if I don't believe you," Arthur's tone was calm, but the anger in it was unmistakable.  
  
"I only worry how you seem to let your heart rule you," Uther said earnestly.  
  
Merlin frowned at that. Arthur was good, and kind, but he didn't let his heart rule him. No, if anything ruled Arthur, that privilege went to Uther.  
  
Uther rounded on Merlin, making him realize he had said that out loud. "Shut it you! My son may have took you in out of pity, but don't you _dare_ presume to speak for him! You're nothing, but an insolent little _leech_ bleeding him dry! I know your game!"  
  
Arthur suddenly appeared in between them. "How _dare_ you speak to him that way! He’s my friend and if all you're going to do is continue to insult him then you can just get out _now_. Before I _make_ you."  
  
Uther turned red, fury etched into his features. "I can see he already has you wrapped around his little finger. You would never speak to me this way if he wasn't whispering sweet nothings in your ear!"  
  
"Get out," Arthur said, sounding so unnaturally calm that he scared Merlin just a little.  
  
Uther just stared at his son, searching his expression for something, then he tried to look at Merlin, but Arthur stepped in his way, repeating, " _Get_ _out_."  
  
"I better not catch him in the submissions room again," Uther said angrily before storming out of the room.  
  
Arthur turned to Merlin, and he waited for the blonde to explode, but Arthur simply bent down to pick up the submissions.  
  
"I'm sorry," Merlin blurted.  
  
Arthur didn't respond immediately, making Merlin anxious as they quietly picked up the envelopes.    
  
"I'm starting to think you know me better than I do," Arthur said softly.  
  
"What do you mean?" Merlin asked, confused.  
  
Arthur sighed and sat on the floor, leaning back against the wall nearest them, letting the thick envelopes fall into his lap.  "You’re right. I let my father control me more than I ought to. I let him yell at me, force me into situations I hate, and I work so hard for him that at some point I just accepted that love may never be a part of my life because I didn't have the time for it."

"Then he goes and gives me time, but I _hate_ it!" Arthur exclaimed. "I'm addicted to this work and the only reason I haven't gone mad without my usual workload is because of _you_."

Arthur quieted after that confession, looking down at his hands miserably. 

Merlin moved over to sit next to Arthur. "You know what I think?" He asked gently.   
  
"That I'm an idiot?" Arthur guessed, not looking at him.  
  
Merlin held out his hand in front of Arthur, and Arthur didn't even hesitate to take it. He ignored Arthur’s guess completely when he spoke, "I think you've spent your whole life trying to please a man who will never be satisfied by anything you do. I think you've only ever defied him when it came to someone else or there was something about yourself you couldn't change - like your sexuality. I think -"

"I let him send me on blind dates and those are only ever with women," Arthur interrupted. 

"Yes, but you didn't hide your interest in men even though you could have," Merlin pointed out. 

Arthur hummed, conceding the point - for now at least. 

"I think - " Merlin thought a moment about what he wanted to say then continued with, "I think you're starting to realize how much you resent his influence over you because you finally have the time to and it makes you angry and miserable."

Arthur squeezed his hand, but still wouldn't look at him. " _See_? You know me better than I do," he said softly. "I hadn't even thought of that."  
  
"I don't know about _that_ , but what I _do_ know, is that you will do anything for your friends," Merlin said."I know that you love your work. I know you love your family. I know you try to make my favorite foods as often as you can. I know you like Gwaine more than you'll ever admit. I know you can be stubborn."  
  
"I know you tease me for enjoying Glee, but you secretly love all the covers. I know you take care of me the best you can. I know you put a book on depression and another about grief on your Amazon wishlist. I know how much you care about others. I know how _good_ you are. And I know how grateful I am that I've gotten the chance to know you - to become your friend."  
  
Arthur's head fell onto his shoulder, his face buried in Merlin's shirt, his hand squeezing Merlin's again. Merlin knew Arthur was crying when he heard him sniffling and felt his shirt dampen where he was pressed against Merlin.

Neither of them moved for the longest time.  
  
They garnered some curious looks from passersby, but no one disturbed them.  
  
Eventually, Arthur spoke, his voice rough, "Thank you, Merlin."  
  
Merlin rubbed his thumb gently over the back of Arthur’s hand. "I'm always here for you Arthur, as I know you will always be here for me."  
  
Arthur looked up at him, and Merlin smiled at him reassuringly.   
  
It took Arthur a solid ten seconds to smile back, but it was still a smile.  
  
Merlin’s stomach chose that exact moment to growl obscenely loud.   
  
Arthur straightened, and wiped at the tears on his face with his free hand, laughing."Why don't we pick up something to eat and go home? I think I'll take the rest of the day off."  
  
"Sure," Merlin said, grinning.   
  
Arthur let go of his hand and they both stood up. "And I expect you to tell me _exactly_ what you did to piss off my father."  
  
Merlin grimaced, but nodded.  
  
Arthur quickly gathered all his things and scribbled out a note to Elena, then they were off.  
  
Merlin was a bit surprised when Arthur grabbed his hand in the elevator, but didn't protest. Arthur had never protested Merlin’s need for closeness when he was having a rough day after all.

 

* * *

  
  
  
Arthur couldn't seem to stop touching Merlin the rest of the day. He found himself reaching for his hand, or sitting too close or ruffling his hair way too often. Merlin didn't seem to care, but it worried Arthur when he realized it.

Especially when he caught himself staring at Merlin's lips a few different times.   
  
_I'm not...I'm not getting a crush on Merlin, am I?_  
  
Arthur looked down at Merlin, who had his head in his lap and studied his profile. Merlin had dark brown hair that was short now since Arthur had sent him to get a haircut the week before, long, thick eyelashes, blue eyes, a mostly straight nose, _amazing_ cheekbones, and full, slightly chapped, lips. 

_He's quite attractive, isn't he?_

It wasn't as if Arthur hadn't noticed, but he’d gotten so used to seeing Merlin walking around half naked that he kind of just stopped registering how gorgeous he was after awhile. 

His gaze lingered on Merlin's lips and he briefly wondered how they would feel against his own. Arthur shook his head to dispel that line of thinking. 

_Oh no._

Merlin turned slightly to look up at him just then, and smiled at him sleepily before turning away to watch TV again.   
  
Arthur smiled and started running his fingers through Merlin’s hair automatically, knowing the other man would end up falling asleep within minutes because of how nice it felt.  He paused when he realized what he was doing.

Sure, it was hardly the first time he had ever done it, but that was part of the problem. Ever since Merlin had burned the cookies almost two weeks prior, Arthur had done this everyday without thinking twice about it. In fact, they had grown more casual about touching each other affectionately in general since then.   
  
Merlin nudged his fingers and he started moving them again. Merlin fell asleep as predicted while Arthur kept trying to suss out his feelings.  
  
_"I'm addicted to this work and the only reason I haven't gone mad without my usual workload is because of you."_  
  
Arthur frowned. He had meant that wholeheartedly - still did - but now it seemed to hold an underlying meaning. One that made sense to him when he put a few things into perspective.  
  
Like how he looked forward to coming home to Merlin, even if Merlin was having one of his bad days. How his own day seemed to get much better when he was around Merlin, no matter how shitty it had been. How he always sat unnecessarily close to Merlin. How much they touched each other on any given day. How much he liked hearing Merlin laugh. How terribly panicked he had been when he thought something bad had happened to Merin. 

Arthur considered his other friendships, the way the others made him feel, if it was the same as the way Merlin typically made him feel, and that helped him a bit. It wasn't quite the same as with his other friends, but it was similar enough.   
  
_He’s my friend._ _Things are just a little intense sometimes and I'_ _m just confused. That's all. There's no way I have a crush on Merlin._

But something felt off about his denial, and all he could seem to do was replay his entire friendship with Merlin in his head, trying to find an inkling of when he might have developed this potential crush. 

He thinks maybe the night they spent in the living room after dinner with Percy and Leon, but he isn't quite sure. All he _does_ know is that he's uncertain if he feels something more for the man snoring softly on his lap. 

Arthur’s phone buzzed from where it sat on the armrest and he was forced to stop evaluating his feelings.  
  
It was a group text from Elena. | _The Rising Sun at 8?_ |  
  
Arthur waited until Gwen, Lance and Leon confirmed before he responded. | _Sure._ |  
  
| _Force Merlin out too!_ | Elena texted,  
  
There was still an hour before they needed to leave, but Arthur wanted some time to himself.  
  
He gently shook Merlin to wake him up.  
  
Merlin opened one eye. "What? "  
  
"We're meeting the others at 8," Arthur said. "I need to shower and get ready."  
  
Merlin flipped around so his face was towards Arthur’s stomach and he nuzzled into it. "You smell fine. Let me sleep," Merlin mumbled.  
  
Arthur didn't appreciate this new position. Or rather, he didn't appreciate how his body was hyper aware of the contact. "I'll push you off if I have to," he threatened.  
  
Merlin loosely wrapped his arms around Arthur’s waist and moved impossibly closer into Arthur's stomach, a puff of hot air hitting the exposed sliver of skin from where his shirt was hiked up by Merlin's movements.   
  
Arthur silently cursed Merlin before he pried him off his waist and pushed him off his lap, feeling only a little guilty when he heard the soft thud of Merlin hitting the floor.  
  
"Clotpole," Merlin grumbled as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.  
  
" _Clotpole_? What happened to all the nice things you had to say about me earlier?" Arthur asked, feigning offense.  
  
Merlin, in turn, feigned ignorance. "I'm afraid I don't recall."  
  
Arthur grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it at Merlin's head.  
  
Merlin skillfully dodged it, grinning at Arthur playfully.  
  
Arthur pouted, but he felt nothing except for a rush of affection for the other man.   
  
_Oh no._

 

* * *

  
  
Arthur couldn't seem to stop staring at Merlin, who was currently sitting in Percy's lap for some unknown reason as he helped him fix some problem with his phone. The others were fortunately all too busy teasing Gwaine about his impending fatherhood to notice.  
  
"Is there a reason you're staring at Merlin?"  
  
Well, accept for Leon apparently.  
  
Arthur forced himself to look away from Merlin. "I'm not staring," he lied before taking a sip of his beer.  
  
"So there is a reason," Leon said, obviously not fooled.  
  
Arthur shrugged. "I'm just used to checking on his moods. I can usually tell how he is just by watching him."  
  
While that was true, it wasn't why he couldn't stop staring, but it wasn't like he was going to admit to something that probably meant nothing in the long run.  
  
Leon nodded. "And how's his mood now?'  
  
Arthur glanced at over at Merlin, then looked to Leon. "He's content."  
  
Leon seemed satisfied with his answer and started ranting about how Percy wanted to a get a dog, but he wanted to get cat. He expressed how betrayed he felt when Arthur said they should get a dog by pouting, actually pouting.  
  
"I'm sorry, but cats aren't as affectionate as dogs. They're stuck up, only want affection on their terms, and they throw a fit if you don’t pay attention to them." Arthur said.  
  
"I think you’re describing yourself actually."  
  
Arthur's attention snapped to Merlin who had reclaimed his seat next to him at some point.  
  
Leon laughed. "He _actually_ is!"

Okay, so maybe Arthur wasn't _always_ the most affectionate person and maybe the gossip Merlin had heard in the elevator wasn't _that_ far fetched, but he still didn't like the comparison.   
  
Arthur shot a glare at his best friend, then turned it to Merlin. "I'm nothing like a cat! If anyone's like one of those _creatures_ it's _you_!"  
  
"How so?" Merlin questioned.   
  
"You sleep all day, wake up mostly just to eat, fall asleep on my lap constantly,  like to have your head scratched, and you hiss at me if I disturb your space." Arthur answered.  
  
Merlin, surprisingly, conceded to his point. "All very true."  
  
Arthur just nodded once, not sure what to say as he had expected Merlin to keep arguing. 

"You know, Arthur,  I suppose you're more like a dog, specifically a pit bull - mean looking on the outside, but sweet and lovable on the inside." Merlin teased.  
  
Arthur spluttered. Sure, Merlin had said mushier things to him earlier that day, but now Arthur was sharply aware of his budding feelings for the other man and that changed things.  
  
Gwen laughed, making Arthur realize that all their friends were now paying attention to this conversation instead of Gwaine.   
  
Arthur blushed and blurted, "Well you're more like a sloth - _ugly and lazy_!"

 _What is wrong with me?_  
  
Merlin gaped at him a beat, and then he burst out laughing, the others laughing along with him.   
  
Arthur took a long drink of his beer to calm himself. It wasn't as effective as the friendly nudge Merlin gave him with his elbow.  
  
Merlin scooted right up to his side a few minutes later when everyone was distracted by one of Percy's work stories.  
  
"Can I help you?" Arthur asked.  
  
"I need to get out." Merlin said, gesturing to the restroom with his eyes.   
  
Arthur nodded, then nudged Leon, gesturing for him to get up. He was completely unprepared for the table to go silent once Merlin was off and Arthur had taken his seat again.  
  
"What?" Arthur asked, looking around at his friends.   
  
Gwaine cocked his eyebrow. "Scratch his head, do you?"  
  
Arthur refused to be embarrassed by _Gwaine_ of all people. "It helps him sleep when he's having a bad day."  
  
Elena unsubtly elbowed Gwaine. "Ignore him. How are _you_ doing? Word around the office was you had a fight with your father and then you were sitting on the floor of your office with your face buried against Merlin for nearly thirty minutes."  
  
Arthur sighed heavily and chugged the last of his beer, hoping that would be answer enough.  
  
"Thought so," Elena said.  
  
"What happened?" Gwen asked gently.

Arthur stared down at his empty glass as he relayed what happened with Uther.   
  
"And after he left?" Lance prodded.  
  
"I had a talk with Merlin." Arthur said.  
  
He felt them stare at him expectantly, but he wasn't going to elaborate on that.  
  
Leon put a hand on his shoulder. "Next round's on me."  
  
Arthur smiled weakly.  
  
"Oh no," Merlin said as he walked up. "He was fine when I left. What did you lot do to him?"  
  
A genuine smile overtook his last attempt at one as the others were quick to come to their defense.  
  
"That's better," Merlin said, looking pleased and not even acknowledging the rest of them.  
  
It was little things like that that made Arthur understand why Merlin was the one their friends went to most when they were stressed. He seemed to be able to read people, to really listen to them, and assess what they needed in a matter of seconds.  
  
Arthur stood up after Leon left with Gwen to get another round to let Merlin reclaim his seat. He tensed when Merlin stepped too close to him and leaned forward, thinking for a split second he was going to kiss him. 

He didn't of course, but that didn't stop his stomach from fluttering at the thought.   
  
"It's okay if you want to get drunk. I'll make sure you get home safe," Merlin whispered in his ear.  
  
Merlin leaned back to look him in the eyes and there was that sweep of affection again.   
  
Arthur nodded, then Merlin finally slid into the booth, and he followed after, sitting closer than he had been before.  
  
Leon and Gwen came back with a new drink for everyone, before leaving again and coming back with a second line of shots. It _was_ Friday after all.  
  
Arthur stared at his shot. He had taken the first one eagerly, but now he had to make a clear decision on how drunk he wanted to be. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Merlin take a sip of his coke.  
  
He reached into his jeans pocket and handed his keys to Merlin.  
  
Merlin nodded and stuffed the keys into the pocket of his hoodie without a word.  
  
Arthur took the shot.

 

* * *

  
  
Merlin ordered a drunken Arthur, Gwaine, Lance, Percy and Gwen to go find a seat.  
  
"They're like a bunch of drunken toddlers," Leon said, shaking his head at Gwaine as he stumbled into a table, sending Lance and Percy into a fit of giggles.  
  
"Hopefully, they'll fall asleep as soon as they're fed and tucked in," Elena said.  
  
The five of them had gotten much drunker than intended, and now it was up to Merlin, Elena, and Leon, who was only tipsy, to make sure they got home safely. They had already lost the battle of Burger King, which had gone as followed,  
  
" _I'm hungry!" Arthur shouted._  
  
_"Me too."_  
  
_"Yeah!"_  
  
_"Feed me!"_  
  
_"Look there's a Burger King!" Gwen squealed in delight._  
  
_And then they took off._  
  
_"Where the hell are they going?" Elena asked, interrupting Leon who was dividing up who was responsible for who._  
  
_"Oh no." Leon said, rubbing his tired face. "Those drunk bastards are hungry."_  
  
They had quickly decided that they weren't going to convince five drunks not to eat after a collective insistence - by the drunks - that they had to eat or they were going to starve to death and - the not drunks - accepted their fate. Specifically because Gwen burst out crying and Gwaine held onto the door handle for dear life when Leon tried to usher them away.   
  
Leon was designated to order for Percy and Gwen,  Elena had Gwaine and Lance covered so Merlin was left to order for himself and Arthur, who had given him his card earlier in the night so he couldn't keep insisting on buying the next round.  
  
Arthur came up behind him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "I want one of those sugary coffees you insist on."  
  
"Still pretending you don't like them?" Merlin asked.  
  
Arthur giggled. "You always see right through me."  
  
Merlin smiled at him, amused. "I do. And it's too late for coffee I'm afraid."  
  
Arthur pouted. "But I _want_ one."  
  
"And I'm saying you can't have one," Merlin said, feeling very much like a scolding parent.  
  
"But Merlin, I _need_ one!" Arthur insisted.   
  
Merlin shook his head. "No. You _need_ to eat and go to sleep."

Arthur huffed. "Can I at least have have a milkshake?"   
  
Merlin looked at the menu for a moment then said, "You can have an ice cream cone."  
  
Arthur nodded, looking satisfied enough by the compromise. He leaned heavily on Merlin.   
  
After a minute, Merlin grabbed a crown off the counter in front of them and stuck it on Arthur's head.  
  
"I am _the_ Burger King!" Arthur proclaimed, immediately falling into an uncontrollable fit of giggles at his own antics.  
  
Merlin rolled his eyes. "A royal _prat_ is what you are."  
  
Arthur looked at him, clearly offended. "I am your _King_! You can't speak to me like that!"  
  
Merlin grabbed a crown and put it on his head. "I'm a King too, and I can speak to you however I want, Your Majesty."  
  
Arthur didn't seem put off by this development at all. He grabbed Merlin's hand and held it high over his head. "You will be my Consort. We will rule this kingdom together!"  
  
Merlin rolled his eyes and took his hand back, shoving Arthur away from the counter. "Go wait at the table, My Lord."  
  
Arthur bowed. "Anything for my Consort."

Merlin just dipped his head and then Arthur was off and it was Merlin’s turn to order. 

_He’s so different when he's drunk, but not in a bad way - thankfully._

Between the three of them, they managed to get everyone's drinks sorted. All of them - the sober ones that is - were relieved the Burger King was empty save for an old man sitting in the corner.  
  
Arthur patted the seat next to him as he guzzled his tea, but Merlin shook his head. "I'm going to wait until we get the food sorted."  
  
Arthur looked a little put out for some reason, so Merlin said, "A consort always makes sure their King is well fed."  
  
Arthur giggled at that and looked instantly pleased. His tone was as serious as he could manage as he drunkenly stated, "I knew I ma -AGHK - "He hiccuped, "made a good choice."  
  
"I was the _only_ choice," Merlin pointed out.  
  
Arthur shrugged, hiccuping before saying, "Was still," another hiccup, "a good one."  
  
One by one the orders were called out, and after the chaos of sorting through the food, Merlin sat next to Arthur who seemed oddly pleased and slotted himself right against Merlin's side.

"He’s a bit of a cuddly drunk sometimes," Leon explained on Arthur’s behalf. 

Arthur protested that statement even as he pressed impossibly closer to Merlin. 

Merlin chuckled. He urged Arthur to eat his food, promising to get his ice cream cone once it was all gone. 

It was quite a loud and messy affair to get everyone fed, especially when things fell out of their burgers and all they did was laugh instead of hurrying to clean it up. Still, they managed not to get themselves thrown out so that was something at least.

Arthur was a little more handsy than normal, but Merlin didn't think anything of it because Arthur had been touching him a lot since that morning - even more than normal. He chalked it up to a combination of him being an affectionate drunk and still needing comfort.

Though, it was a little irritating when he decided to use Merlin as a human crutch when they made it back to the apartment. He ended up swatting the stupid crown off Arthur’s head in the kitchen because he couldn't take it poking his cheek anymore and unceremoniously dumped Arthur on his bed as soon as they were close enough. 

Arthur groaned and crawled up his bed. 

Merlin pulled off his shoes once he stopped moving, then wrestled the blankets out from under Arthur and tucked him in. Arthur grabbed his hand and murmured something akin to _thank you,_ then let him go. 

Merlin smiled at him a moment, then left. Instead of going to his room, he went to the living room to relax for a few minutes before he went to take a shower, but sleep claimed him almost the moment he shut his eyes. 

 

* * *

  
  
Arthur woke up at seven the next morning - according to his alarm clock - needing to pee so bad it hurt and he quickly rushed to his bathroom. The rush of movement made him feel ill, but there was no time to waste.  
  
After relieving himself, he decided to check on Merlin and get himself a bottle of water. He found Merlin in the living room, laying fully clothed, shoes still on, and drool all over his face.  
  
_Disgusting._  
  
Arthur went to Merlin’s room to grab a blanket, then went and gently laid it over him. He carefully took off the other man's shoes, setting them gently on the floor before he snuck into the kitchen and grabbed a water.  
  
Nausea started to make him sweat, but Arthur couldn't help looking at Merlin again. None of the confusing feelings from the day before arose as he watched Merlin shift in his sleep. He went back to his room after a minute, not wanting Merlin to wake up and catch him staring.  
  
Arthur drank half of his water before he finally allowed himself to crawl back under his covers. He had apparently woken up enough for him to start overthinking about Merlin again and try as he might, he couldn't shove the thoughts away.  
  
Roughly twenty minutes passed and Arthur came to a confident conclusion.    
  
_I don't have feelings for Merlin. I was just really vulnerable yesterday. That's all. He’s my friend so of course I care about him and of course he makes me happy._  
  
Feeling certain he had sorted out that whole mess, Arthur was finally able to fall back asleep.  
  
And then he woke up later that day to see a bottle of Advil next to his bottle of water with a sticky note attached to it that said _For His Majesty_ and that rush of affection returned, accompanied by a dopey grin he couldn't seem to help

_Oh no._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, how terrible...
> 
> Anyways, please let me know what you thought of this! 
> 
> As always, I don’t know when the next chapter will be up, but I'll try not to take too long!


	10. Aithusa

Merlin was on his way home from having lunch with Arthur, trying to decide if he wanted to nap in his room or on the couch when he heard it. 

A soft little noise, almost swallowed by the sounds of the city. 

He looked around, hearing it again, and spotted a big cardboard box set on the curb just a little farther ahead of him. Merlin walked over to investigate, his heart melting as he found a little white kitten in the box, mewing pathetically and trying to find a way out. 

Merlin crouched down. "Hey there little one," he cooed, petting the kitten gently. 

The kitten let out another little cry and turned to him, it's blue eyes meeting Merlin’s. "What are you doing out here?"

The kitten cried out and tried to climb out of the box, but it's claws couldn't find purchase on the cardboard. 

Merlin picked the kitten up and clutched it to his chest. He turned the box to inspect it and saw  _Free Kittens_  writtenin big block letters across the front. 

The kitten sniffed at Merlin, his shirt, his palm, his fingers. "I can't just leave you here, can I?" Merlin asked it uselessly. 

The kitten let out another cry, as if in response to his question. 

"But I don't know how Arthur will react if I bring you home." Merlin said, petting it. "He doesn't like cats."

The kitten started purring and arching into his touch. 

Merlin smiled. "Well, _maybe_ I can convince him to let you stay until I can find you a home."

Merlin stopped petting the kitten long enough to confirm he had Arthur’s debit card. "Why don't we stop and get you some food?" 

The kitten licked his hand and he smiled at it. 

He checked for it's gender and discovered it was a boy. 

"Think you'll like our posh apartment, little one?" Merlin asked him. "It's much nicer than that box, I promise."

The little guy just started digging his claws into Merlin’s chest, meowing until he started petting him again. 

Merlin went to the nearest store and bought a few cans of cat food, hiding the kitten in the pocket of his hoodie while he did. He hurried home, eager to get some food in the tiny creature.

 

* * *

 

Merlin crouched down next to the kitten, watching it eat. 

"How long has it been since you've eaten?" Merlin asked. 

The kitten just continued eating instead of answering - as if he could. 

Merlin's phone rang and he saw the kitten cower at the unexpected noise. He answered it quickly to cut off the sound. "Hello?"

"Hey," greeted Percy. "Are you busy?"

"Um, no, what's up?" Merlin asked. 

"Nothing, just wanted to talk," Percy said. "I'm on break and figured I'd call you."

And so Merlin chatted with Percy for a bit, picking up the kitten after it ate and placing him on the bed before getting on himself. He watched the kitten sniff around his bed curiously for a bit then wander over to Merlin and climb into his lap. 

The kitten was fast asleep by the time Percy finally hung up. Merlin set his phone on the table after putting it on vibrate and smiled down at the little bundle of cuteness. He lightly stroked his side and the kitten stretched out in response.  

"I should probably give you a temporary name until I figure out what to do with you," Merlin said. "I don't want to just refer to you as _little one_ while you’re here."

Merlin had already thought some about what he was going to do with the kitten, but his only idea had been to give him to Leon and Percy, however, they were in the process of adopting both a kitten and a puppy so that was a bust. He didn't know anyone who'd be willing to take him and he wasn't sure he could give the kitten to a stranger without worrying about him all the time. 

"I think I'll call you - " Merlin thought for a moment, trying to find the perfect name, "I think I'll call you _Aithusa_."  

Aithusa just purred as Merlin scratched behind his ears.

"Now, how should I tell Arthur about you?"

As if the mention of his name summoned him, Merlin's phone buzzed with a text from Arthur. 

| _I'm bored. Entertain me._ |

Merlin took a brief moment to think of how to respond then sent back | _Have I been downgraded from Consort to Court Jester then?_ |

Arthur responded back immediately. |  _If that's what it takes to make you save me from my boredom._ |

Merlin smiled. | _You know, it's barely been an hour since I saw you. I don't think you’re bored I just think you miss me._ |

Arthur’s response took a little longer to come. | _Don't be ridiculous, Merlin. A sugar daddy simply expects something in return for free reign with his debit card. Like an endless supply of entertainment._ |

Merlin rolled his eyes then looked down at Aithusa. "You know, he likes calling himself my sugar daddy way too much. I'm starting to think it might actually be a kink of his."

Aithusa, of course, didn't care or respond. 

| _Bringing up the sugar daddy thing. You must really miss me._ | Merlin teased. 

"You're not scared to be around people, huh?" Merlin asked Aithusa, scratching under his chin until his phone vibrated again. 

| _Do not_. | Arthur had texted. 

| _Do too_. | Merlin texted back. 

| _Do not._ | Arthur insisted. 

| _Do too._ | Merlin insisted. 

| _What, are we five years old?_ | Arthur texted. It was followed almost immediately by, | _And fine. Maybe a little. Happy?_ |

| _Maybe a little :)_ | Merlin said. 

| _You are insufferable_. | Arthur told him. 

| _And you're a prat._ | Merlin shot back. 

| _What are you up to?_ | Arthur asked. 

"What do you think, Aithusa? Should I tell him about you now or wait until he gets home?"  Merlin asked. 

Aithusa was fast asleep and absolutely no help. 

| _Just watching The Magicians._ | Merlin lied. 

| _Again?_ |

That simple question sparked up quite the argument about their respective tastes in TV shows until Arthur eventually got back to work. He still hadn't decided what to with the kitten by the time Arthur came home. 

 

* * *

 

Arthur walked into his apartment and was immediately concerned by how quiet it was. "Merlin?" He called, walking into the living room to find it empty. 

He heard a loud bang from Merlin's room, but before he could investigate, Merlin walked out of his room, shutting the door behind him. "Arthur, hey," Merlin greeted. 

Arthur eyed him suspiciously. "What are you doing in your room?"

"Nothing," Merlin answered too quickly. 

"Nothing?" Arthur repeated. 

"Can't I just spend time in my own room?"  Merlin questioned. 

"Yes, but you _never_ do," Arthur pointed out. 

A flash of panic in Merlin's eyes told him he was hiding something and Arthur moved towards his room, but he'd barely taken a step before Merlin blocked his way. 

"I - um - I have your Christmas present in there." Merlin said, obviously lying. 

Arthur frowned. "It's barely the end of August."

"I know, but, uh, when I saw it, I knew I had to get it for you," Merlin told him. 

"And you can't just give it to me _now_?" Arthur questioned. "Or on my birthday?"

Merlin shook his head. "I want to wait."

Arthur didn't believe him, but he wasn't going to push. "Right. Well, I'm going to make dinner. Do you want to help me?"

Merlin looked over his shoulder at his bedroom door, biting his lip in contemplation before turning back to Arthur. "Sure, just let me put on a shirt."

"But -" 

Merlin quickly slipped into his room and shut the door in his face. 

"You're already wearing one," Arthur said to Merlin's door. 

_What was that about?_

Arthur frowned again, and went to the kitchen to get started on dinner. 

Merlin joined him eventually, and he was acting very odd for awhile. Arthur tried to press, but Merlin deflected easily. 

Thankfully, by the time they'd started eating Merlin was acting more like himself, and they settled into how they usually were.

Well, maybe Arthur's heart stuttered when Merlin suddenly reached over and wiped off Alfredo sauce on the corner of his mouth with his thumb. And maybe it made him turn a bit pink and threw him off for the rest of dinner. 

Ever since he'd brought up the idea of having feelings for Merlin, he didn't seem to know how to act around him sometimes and he _hated_ it. It didn't help that he and Merlin still touched each other just as much as before, which led to moments like now when he became incredibly flustered or had to fight off his urge to blush at the causal affection.

He wasn't always successful. 

Arthur had told himself this stupid little crush wouldn't get in the way of their friendship. It would go away eventually.

Maybe.

He became less sure everyday. 

The only reason why he wasn't keen on falling for Merlin was because it was a bit hopeless at this point in time. Merlin was still strugging to recover and the last thing he needed was Arthur pining over him - which he’d probably clue in on at some point since he seemed to read Arthur like an open book. 

After dinner Arthur suggested they watch a movie, but Merlin declined. He was mildly disappointed since Merlin never turned him down, but he just shrugged and decided to play a game instead when Merlin went to his room. 

_I'm sure he'll tell me what's going on eventually._

 

* * *

 

Merlin couldn't pinpoint exactly when or why he had decided to hide Aithusa from Arthur, but he had. He'd managed to keep Aithusa a secret for an entire week before he finally decided to come clean to Arthur, who had almost caught him several times and had pointed out how weird Merlin had been acting since day one.

He couldn't take the stress of hiding the kitten anymore, so he came up with a plan - a plan that involved him making one of his mother's favorite pie recipes to soften Arthur up first.

He'd grabbed the debit card Arthur was prone to leave him in case he needed anything during the day and went to the grocery store. Afterwards, he dropped the groceries at home, made sure Aithusa was fine, then met Arthur for lunch. 

"What do you think?" Arthur asked after they'd read the first ten pages of a new submission. 

"It's _awful_ ," Merlin said. 

Arthur paused, then asked, "Do you want to finish it later tonight?" 

Merlin grinned as he said,  " _Absolutely_."

Arthur matched his grin. 

Their food came just then and Arthur quickly put away the manuscript. 

Merlin looked down at his plate as it was set in front of him and frowned. Suddenly the grilled salmon didn't look appealing, especially when he saw Arthur’s steak. 

"Something wrong?" Arthur asked when he noticed Merlin eyeing his steak. 

Merlin shook his head and cut into his salmon. He took a bite and frowned once more. It was delicious, but he wasn't in the mood for it. He looked at Arthur’s steak longingly. 

Unexpectedly, the bite Arthur had just finished cutting off was being offered to him. 

"Is _this_ what you want?" Arthur asked. 

Merlin grinned sheepishly. "Yeah. I'm sorry. I thought I wanted the salmon." 

Arthur shrugged. "It's fine. We can split our meals so nothing goes to waste. Now open up."

"Are you sure?" Merlin asked before doing as instructed. 

He made one of those pornographic moans Arthur was always complaining about, but it was worth the looks he got from some of the ether patrons when he noticed Arthur blushing - something he seemed to have been doing a lot lately. 

"I'm sure," Arthur said in an odd tone as he took his fork back. 

Arthur cut his steak in half, while Merlin did the same to his salmon and then they did a quick exchange. Merlin was able to appreciate the salmon once he finished his half of Arthur’s steak. 

"So, are you finally going to tell me why you've been acting so strange lately?" Arthur asked while they waited for their dessert. 

Merlin swallowed his tea and cleared his throat. "Yes, actually, I was planning to tell you today, but not until later, okay?"

Arthur nodded. "Okay. It's nothing bad is it?"

Merlin shook his head. "No, though I don't know how you'll react."

Arthur frowned. 

Merlin decided to change the topic while simultaneously making sure his plan wouldn't be torn to pieces instantly. "How do you feel about pie? I don't remember if you've told me before."

Arthur seemed surprised by the question, but shrugged and said, "I prefer cake, but I won't say no to a slice of apple or buttermilk."

Merlin tried not smile at his stroke of luck. "What about Shepards pie?"

Arthur shook his head. "I prefer my pies to be a dessert, not a meal."

"Well, that's no fun," Merlin said. "I take it you've never had an Oggie then?"

"No," Arthur said. "What is it?" 

"It's like a cornish pasty, except it's filled with lamb and leeks with a fluffier crust," Merlin explained. "They're actuality pretty decent, though Mum had her own recipe for them and all the others I've tried have paled in comparison to hers."

The sharp sting Merlin had briefly felt in his chest when he’d picked up the memorized ingredients returned. It seemed that while he could talk of Freya and Will a lot easier now, it was still too hard to talk of his mother - even in passing - if he hadn't already mentioned the other two. 

Arthur hummed. "Well maybe you can make them sometime?" He suggested 

Merlin forced a smile. "Yeah. Maybe."

Arthur, of course, could tell his smile was fake and reached over to squeeze his hand. "Are you all right, Merlin?" Arthur asked quietly.

Merlin flipped his hand over and squeezed back. "Yeah. I'm fine. It's just - "Merlin sighed, "I can't seem to stop thinking of my Mum today."

"Do you wanna talk about her?" Arthur asked. 

Merlin shook his head. "I'm not a fan of crying in public."

Arthur nodded. "Okay. I'll get our dessert to go and I'll drop you off at home."

Merlin smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "Okay." 

 

* * *

 

After his mother had passed, Merlin had gone with Lancelot to sort through her things. He had given everything without sentimental value to goodwill, but he'd kept things such as her favorite jewelry, her favorite recipes and all her photo albums. She hadn't owned their house so it was put in the hands of the bank. 

All he had left of Hunith now was a large box. 

Freya and Will's parents had let him sort through their things too. He had taken two boxes of Will's things, but only two items of Freya's that he stuffed in one of Will's - a necklace she always wore and a photo of her, Merlin, Hunith and Will she always kept by her bedside. 

All of their things were tucked away in his room, and while he had taken to wearing Will's clothes, he mostly left everything else alone. 

He found the recipe he was looking for and quickly shut the bottom drawer of his dresser so he didn't give in to the urge to look through the photo albums next to the small box of recipes. 

Aithusa followed him to the kitchen, trying his best to keep up and Merlin smiled. 

"Do you want to help?" He asked, looking down at the kitten. 

Aithusa let out a meow and Merlin set the index card on the counter. 

"Yeah?" Merlin swooped down to pick up the kitten and kissed the top of his head. "Well, I don't think Arthur would appreciate eating your fur, so I think I'll take this one."

Aithusa purred as Merlin scratched behind his ears. He gave the kitten one last kiss before setting him on the ground. 

Merlin washed his hands and got to work. He wasn't much of a baker - well he could bake, he just didn't usually bother - but he had made this exact recipe enough times with his mother that he was confident it would turn out just fine, or at least better than the cookies. 

As he worked on the crust, his mind drifted to the first time he made this recipe with his mom. 

He'd been sixteen and had had a really nasty break up with his boyfriend and Hunith was making pie for a bake sale for his footie team so they could afford new uniforms. She'd insisted baking would be cathartic and assigned him to make the crust. 

He'd ruined his first attempt, forgetting to add the sugar and only remembering after he’d started to roll the dough and saw the unopened bag of sugar. Hunith had only laughed when he’d told her and told him it was okay, 

She'd thrown away the useless dough and let him try again. He'd put all distractions from his head so it didn't happen again and his second attempt came out perfectly. After that, he got lost in making four more crusts while his mother was at another counter making the fillings, singing along softly to the radio. 

Eventually, his mother showed him how to make the top layer of the crust, showing him how to make intricate designs of them. She'd teased him about his shaky hands, but helped steadied them so he could play around with the design in his head. She let go when he started to get the hang of it. 

He'd just made it look like a soccer ball, but he'd been really proud of himself. 

Hunith had admired his handy work after putting the other crusts in the pans and asked him to do it to the rest of them while she filled the pies, pinching his cheeks and making him flush. 

Once the pies had been put in the oven, Hunith made him dance with her, and even though he'd felt a bit silly dancing with his mom in the kitchen to _Walking After Midnight_ by Patsy Cline, he’d been happier than he’d felt in days. They danced through a number of other songs, laughing and teasing each other about their respective moves until the pies were done. She hadn't mentioned the break up once and he’d been grateful. 

Something coiled tight in Merlin's chest at the memory of that night, but he forced himself to keep working. He wasn't going to breakdown over a _pie_ of all things. 

He supressed the urge to cry, but his chest still felt tight. 

It didn't ease even when he’d finally stuck the apple pie in the oven as more memories of his mother fought for his attention, but he refused to dwell on them.

He called Lancelot who had been at home sick the past two days. Lance kept him distracted for awhile, telling him of the latest fight between Elyan and Gwen, the gross things coming out of him, how much he missed being able to breathe and a lot of other random things. 

Merlin listened, and responded appropriately, but he could tell Lance knew something was up, though his best friend just ploughed on and when he ran out of things to talk about he started describing the cooking show he was watching. 

Merlin could tell Lance was just filling the silence and waiting for Merlin to tell him what was wrong, but he couldn't get the words out for at least an hour - long after he’d set the pie on the counter to cool. At some point he had sat on the floor and Aithusa had curled up in his lap and fallen asleep. 

"I made one of Mum's recipes today," Merlin said in between a sneeze and a rough sounding cough from Lance. 

Lance sniffled and cleared his throat before he spoke, "I take it things didn't go so smoothly?"

"The pie came out fine," Merlin said, being purposely obtuse as he started stroking Aithusa. 

Lance had to cough again. "That's not what I meant."

"I know," Merlin admitted. 

Lance paused then asked, "Do you need me to come over?"

Merlin's lips twitched in amusement. "No. You sound like you’re dying and I don't want to risk you getting worse or catching your cold." 

Lance sniffled. "Right. Probably not the best idea. Is there anything you need?"

Merlin couldn't come up with an easy fix for this or even something to ease the pain. "Just - stay on the phone? Just for a little longer - " Merlin looked up at the time on the oven, "- just until Gwaine goes on break then I'll let you rest."

"I can do that. And if you want, we can all jump into a three way call," Lance said. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep anytime soon anyway."

Merlin nodded, then realised Lance couldn't see him. "Thank you," he said. 

"You know I love you right?" Lance asked. "You know I'm always here for you when you need me?"

Merlin swallowed. "Yeah. I love you too, Lance."

"Good," Lance said. "So now the idiot who forgot the rainbow chard has been chopped - "

Merlin stayed on the floor, absently petting Aithusa as he listened to Lance describe Chopped in between sneezing and coughing and exclaims of disgust at what came out of him. Eventually, Merlin added Gwaine to the call, his friend dominating the call, talking about his day so far and his asshat of a boss and his frustrations over his current project. 

The tightness in his chest didn't fully dissipate, but it eased enough for Merlin to start contributing more to the conversation. He spoke mostly of Arthur as he tended to since the most interesting parts of his day revolved around him. 

He ended up blurting out, "I've been harbouring a kitten in my room all week," after he’d run out of things to say and Aithusa had stretched in his sleep, drawing his attention.

"What?" They both asked at the same time. 

"His name is Aithusa," Merlin said. 

There was a pause as they absorbed the information. 

Gwaine laughed. "Mate, Arthur hates cats."

"How did you manage to hide him?" Lance questioned. 

"It wasn't easy. Arthur almost caught me a few times and he's noticed I've been acting weird," Merlin answered. 

Lance sneezed then asked, "How much longer are you going to keep it from him?" 

"I'm going to tell him when he comes home today," Merlin said. 

"Is that why you made the pie?" Lance guessed. 

"Yeah."

"Hoping to soften him up, _eh_?" Gwaine asked. "I don't know if you've noticed, but he's already quite soft around you mate. Any softer and he’d be putty."

Merlin was confused. "What?"

"So you haven't then," Gwaine said in lieu of answering. 

"He just means its unlikely Arthur will react badly. He'll probably even let you keep it," Lance told him. 

Merlin bit his lip, worrying it with his teeth. "Do you really think so?" 

"Yes," Lance said at the same time Gwaine said, "Of course."

Gwaine had to hang up since he was being called back to work, but Lance stayed on for a bit, asking about Aithusa and for Merlin to send him some pictures. Lance hung up only when it was time to take his medicine, but not before telling Merlin to let him know how Arthur reacted to Aithusa. 

Merlin picked up Aithusa, then stood up and took the little guy to his room, placing him in the makeshift bed he’d made - a small pillow from his old apartment -  and then went to the kitchen to clean.

 

* * *

 

At first, Merlin was surprised when Arthur came home early, but then he realized he was likely worried about Merlin after lunch and he was hit with a rush of affection. 

  _Oh, Arthur,_ he’d thought, unaware of the big smile on his face until Arthur wandered into the kitchen.

"What's got you so happy?" Arthur asked, smiling too. 

"Oh, nothing," Merlin said dismissively. "I made you something."

Arthur looked at him curiously. "Yeah? What'd you make?"

"Go sit at the table and I'll bring it to you," Merlin told him. 

Arthur did as instructed while Merlin cut him a slice of the pie. 

"Are you trying to butter me up for whatever you have to tell me?" Arthur asked lightly. 

Merlin smiled.  "Maybe."

Arthur seemed amused by his response. 

Merlin plated two slices, grabbed two forks then made his way over to the table, setting the plates down once he reached it. 

Arthur took the fork Merlin offered him. "Apple pie, huh?" 

"Yup." Merlin said as he sat down. "Try it," he urged.

Arthur did and when Merlin took a bite of his own slice he was pleased to discover it was still a bit warm in the middle. 

"Wow," Arthur said. "This is delicious."

Merlin beamed. "I'm glad you like it."

"Where'd you learn to make this?" Arthur asked, taking another bite. 

"My mum," Merlin said. "I used her recipe."

"Oh." Arthur seemed to realize something. "Well she really knew what she was doing."

Merlin smiled. "Yeah, she was quite handy in the kitchen. She even got me to help more and more as I got older - though I'm not quite as good as she was."

"Did she bake often?" Arthur asked. 

Merlin nodded. "Whenever she could. I think it was her stress relief."

"Was there anything in particular she always made?" Arthur asked curiously between bites of his pie. 

"Well, she really loved to make cinnamon rolls," Merlin said. "They were her favorite thing to make because they could substitute for breakfast and she could have a lie in."

Arthur sighed contentedly after another bite, then asked, "And what was _your_ favorite?" 

"Her banana pudding cake," Merlin said, a bit dreamily as he pictured it in his mind. "It was so moist and it tasted like heaven." 

Arthur didn't ask anymore questions, he didn't need to.

Merlin found himself chattering about the time he’d successfully made the cake with minimal help from his mum. The tight coil in his chest started to dissipate as he talked so he kept going. He told Arthur about the many things he'd made with Hunith, about all the times he’d failed and all the times he’d succeeded with various recipes.

It was like a dam had burst - albeit not the one he’d been expecting - but it alleviated the pressure in his chest all the same as he offered more stories about him and his mother baking. 

Merlin didn't realize he was crying until Arthur reached forward after he’d described his victory with making fudge and swiped a tear off his cheek with his thumb. His vision suddenly became blurry. 

"Oh," Merlin said, feeling embarrassed and wiping at his eyes. "Sorry."

"What'd I tell you about apologizing?" Arthur reminded him gently, a soft smile on his face. 

Merlin smiled back. "Do you want another slice?" 

Arthur shook his head, patting his stomach. "I think I've already spoiled my dinner enough."

At some point during his trip down memory lane, Merlin had slid over his own slice of pie after noticing Arthur looking at it longingly. He'd been too busy talking to enjoy it anyway. 

Arthur's phone rang just then and he answered it without looking at his screen. 

"Hello?" Arthur greeted. 

Merlin picked up their plates and went to put them in the sink while Arthur talked to someone - Uther he assumed by the way Arthur’s demeanor shifted from relaxed to on high alert. He went to the restroom to get his composure back, and when he came back it was to the sight of Arthur standing by the table, looking exasperated. 

"What’s up?" Merlin asked. 

"My father has asked me to meet a client for dinner, and I have to run to the office to familiarize myself with their work," Arthur explained, sighing. 

"Oh," Merlin said, feeling disappointed, "well, I guess I'll see you later then?" 

Arthur nodded and opened his arms wide. "Do you want your post-cry hug now or later?" 

Merlin chuckled. He didn't think he really needed one, but still went over to wrap his arms around Arthur who hugged him back as tight as ever. 

"Make sure you eat an actual meal and not just pie, okay?" Arthur said sternly. 

Merlin rolled his eyes fondly. " _Okay_."

Merlin didn't realize he hadn't mentioned Aithusa until after Arthur was already out the door. 

 _Damn_. 

Merlin put the pie away, then went to his room and curled up next to Aithusa. The little guy woke up and climbed onto his chest. 

"Guess I'll have to tell Arthur about you tomorrow," Merlin said. 

Aithusa just started purring as Merlin pet him. 

He didn't mean to fall asleep, but it was hard not to with the comforting weight of Aithusa on his chest, keeping him pinned in place. 

 

* * *

 

Arthur returned home feeling drained. The important meeting Uther had sent him to had turned out to be a date - much to his annoyance. He had been the perfect gentlemen to Vivian, even when she had actively been rude - something she later admitted to doing only because her father tended to scare everyone away and she was only doing it as a favor to Uther. 

Of course that was only after he'd made a comment about how he was tired of his father setting him up on dates without telling him. 

They'd gotten along quite swimmingly after that and had a fairly nice dinner before they'd agreed to go their separate ways. 

It was the call he'd made to Uther that had made him weary. 

Uther was still under the impression that Merlin was 1) a gold digger and 2 ) shagging all sense out of Arthur. He'd told Arthur that what he needed was a nice woman to make him realize Merlin was holding him back. It didn't make any sense to Arthur, but then again it only had to make sense to Uther. 

He grabbed a Heineken from the fridge, then settled on the couch, wishing he had stayed home with Merlin instead. He looked down the hall and saw Merlin’s door was cracked open, and the lights were on. 

_I wonder what he had to tell me._

Just then he felt something brush up against his leg.  He leaned over so he could see what was touching him. 

It was a kitten. A small white kitten with light blue eyes. 

Arthur stared at it for a full ten seconds before he yelled, " _Merlin_!"

Merlin didn't materialize so he shouted his name much louder this time. 

A few seconds passed then he heard Merlin shout, "Fuck!" which was immediately followed by two loud thuds and a string of more curses. 

The kitten meowed at Arthur, but he just stared at it. 

Merlin sprinted in, and out of his periphery, Arthur saw him freeze at the other end of the couch. 

Arthur picked up the kitten and held it in front of his face. "Is _this_ what you wanted to tell me, Merlin?"

That snapped Merlin into walking over to them and explaining himself.  "Yeah, um, I found him on the street last Tuesday and I've been taking care of him ever since."

Arthur looked at Merlin, then let out a put upon sigh. "You've already named him, haven't you?" He asked, already knowing it was too late to tell Merlin to get rid of him by the look in his eyes. 

Merlin nodded, fidgeting. "His name is Aithusa."

" _Aithusa_." Arthur repeated, looking back at the kitten who was still watching him. 

_What a ridiculous name._

He pulled the kitten to his chest so he could pet it.

Aithusa sniffed at him curiously. Neither Arthur nor Merlin said anything as he poked and prodded the kitten who simply meowed at him. He settled on lightly stroking the kitten until he was a purring little ball in Arthur’s hands. 

_It seems I don't really have a choice._

But he found he didn't really mind. A kitten was hardly the worst thing he’d ever been asked to tolerate, and if it made Merlin happy, who was he to take that away from him?

"I guess we've got some shopping to do." Arthur said, breaking the silence that had settled throughout the apartment. 

"We do?" Merlin asked, obviously confused. 

"Well we're hardly equipped to care for a cat," Arthur said, shifting his gaze to Merlin. 

Merlin seemed surprised. "He can stay?"

Arthur nodded. "He can stay."

Merlin stared at him in awe. "You're not mad?"

Arthur smiled reassuringly at him. "I'm not mad. Though I am a little confused as to why you've been keeping this from me."

Merlin sat on the couch next to him. "Well you hate cats and I didn't know how you'd react."

"I don't _hate_ cats," Arthur told him. "I prefer dogs, but I'm willing to make an exception. Just this once though, so don't go collecting every stray you find, all right?"

Merlin’s smile was blinding and all Arthur could think was,  _I'm screwed, aren't I?_

Because he knew that Merlin could probably bring home a hundred strays and Arthur would let him keep each one if it meant he could see that smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PIease let me know what you think of this!
> 
> This next chapter should be up sometime Sunday unless I get impatient and post it early!
> 
> Anyways, you can find me on tumblr @knownasemrys where I occasionally make Merlin/Merthur gifsets.


	11. Tough Love

Merlin opened his eyes to see Arthur staring at him from the chair directly in front of him. He'd spent awhile looking at his mom's Facebook after Arthur had gone to bed, which led to him seeing lots of old pictures and he'd been  _overwhelmed_ with how much he missed her, Will, Freya and the life they'd shared. So of course he’d ended up on the table. 

Merlin covered his face and curled into himself. "I'm fine," he mumbled sleepily.

He wasn't really. He was tired and sad and just wanted to be alone, but he was starting to feel guilty for bothering Arthur with his shitty moods all the time. 

"I need you to get up and shower," Arthur said. "I already have clothes for you in the bathroom."

Merlin frowned, but didn't uncover his face. "Why?"

"You're coming to work with me." Arthur told him. 

Merlin snorted. "No I'm not. I can help you at lunch, but right now I'm going back to sleep."

"I need you to go  _with_  me this morning."

Merlin just curled tighter into himself. 

"I have a surprise for you." Arthur said. 

Merlin turned away from him this time. "Just bring it to me later."

" _Mer_ lin." 

Arthur sounded impassive, but Merlin could be stubborn too. 

"Go away."  Merlin muttered. 

The next thing Merlin knew he was being thrown over Arthur’s right shoulder. 

"What the  _hell_  are you doing?!" Merlin exclaimed, unable to fight back thanks to how thoroughly he had been wrapped in his blankets. 

"I wanted to do this the easy way, but you wanted to be stubborn," Arthur said, making his way to the main bathroom. 

Merlin tried to launch himself off Arthur’s shoulder but the prat was a lot stronger than him and easily stopped him. He saw Aithusa eating at his food dish in the kitchen, unconcerned by the antics of his owners and only sparing Merlin a glance as he licked his lips before diving back in. 

_Traitor._

He knew they'd reached the bathroom when he spotted the familiar black and white tiles.

Merlin huffed as Arthur set him down on the toilet. "Dollophead."

The corners of Arthur’s lips twitched, but he spoke in an overly formal tone as he said, "I expect you to be ready to leave in twenty minutes."

Merlin frowned. "Why are you being so _weird_?" 

Arthur ignored the question. "I'm afraid we'll have to skip breakfast, but we can always take an early lunch."

"What?" 

But Arthur walked off, simply telling Merlin to hurry up as he shut the door. 

Merlin decided to just do as he was told since Arthur wasn't likely to offer up an explanation anytime soon. He threw off his blankets and stood up, taking off his shirt and throwing it in the hamper. 

A flash of what he liked to call Pendragon Red caught his eye as he turned to start the shower. He walked over to the vanity to investigate. 

On the counter next to the sink was a red dress shirt - the Pendragon crest on the pocket in gold - along with a gold tie, black dress pants, a belt, and black dress shoes. 

"I _really_ have to wear this?!" Merlin called.

"Yes!" Arthur called back. 

Merlin frowned, but finished undressing and stepped into the shower.

 

* * *

 

"Okay, _what_ are you up to?" Merlin asked after he was forced to pose for an ID photo. 

"Call Elena once his badge is ready," Arthur told the man who had taken his picture while simultaneously leading Merlin out of the room by his shoulders. 

Arthur led him over to the elevators. "Well, I've decided it's time you started getting out of the house more."

Merlin cocked his eyebrow. "And how does dragging me to work relate to that?"

The elevator doors opened and they both stepped in. "Well, Elena is due soon and I will be left without an assistant for a while."

" _And_?" Merlin prodded.

"And I was hoping you would fill the position." Arthur said. 

"You want to make me your assistant?" Merlin asked in disbelief as he pushed the button for Arthur’s floor. 

"Temporarily." Arthur said.

"I've never worked in an office before," Merlin pointed out.

"Elena will teach you everything you need to know before she leaves."Arthur assured him. 

"Have you considered that maybe I don’t _want_ to do this?" Merlin asked. 

Arthur visibly hesitated. "Yes, but that's why I've brought you here today. Elena will show you everything she does during a typical day and at the end of the day you can decide if you want the position or not."

Merlin hummed. "What if I need more than a day to decide?" 

"I can only wait until Thursday for an answer because Elena  _will_  need to train a temp before she leaves." Arthur explained, looking mildly stressed.

Merlin nodded.

As soon as the elevator doors opened, Arthur hooked his arm through Merlin’s and led them towards his office. 

"I'm not going to run, you know? You don't have to keep manhandling me," said Merlin. 

Arthur just pulled him closer. "I don't know. You look pretty flighty to me," he teased. 

Merlin rolled his eyes fondly. 

Elena squealed excitedly when they reached her desk. "Arthur, isn't that the outfit you wore when you first started here?"

"One and the same." Arthur confirmed.

Elena pinched Merlin’s cheeks. "Look at you all adorable and professional looking. Hell truly must've frozen over."

Merlin ducked away from her hands, glaring at her. 

"It's not like you've always been the poster child of professionalism Mrs I Let Kenny The Copy Guy Do Shots Off Me At The Christmas Party. " Arthur said. 

Elena glared at him. "Shut up, that was _years_ ago!" 

Merlin chuckled, rubbing his tired eyes. 

Arthur let go of his arm and patted his shoulder, catching Merlin’s attention. "I have a meeting with a client I need to get ready for so I'll leave you to it."

Merlin nodded and Arthur squeezed his shoulder before he went to his office.

Elena instructed him to grab the chair in front of her desk and drag it around so he could sit next to her. Once that was done she started explaining what was on her screen. 

"This is Arthur’s schedule for the week, this is his schedule for the month, this is his current client list and how close each of them is to publishing their work, this is my email and this is Arthur’s approved list of people I can put through to him divided into special categories." Elena turned to make sure he was paying attention. 

"You have to keep this on your screen _all_ the time?" Merlin asked. 

Elena nodded. "It's important to be able to look at this information whenever someone calls so you can schedule appointments easily and not accidentally put through someone Arthur is trying to avoid."

Elena went on to explain how to answer the phone properly as well as how to send a call through to Arthur. The phone rang just after she finished demonstrating the complexities of an office phone. 

"See that green light?" She asked.

Merlin nodded. 

"That means the call is from an office extension and you dont have to answer as formally as you would if it was red," Elena told him quickly before answering it. "Hello? Oh Hi, Mark. Yes, I will go down and get it now. Great. Thank you."

Elena hung up. "I have to go get your badge. Think you can man the phone until I get back?"

"I think I can manage." Merlin said. 

Elena stood up and kissed his forehead. "Good luck my young padawan."

Merlin chuckled and watched her as she made her way to the elevators. Once she was gone he looked at the computer, curious about all the information there.

He smiled when he looked at the approved callers list and saw his name in the  _put through immediately_  category along with Leon, Lance, and Gwen. He found Morgana and Percy in a category titled  _Ask Me_ _First._ He laughed when he saw Gwaine in a category of his own called  _Only if I'm bored._

The phone rang, flashing green, suddenly making Merlin feel nervous. "Hello?"

"What are you laughing at?" Arthur asked. 

Merlin instinctively looked to Arthur through the wall of glass that separated them. He wasn't really surprised to see the blonde staring at him. "Why do you have Gwaine in his own special category?"

"Because he likes to chatter incessantly," Arthur said. "He never calls for anything important and I suspect half the time he calls it's just to chat up Elena."

"Well she _is_ his wife." Merlin pointed out. 

"Yes, but he sees her _everyday_. I don’t see why he has to call her at work." Arthur said. "It just distracts her."

Merlin shrugged. "It's not much different from you texting me all day from work and then coming home to me everyday."

"I don’t hog a very important line to text you." Arthur pointed out.

"Maybe not, but you still waste time talking to me instead of working." Merlin countered. 

"But it's not like I've had a lot of work lately so it doesn't matter if I choose to text you instead."

Merlin looked at the computer screen, confirming his statement before he said, "It's not like you get a ton of phone calls anyway."

"That's not the point!" Arthur insisted. 

"Oh, you know you don’t really care," Merlin said, turning to look at him."You love them both, you just want to complain because you’re bored waiting for Jareau to show up." 

Arthur huffed. "And now you've gone and ruined it for me. Thanks."

Merlin chuckled. "You _do_ know all you’re doing right now is hogging this _very_ important line to talk to me like you accuse Elena and Gwaine of doing."

"Is that your way of telling me to get back to work?" Arthur asked. 

"Well _someone_ ought to." Merlin said. "I know you've been watching me. I can feel you staring at me."

"I just wanted to make sure you were settling in all right," Arthur admitted. 

"I'm fine," Merlin assured. "Remember, despite what you've seen I _have_ been a functional human being most of my life. Just do your work and stop hovering."

Arthur sighed. "I'll try to stop."

"Good." Merlin offered him a smile through the glass. 

Arthur smiled back. "Bye for now." 

"Bye," Merlin said, hanging up.

Elena returned a few minutes later with a lanyard that held his badge, and put it over his head. "Miss anything?"

"Not really," Merlin said, studying his badge. 

He had a completely fake smile in his picture, but that was hardly surprising. 

_M. Emrys. Level 8. Assistant to Arthur Pendragon._

"Ready to learn everything else?" Elena asked.

Merlin dropped his badge and straightened in his chair. "As ready as I'll ever be."

 

* * *

 

Arthur leaned back in his chair, feeling accomplished after his meeting with Mrs. Jareau. She had given him two different drafts of her book, and a rough draft of a new series she was thinking of, meaning he would thankfully have more to do. 

He rolled his head to the left so he could look out at Merlin who was listening to Elena attentively at her desk. 

He saw Merlin laugh at something Elena said, and couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. And then he was stuck watching the two of them for awhile, forgetting all about the manuscripts sitting in front of him. 

It was the disastrous phone call with Uther after his date with Vivian that had given him the idea to give Merlin a job. After hearing his father call Merlin a gold digger yet again, Arthur had felt compelled to prove him wrong, and he’d been thinking for quite awhile that Merlin needed to get out of the house more so it just sort of clicked.

At first, he had considered putting Merlin in submissions, but he knew that would only compel him to constantly check up on him. He knew Merlin didn't need him hovering - would hate it in fact - but he also knew he would need Merlin close to give himself some peace of mind. So he’d asked Elena when she was going to be off for maternity leave and proposed his idea to her. She had encouraged him, telling him she thought it was a good idea. 

And so here they were. 

Originally, he wasn't going to give Merlin a choice, but Elena had easily derailed that idea, saying that now that Merlin was obviously doing better, he would likely show Arthur exaclty how _stubborn_ he could be when pushed. 

He really hoped Merlin would take the position - not because he had a problem with Merlin not having a job - but because Arthur thought it was time he started getting back out into the world. Staying inside almost all day every day wasn't doing him any good and he hoped Merlin understood that. 

Arthur cursed himself when he finally realized what he was doing. He checked for any new emails, then stuffed all of Jareau's rough drafts into his messenger bag, intending to grab Merlin and head to lunch.  

He heard a knock on the door and looked up to see Elena. "Yes?"

"You and Merlin are joining Gwaine and I for lunch," Elena said.

"Okay. Where are we going?" Arthur asked, slinging the messenger bag over his body.

"Lachie's." Elena said. "I have to meet Gwaine downstairs, but we'll see you guys there in a bit."

Arthur nodded, and turned to his computer to sign out. When he looked up again, Merlin was in the doorway waiting for him. 

"You seem happy," Merlin observed. "Did the meeting go well?" 

Arthur patted his bag, smiling. "I've got three new drafts to work on."

Merlin smiled back. " _Four_ , actually."

"Four?" Arthur echoed. 

Merlin pulled an orange envelope from behind his back. "It seems Mrs. Rutledge wasn't impressed by Cedric in the slightest and demanded your father make you her editor again."

Arthur stared between Merlin and the envelope incredulously, before he burst into giddy laughter. He walked towards Merlin, taking the envelope and confirming the unbelievably good news for himself. 

Sure enough, the next draft for the Thorn Chronicles was in there along with what looked to be a letter from Mrs. Rutledge.

Arthur hugged Merlin, laughing happily.

"I can't believe this!" Arthur exclaimed. 

"Only _you_ would get so excited at the prospect of more work," Merlin said, patting his back. 

Arthur pulled away from him. "Perks of _actually_ liking my job."

"Or being a workaholic." Merlin teased, reaching over and straightening the collar of Arthur’s shirt. 

Arthur rolled his eyes, but he was grinning. "Come on, let's go eat."

Without thinking about it, Arthur grabbed Merlin’s hand and led him towards the elevators. He blushed when he realized _that_ was why Kelsey had given him a knowing look as she stepped into the elevator too. He let go of Merlin, but all Merlin did was wipe his hand on his pants and retake Arthur’s. 

Arthur's heart stuttered and he had to fight off a grin.

_This stupid crush will never go away at this rate._

* * *

 

"Is this  _really_  what you two do at lunch?" Gwaine asked.

Both Arthur and Merlin looked up from the manuscript in between them to meet Gwaine's gaze. 

"Yes?" Merlin said, except it came out more of a question. 

"What did you think we did?" Arthur asked. 

Gwaine shrugged. "Eat and talk like _normal_ human beings."

"Well _maybe_ if you weren't being all lovey dovey with Elena we would make an exception for once." Arthur sniped. 

It never took much from Gwaine to set Arthur on the defensive, despite their years of friendship. 

Merlin sighed internally before saying, "What Arthur _means_ is we're sorry, we're used to having lunch with just each other and you were so busy fussing over Elena we didn't think you’d mind."

Gwaine looked at Merlin curiously, a hint of amusement in his voice as he asked, "Apologizing on Princess' behalf. Was I right all along, Merlin?" 

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Gwaine. I still have the you-know-whats from you-know-when." 

"Arthur, I feel like we're missing something," Elena said. 

"I think we are," Arthur agreed. "Though, I think I know what the you-know-whats are. Do you know what Gwaine is right about?" 

Elena nodded. "I think I do. Should we share what we know?"

Merlin wasn't sure why, but he panicked and blurted, "July 4th 2013!" just as Gwaine shouted, "The Rollercoaster Incident!"

Elena gasped. " _Merlin_! Don't you _dare_!"

" _Gwaine_!" Arthur exclaimed, clearly distressed.

Everyone shared a cautious look, and then Elena said, "Why don't we all just keep what we know to ourselves?"

Everyone nodded, the tense atmosphere dissipating as their food finally arrived.

Merlin grabbed the manuscript and stuffed it into Arthur’s bag in between them so the waiter could put down his food. His stomach growled loudly at the sight of Arthurs burger, causing Arthur to chuckle. The waiter set down Merlin's grilled chicken sandwich, but it didn't seem quite as appetizing now. 

Merlin stole another glance at Arthur’s plate. The other man noticed and rolled his eyes. 

"Do you want to split it?" Arthur asked. 

Merlin nodded, grinning sheepishly. 

Arthur cut his burger in half, while Merlin cut his sandwich in half. They were both dimly aware of Gwaine and Elena staring at them, but chose to ignore them as they made the exchange. 

Arthur stole the pickle that came with Merlin’s salad and Merlin stole a handful of fries and then they started eating. 

"Do you guys always do that?" Elena asked, sounding amazed. 

Arthur shrugged and without thinking said, "Just since he started leaning towards overeating."

"Overeating?" Gwaine repeated, clearly concerned. 

Merlin felt a little uncomfortable by Gwaine saying it. Arthur was used to it, Arthur didn't make it a big deal, he just made sure to buy healthy snacks and keep Merlin from making himself sick. 

"It's nothing to worry about," Merlin said. 

Gwaine frowned. "But Merlin - "

"Look," Arthur cut in, realizing his mistake,"it's better than him not eating enough and wasting away. Besides, it's not like he eats ungodly amounts of food or anything, just a bit more than normal."

Merlin was grateful Arthur had stepped in because he wasn't in the mood to explain himself. He wasn't sure why he was eating so much, and he didn't want to pick at that thread.

"See? It's not a big deal. Aren't you the one always telling me I need to gain weight?" Merlin immediately took a bite of his half of Arthur’s burger, hoping to further discourage Gwaine from continuing this conversation. 

Gwaine didn't look happy, and Merlin suspected this wasn't the end of this, but Gwaine conceeded for the moment. Or more like Elena spit out her grilled cheese and started crying because apparently it was yet another thing the baby didn't want her to eat. 

Arthur and Merlin quietly ate their food while Gwaine calmed her down and offered up his chicken strips. Eventually, everyone settled and lunch picked up from there. 

 

* * *

 

Merlin watched Arthur as he looked over a manuscript. Elena had already showed him the basics of her job, and was off making copies, so it wasn't like Merlin had anything better to do. 

While he watched Arthur, Merlin realized he didn't make all of the normal facial expressions he usually did when it was just the two of them, but sometimes he exclaimed loudly when he pieced something together and he always rested his pen near his mouth. Most of the time he just had his eyes glued on the pages, occasionally mouthing words as he read. 

" _You._ "  

Merlin jumped at the unexpected voice, banging his knee on Elena's desk. Of course _Uther_ would show up on an otherwise pleasant day. 

Uther didn't look impressed as Merlin straightened in his chair, plastered on a fake smile and said, "Nice to see you too, sir."

" _What_ are you doing here?" Uther demanded, his gaze full of cold fury. 

"Training." Merlin answered, refusing to squirm under his gaze. 

" _Training_?" Uther repeated. "For what?" 

"I'm going to take over Elena's duties while she's away on maternity leave," Merlin said. 

Uther didn't even hesitate as he said, " _Absolutely_ not," and stormed into Arthur’s office. 

Merlin jumped up immediately, but he caught Arthur looking at him through the glass walls of his office. He shook his head at Merlin before he turned his attention to Uther, his body becoming a rigid line. 

Uther didn't resort to shouting this time, but Merlin knew he was chewing Arthur out by the checked out look Arthur kept pinned on his father. Arthur didn't say a word for over ten minutes, and when he finally did it only served to make Uther turn red in renewed fury. 

But Arthur didn't let him dominate the conversation again, he spoke calmly, and firmly with no room for his father to get a word in. Merlin saw Uther start to deflate until he was just standing there, silent, eyes locked with his son's. 

Finally, Merlin saw Uther nod slightly, then turn and leave the office. He didn't so much as glance at Merlin as he headed to the elevators. 

Merlin immediately went to check on Arthur. "Are you okay?" he asked when he stepped into the office. 

Arthur, who was now slumped in his chair, nodded. "Father was simply telling me how inappropriate it was to hire you despite your lack of qualifications, but when I pointed out that at least you would be making your own money now and wouldn't have to rely on me as much, he calmed down a bit. Though he still doesn't like you."

"I don't think he ever will," Merlin said. 

"Well he's going to have to find some way to tolerate you," Arthur said,"cos you're my friend and I plan for you to be around for a very long time."

Merlin smiled, filling with happiness at Arthur’s words. "I suppose he will."

Arthur returned his smile, turning a bit pink, then straightend in his chair. "Think about what you want for dinner. We'll leave at five."

Merlin nodded and left Arthur to get back to work. 

 

* * *

 

Both Merlin and Arthur were surprised to find Lance waiting outside their apartment with food, disrupting their plan to order in. 

"Need a break from all the fighting?" Arthur guessed as Lance stood up. 

"Desperately. Elyan got accepted into the Police Academy today and now they're having a row," Lance explained. 

Merlin shook his head.

Arthur unlocked the door, and gestured for the other two to go in first. They went the living room were Lance sorted out the burgers he’d brought. 

It took fifteen minutes for them all to decide on a movie, but then they all settled comfortably on the couch, Aithusa sleeping on the armrest since the three of them had ignored him in favor of eating. 

About twenty minutes in, they had to pause the movie so Merlin could run to the bathroom. Aithusa woke up just to follow him. 

Arthur had just taken the last bite of his burger when Lance said, "You two seem quite affectionate."

Arthur forced himself to keep calm and simply shrugged as he shoved the last of his fries into his mouth. 

"You two were holding hands when you came home and you've barely stopped touching since," Lance said.

_We were?_

Arthur just looked at him. 

"Is there something you need to tell me?" Lance asked. 

Arthur swallowed. "No. That's just how we are."

Lance didn't appear to believe him. 

"It's the truth," Arthur insisted.

Lance studied him a moment.  "Arthur do you - "

Merlin's voice came from down the hall. "I don't know why Aithusa insists on following me everywhere."

Arthur looked away from Lance and up at Merlin as he walked in with Aithusa clutched to his chest. "He like a duckling that's imprinted on you," Arthur joked.

Merlin chuckled. "It's actually pretty cute, but not so much when I'm in the bathroom and he keeps sticking his little paws under the door while meowing like I'm breaking his heart by keeping him out."

"Well you probably are. He already loves you, anyone can see that," Arthur said and maybe his heart stuttered when saw the way Lance was looking at him.

He had to resist the urge to shout, "I'm not in love with, Merlin!" in response. He wasn't. It was just a crush, it wasn't the same thing.

Not yet at least. 

Merlin took his seat in the middle and offered Aithusa to Arthur. "He loves you too, you know. I've caught him sleeping outside your door a few times."

"Really?" Arthur asked, surprised. He scratched Aithusa under his chin, the kitten lifting his neck so he could have better access. 

Merlin nodded and Arthur suddenly felt very fond of the little guy. He set Aithusa on his lap, pushed play on the movie and ignored the way Lancelot was watching them. 

 

* * *

 

After Lance left, they had watched another movie, then Arthur insisted he needed to get started on the next installment of the _Thorn Chronicles_ and Merlin could hardly complain when he looked so _excited_ about it. He decided to look through the last of the submissions they currently had, and then maybe read the last chapter of _King of New Orleans._

They settled on opposite ends of the couch, Aithusa choosing to settle in between Arthur's legs. Arthur pretended to be annoyed, but Merlin caught the smile before Arthur hid it behind the manuscript. 

As he read through a decent submission, he started to feel his day start to catch up to him. He hadn't been particularly busy as Elena had done most of the work while he simply observed, but he was still tired. 

He understood why Arthur wanted him to take the position. It would get him out of the house for awhile at least, and keep him busy instead of him sleeping all day. 

He stopped reading, but kept his eyes on the manuscript while he considered what Arthur was offering. A chance to earn his own money, a chance to become a functioning member of society again. 

_Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to work for Arthur._

He would wake up each morning, dress for work, eat whatever Arthur made for breakfast, then go with him to the office where he would field calls, schedule appointments, do anything Arthur needed. They would take long lunches, and return to the office for a few more hours then come home and relax, make dinner, watch Netflix - if they didn't go out or get a surprise visit from their friends. After awhile they would probably end up on the couch just like this, Aithusa happy to curl up on either one of them until they inevitably went to bed just to do the same thing the next day. 

_It actually sounds quite appealing._

Merlin let himself sit on it for a bit, but he knew he’d already made his decision in the elevator when he saw how distressed Arthur looked at the possibility he would say no. 

He looked up from the manuscript and kicked Arthur’s foot, causing the other man to look up at him. "I'll do it."

Arthur looked confused for a moment, then he smiled, so big that Merlin felt his heart swell at the sight of it.

And wasn't _that_ interesting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think so far!
> 
> Honestly, I'm excited for the next few chapters and I don't even have them finished yet.


	12. Take A Bite Out of My Heart Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long, I got distracted writing something else! Well, a few different things actually and then lost all my will to write for awhile.

Merlin groaned quietly as his alarm blared. He had long since gotten used to getting up early for work, but today it was going off an hour and a half earlier than normal because it was Arthur’s birthday and he wanted to make breakfast. 

He forced himself out of bed, grabbed his phone and made a quick stop to the bathroom before going to the kitchen. He pulled out all the ingredients he needed for his mother's cinnamon rolls and wasted no time in getting started.  

Today was a Wednesday which meant that he and Arthur would be at work for most of the day and his birthday couldn't be properly celebrated until the weekend when the rest of their friends would be free. Still, Merlin had made a few plans to make the day just a little more special.  

Starting with breakfast. 

Once he’d finally set the cinnamon rolls in the oven and cleaned up the kitchen,  he filled Aithusa's food and water dishes but the kitten didn't appear. Merlin looked all around for him, but didn't see him. Then, just as he'd given up so he could take a shower, he noticed Arthur’s door was cracked opened. 

Curious, he went over and looked into Arthur’s room where he saw Aithusa splayed out across Arthur's chest. 

Merlin smiled,  something warm, and easily recognisable stirring in his chest as he watched them sleep for a moment, but he tamped it down immediately. If he acknowledged what _it_ was, _it_  would become real and if _it_ became real, Merlin would _not_ react well. 

He quietly backed away and went to take a shower, silently wishing the smell that would eventually permeate the apartment wouldn't wake Arthur before the rolls were done. 

After his shower, he changed into some of the clothes Arthur had made him buy for work. He actually hadn't had any say in his new wardrobe, as Elena and Gwen had accompanied him and picked everything out. Arthur, of course, hadn't even blinked when they told him how much they'd spent. He'd been way too amused by Merlin's comment of _"They made me their own personal Ken doll. It was terrible."_ and simply smirked. 

Aithusa was outside the bathroom when he opened the door. He meowed at Merlin, and allowed himself to be picked up, immediately climbing up Merlin's chest and getting on his shoulder. 

Merlin huffed. "Why do you always insist on being on my shoulder? All you do is lose your balance and dig your claws into me!"

Aithusa was too busy sniffing Merlin’s ear with his little wet nose to care about the complaint. Merlin grabbed him and settled him against his chest before going to the kitchen. 

It smelled heavenly and Merlin couldn't wait to eat one of the mouth watering pastries. 

He checked the timer on the stove, and found he still had fifteen minutes until they would be ready. He set Aithusa on the floor after a few quick kisses to the top of his head and put the coffee on. 

Once that was done, Merlin snuck down the hall towards Arthur’s room to see if he was awake yet, Aithusa darting in front of him to get there first. The bed was empty and when Merlin stuck his head into the room he could hear the shower running. 

_Perfect._

He darted to his room and grabbed the first present he had for Arthur, Aithusa chasing after him. He went back to Arthur’s room and set it on top of his dresser before darting out again.

Merlin returned to the kitchen while Aithusa went to the living room, obviously bored of following him around now. As soon as the timer dinged he pulled the cinnamon rolls out and set the tray on top of the stove, then filled two mugs of coffee and plated two of the big pastries. 

Arthur walked in just as he finished setting the table. 

"I suppose this little guy is _your_ doing?" Arthur asked, shaking the brown bear in his hand. It was a medium sized teddy with a little golden crown on its head, a red cape around his shoulders and a sword in one paw. 

"Yup." Merlin confirmed with a smile. "Happy Birthday."

Arthur smiled back. "Thank you. And I must admit, I'm not really one for stuffed animals, but there's something quite charming about this little guy. I just can't put my finger on it."

"Is it the crown perhaps?" Merlin suggested playfully. 

"Hmmm. Maybe." Arthur said dismissively, but the way his lips twitched gave him away. 

Merlin had been anticipating the tight hug Arthur pulled him into, but not the extraordinarily loud grumble of Arthur’s stomach. 

Merlin laughed as he pulled away. "Let's eat." 

Arthur looked a little embarrassed, but nodded. He placed the bear on his lap as he sat down. 

Merlin couldn't help but smile wider at the sight of Arthur dressed all proper for work with a teddy perched carefully in his lap. "I thought I'd make you mum's specialty for breakfast. I hope you don't mind."

Arthur smiled back at him reassuringly. "Of course I don't. In fact, I was sort of hoping you’d make me another of your mother's recipes. I still dream about that apple pie you made."

Merlin chuckled. "Well, I hope you like these just as much."

"Only one way to find out," Arthur said as he picked up his roll. He took a fairly large bite, letting out a content sigh after he’d swallowed it.

"Well?" Merlin prodded. 

"Amazing, terrific, _heavenly_ ," Arthur praised. "Even better than the pie."

Merlin preened at the praise. "That's a relief. I wouldn't want to start off your birthday with something that was only _delicious_."

Arthur laughed before taking another bite of his cinnamon roll. And maybe the sound of it made Merlin feel all warm inside, but he definitely wasn't going to acknowledge that. 

Merlin tore off a chunk of his own cinnamon roll and stuffed it into his mouth. He moaned loudly in appreciation just to make Arthur blush like he always did. They chatted about nothing important as they ate and occasionally Aithusa would rub up against one of them begging for attention.

It was nice. Domestic. 

And it made Merlin ache in a strange way, but he refused to dwell on it. It was Arthur’s birthday after all and he wasn't going to ruin it with another breakdown. 

 

* * *

 

Arthur finished off one of the cinnamon rolls he’d brought to work and sighed contentedly. They really were amazing and if he was honest, knowing they were made specifically for _him_ made him feel all warm inside. He licked off the frosting from his fingers and adjusted the stuffed bear on his lap as he refocused on his computer screen. 

He hadn't been lying when he said he wasn't usually one for stuffed animals, but since this one was from Merlin, it made the bear very special. Maybe bringing it to work was a little much, but Arthur hadn't been able to resist stuffing it into his bag before they took off that morning. He really was hopeless when it came to Merlin it seemed. 

"Arthur." 

Arthur looked up from his computer screen to see his father standing in front of him.  He straightened in his chair immediately.

"Father," Arthur greeted, trying to pretend he wasn't startled. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday and see if you’d care to have lunch with me to celebrate," Uther said. 

Arthur hesitated, his eyes sliding over to look at Merlin. They hadn't officially made plans for lunch but it was usually an unspoken agreement between them anyway. 

Uther seemed to notice where he was looking because he said, "Merlin can come too." And Arthur must've made a face because he added, "I promise to be nice." 

Arthur nodded, still feeling hesitant. "All right, but if you saying anything untoward, we're leaving."

Uther nodded. "Meet me at Henry's in half an hour."

"I'll see you then," Arthur said. 

Uther left his office after offering up a brief smile, and a few seconds later Merlin appeared in the doorway. 

"Is everything all right?" Merlin asked, concern clear in his voice. 

"Yes. My father just wanted to wish me a Happy Birthday and invite me to lunch," Arthur explained, standing up.

"Oh." Merlin sounded relieved. 

"You’re invited too." Arthur said. 

Merlin grimaced. "Do you think it's a good idea for me to come? He _really_ doesn't like me."

"No, he _really_ doesn't," Arthur agreed, "but he did promise to be on his best behaviour so I'm sure it will be fine."

Merlin gave him a skeptical look. 

"We can always leave," Arthur pointed out. 

"Right." Merlin said, still sounding unsure. "Just let me get my things."

Arthur nodded. He waited until Merlin left before he pulled King Bearington out of his lap and stuffed him back into his bag. He really did like the bear, but he didn't want to get caught with him at work. Nor did he want to say his name out loud. 

His phone buzzed just as he slung his bag over his shoulder. 

| _Happy Birthday. That new roommate of yours has your present_. |

Arthur furrowed his brow. This was the first he’d heard from Morgana in awhile and he was a little confused as to how Merlin would have a present from her. 

|  _Thank you._ |

| _Sorry I couldn't visit. I'm just too busy right now_. |

| _It's alright. I know how that is._ |

| _What are you doing right now? Can I call you?_ |

| _About to have lunch with Father. Wish me luck._ |

|  _Good luck, Birthday Boy. Love you._ |

| _Love you too_. |

Arthur pocketed his phone and left his office. He found Merlin standing by his desk, talking to someone on his phone. 

"Gwen, that sounds really gross. Maybe you should go to a doctor." Merlin said. He made a few little noises in acknowledgement to whatever she was saying. "Gwen, I have to go, but you should call Elena. She's been complaining all day about how bored she is at home. Uh - huh. Love you too. Bye."

"Everything all right?" Arthur questioned as Merlin put his phone away. 

Merlin nodded. "Gwen just feels a bit sick this morning is all."

"Oh." Arthur said as Merlin walked over to him. "I hope she didn't catch whatever Lance had."

They started making their way to the elevators. "I hope not. From his descriptions it was pretty gross."

"I don't even want to know." Arthur said before changing the subject. "Morgana says she gave you a present to give to me."

"Yeah. I was planning to give it to you tonight at dinner," Merlin told him. 

"Oh? Does this mean you have something special planned for dinner too?" Arthur asked.

" _Of course_." Merlin said. "You didn't think this morning was all I had planned for you did you?"

"Well, it _was_ a pretty great breakfast," Arthur said as he pushed the button to call for the elevator. "It'll be pretty hard to beat."

Merlin grinned. "I've been told I'm pretty good at out doing myself."

"Well, in that case, I'll be expecting something _spectacular_ ," Arthur teased. 

"I think I can do _spectacular_ ," Merlin told him confidently. 

Arthur felt Merlin’s hand brush the back of his and he grabbed it without thinking.They were still as tactile as ever, and while Arthur did try _not_ to be, his stupid feelings seemed to get in the way. His crush on Merlin had only gotten worse since he’d started working for Arthur. 

Being around other people seemed to have a very positive effect on Merlin. He didn't complain as much about not being able to nap, and oddly enough he didn't seem to be tired all the time like before despite having a job. He smiled more, teased Arthur constantly, and seemed to burrow himself deeper into Arthur’s heart every time he offered his unbridled support and affection. 

And while Arthur occasionally found him playing with Freya's ring or wearing Will's sweaters or studying his mother's recipes Merlin seemed to finally be adjusting to his new life without them. 

 

* * *

 

Lunch had been going by quite swimmingly. Uther had given Arthur a leather jacket and a brand new watch that probably cost more than Merlin's childhood home, and Arthur seemed to love them. He talked with his father cautiously at first, but Uther had kept his promise of being nice, and Merlin in turn had taken to engaging him in conversation so he’d eventually relaxed, Merlin too. 

And then Arthur had gone to the restroom. 

"So, Merlin," Uther said. "We both know you can't live off my son's generosity forever."

Merlin frowned down at his rice.

_Well that's a hell of a way to start a conversation._

"I wasn't planning to," he said, looking up to meet Uther's hard gaze.

Uther looked impassive. "What _are_ your plans then?" 

Merlin hesitated to answer. He'd been thinking about that a lot recently, and he knew what he wanted to do, but didn't know _how_ he was going to make it happen exactly. 

"Well?" Uther prompted. 

Merlin straightened up in his chair. "I'm going to find another job, and hopefully return to school next fall."

Uther's expression revealed nothing as he said, "Arthur tells me you want to become a veterinarian."

"I do." Merlin confirmed.

Uther seemed to consider him a moment. "He's told me quite a lot about you actually. In fact, he mentions you nearly every time we speak."

"He does?" Merlin questioned curiously.

Uther ignored him. "I'm going to be frank with you Mr. Emrys. I don't understand my son's fascination with you, but he's made it _very_ clear to me that you aren't going anywhere. So I am willing to be more... _tolerant_ of you, but I need you to prove that you aren't just using my son."

"I'm no - "

"Actions mean more to me than words Mr. Emrys." Uther interrupted. "So far, all I can see is that you've brought about a change in Arthur. He's happier now than I've seen him in quite some time and I'd hate for you to build him up just to tear him down."

Merlin stared at Uther, stunned by his concern for Arthur's happiness. It wasn't that he didn't know Uther cared about his son - Arthur did have _some_ good memories of the man that proved he did - but it was surprising that he would come to Merlin directly with his worries about his intentions. So far he’d seemed content to just voice them to Arthur who would then repeat them to Merlin. 

Merlin chose his words carefully, staring determinedly into Uther's eyes, "Arthur is my friend and all I want is for him to be happy. I _will_ prove to you that I really care about him and that I'm not after his money."

Uther studied him a long moment, then gave a small nod. "I hope that you do."

The waiter brought Arthur’s dessert just then, which was convenient since Merlin wasn't really sure what else to say to the man across from him. It was odd that Uther valued actions so much when he seemed to make all the wrong ones.

Arthur returned just as the waiter left. "Did I miss anything?" he asked as he sat down. 

"Nope," Merlin said neutrally. 

Uther stood and pushed in his chair. "I'm going to get back to work. You two enjoy the rest of your lunch, I'll take care of the check."

Before Arthur could stand, Uther walked over to him and put his hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. "Happy Birthday, Arthur."

"Thank you, father," Arthur said. 

Uther smiled at his son, then gave Merlin a curt nod before walking off. Merlin couldn't help but track the older man as he left, still reeling from their brief conversation.

"Do you want to split this?" Arthur asked, pulling Merlin’s attention to him.  

"Uh, sure," Merlin said. He was still a bit distracted by his conversation with Uther so stuffing his face seemed like the perfect way to keep Arthur from noticing. He had a feeling that if Arthur found out about the conversation he would only get upset and that was the last thing he wanted. Besides, it wasn't as if Uther had actually said anything bad, he’d just seemed concerned about his son. 

Merlin had meant what he’d said to Uther, but he hadn't told Arthur yet, wanting to get everything taken care of first. Having a job, and kitten had motivated Merlin into getting his life back on track. Both the structure and the reminder of how much he loved animals had finally made him feel ready to try again. It had been almost seven months after all, he’d had plenty of time to wallow. 

It wouldn't be easy to start over, but it was necessary if he ever hoped to recover the parts of himself he’d lost this year. 

 

* * *

 

Merlin finished setting up an appointment for Mr. Gerard to come in, setting the phone back in it's rightful place. He sighed when it immediately started ringing again. 

"Arthur Pendragon's office, this is Merlin, how may I help you?" Merlin greeted in a polite voice. 

" _Aww_ , you sound so professional," Gwaine cooed. 

"Shut up." Merlin said coldly. 

"Well that's not very nice," Gwaine said, feigning hurt in his voice. 

"Take it up with HR," Merlin told him. 

Gwaine huffed. "Maybe I will."

"And _maybe_ I'll just block your number." Merlin said. 

"You know, you've gotten a lot _meaner_ since you started working again," Gwaine complained.  

Merlin slumped comfortably in his chair. "Well maybe if a certain daddy-to-be didn't insist on calling me all the time, I wouldn't be so mean to him."

"But what _else_ would I do with my day?" Gwaine asked.

"Oh, I dont know, maybe stop being lazy and finish the designs for that elementary school?" Merlin suggested. 

"Yeah, yeah," Gwaine said with a tired sigh. "Is Princess in? I actually called to tell him Happy Birthday." 

"He's in. Hold on." Merlin said. He pushed the appropriate buttons then said, "Gwaine wants to speak to you."

"Put him through," Arthur said.

So he did and went back to reading a promising manuscript, waiting for something to happen. His job wasn't overly exciting, but it was easy enough and paid well so he wasn't going to complain.  

"Hey," said a familiar voice after a while.

Merlin looked up to see Kelsey standing in front of his desk. "Hey."

Kelsey sat in the chair across from him. "How's your day been?"

"Boring," He admitted. "Yours?"

"Same."

They talked for a bit, not having anything else to do and it was nice. Kelsey was probably the only friend he’d made in the office so far and though she was quite the gossip, Merlin still enjoyed her company. For awhile at least. 

The phone rang as Kelsey told him about someone named Logan getting his hand stuck in the vending machine. It was green so he said, "Hello?"

"You know, if you weren't my friend I would have fired you by now," Arthur informed him.

Merlin turned to look over at Arthur through the glass wall separating them. "I could say the same if I was your boss. Don't think I didn't notice the nap you took when we came back from lunch."

"I did no such thing," Arthur protested. 

" _Oh_? So I _didn't_ see you smack your head against your desk and jolt awake?" Merlin questioned mockingly. 

He saw Arthur frown. "Not if you were _really_ my friend."

Merlin snorted. "Well I hate to break it to you, but I managed to record it."

He didn't say he had been trying to take a picture because Arthur looked so cute slumped over in his chair, eyes closed, face resting against his palm. 

Arthur groaned. "Please tell me you didn't post it anywhere."

"No, but only because it's your birthday," Merlin said. 

"How _nice_ of you." Arthur said sarcastically. 

Merlin grinned at him. 

"You have until I get back from the bathroom to get back to work," Arthur told him. 

"Or what? You'll _fire_ me?" Merlin questioned. 

"Or I'll tell Gwen I need you fitted for a suit and tie."

Merlin's face dropped. "That's _dirty_. You know what happened the last time she got to dress me!"

Arthur smirked and hung up. Merlin put the phone back on the receiver and tracked Arthur as he walked out of his office and towards the restrooms. 

Kelsey said something, drawing Merlin’s attention to her.

"What?" He asked. 

"I said you two are adorable," Kelsey said. "Probably the cutest couple in the office."

Merlin spluttered, face heating up. "We - we're not - we aren't - it not like that!"

Kelsey stood up with a placating grin. "Honey, all the hand holding and unnecessary touching kind of gave it away."

Merlin didn't know how to come to his own defense because really, they _did_ touch each other a lot and it was hard to call it platonic when it happened so often. Kelsey didn't really seem interested in any excuses because she simply patted his hand and went back to her desk. 

He grabbed the manuscript from earlier and tried to force the conversation from his mind. It was incredibly difficult as once Arthur was back from the restroom, he insisted on invading Merlin’s personal space to look at his calendar. It didn't help that Arthur kept turning to look at him and tease him about his shorthand, flashing his teeth as he did. The sheer proximity of that slightly crooked smile made it hard to breath, and the force of it made his heart race. 

_No. No. No._

 

* * *

 

Merlin stared at the present over on his bed, suddenly feeling like it was too much - like it said too much. After all, not only was it a very meaningful present, but it had also been quite the process to find it. 

Getting Morgana's number had been easy, as had convincing her to help him. Going through musty old storage room after musty old storage room by himself had not. All he found were some antiques, curtains, and old paintings in the first three rooms, but in the fourth he had had found a small box labeled  _Ygraine_. 

When he opened it all he had found was a big, leather bound journal with the word Family written across it in gold lettering. Inside were pictures of the Pendragons, each with the story behind it written around it in handwriting that must have been _Ygraine's_. 

Merlin had only gone to look for the plastic sword Arthur had affectionately named  _Excalibur_ when he was seven. 

_Excalibur? Really?_

_Well I was named after_ the _King Arthur. I couldn't just ignore that, Merlin. Besides, it fit into the games me and Morgana played when father was away._

But the photo album had felt too important a discovery to pass up. And he _had_ looked through the last storage room for the sword, but hadn't found it anyway. 

_Now that I think about it, the sword also probably would've meant too much._

Merlin sighed. He was trying _not_ to acknowledge his feelings, but he suspected the album and digging through storage rooms for three hours - even if he had been looking for something else - probably exposed them. 

He picked up his present from the bed and then Morgana's from his dresser. He hoped Morgana had given him something sentimental too.

Merlin walked down the hall and knocked on Arthur’s door. 

"Almost ready." Arthur called. 

"Okay. I'll be in the kitchen," Merlin said before he walked off. Once in the kitchen he made sure to fill Aithusa's food and water dishes, the kitten appearing out of nowhere as soon as he heard his bowl being filled. 

Merlin pet him a couple times, then left him to sit at the table. 

He pulled out his phone and stared at his last messages with Lancelot after he unlocked it. He hadn't told his best friend about the feelings that must not be named, but he probably would soon. He didn't think he could deal with them alone. 

His phone buzzed and he saw he had a text from Percy. 

| _Wanna_   _come with me to the library on Sunday?_ |

|  _Sure._ | 

|  _Cool._ |

_I wonder what's bugging him this time._

Arthur finally appeared, looking refreshed and a bit different. 

"Did you get your hair cut when I took my impromptu nap?" Merlin asked as he pocketed his phone. 

Arthur grinned, running a hand through his freshly cut hair. "I did. What do you think?"

_I think you look impossibly more handsome and I might just cry._

"It's certainly a step up from how you normally look," Merlin teased as he stood up. 

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I don't know why I bother asking."

Merlin grinned at him cheekily as he reached to fix the collar of Arthur’s new leather jacket - an excuse to touch him really - and said. "I think you must be a bit of a masochist."

"Must be."

Merlin scanned Arthur’s outfit, very much enjoying how nice he looked in a simple white shirt under his leather jacket and a pair of dark jeans. 

"Like the view?" Arthur joked when Merlin's eyes found their way up to his. 

It sounded a little like flirting which made Merlin’s stomach churn nervously."More than usual at least." 

"Since I'm apparently a masochist, I'll take that as a yes," Arthur told him. "Ready?"

Merlin nodded and outstretched his hand. 

"What?" Arthur questioned, looking confused. 

Merlin made a 'gimme' gesture. "Keys." 

Arthur reached into his jacket pocket and fished out his keys, promptly dropping them in Merlin’s hand. "So I'm guessing wherever you’re taking me is a surprise?"

Merlin picked up the presents from the table. "Yup."

 

* * *

 

Merlin had ended up taking Arthur to Giovanni's thinking it was probably the nicest place he could reasonably afford. Luckily, Arthur seemed to be happy enough with his choice. He would've let Arthur choose, but he’d had a feeling Arthur would've chosen somewhere really cheap and Merlin wanted to take him somewhere just a little fancier than Lachie's or iHop.

He waited until they were mostly through with dinner before announcing it was present time. He handed over Morgana's first, hoping her gift could somehow overshadow his. 

Unfortunately, Morgana had simply given him a bottle of wine. He supposed he probably should have figured that out from the moment he saw the skinny black bag she'd given him when she'd handed over the storage keys. 

_Why didn't I look?_

Arthur seemed happy with the present, "It's my favorite. I suppose this means I'll have to get her that bracelet she unsubtly hinted at."

Merlin quickly noted the wine before Arthur put it away. It probably cost an arm and a leg, but it might come in handy someday to know. 

"So, what else did you get me?" Arthur asked curiously. 

Merlin felt his heart start to race as he picked up the book and handed it over. 

_Please don't let it say too much._

Arthur tore apart the gold wrapper fairly quickly. He looked at the book curiously then up at Merlin. 

"Open it," Merlin urged. 

Arthur did and Merlin witnessed the exact moment he realized what it was. His eyes widened then snapped to Merlin. "This is - its... _Merlin."_

And now Arthur was looking at him so intensely, so full of awe and Merlin found it hard to breathe. 

"How did you find this? Where was it?" Arthur asked, looking down and touching the book reverently.

"I - uh - asked Morgana if she knew where Excalibur was and she gave me the key to your father's storage units so I could look for it, but I found this instead," Merlin explained, feeling himself turning red. 

Arthur closed the book after a moment and looked up at him with a soft smile.  "Thank you, Merlin. I - This book it....it means more to me than you know."

"You're welcome, Arthur," Merlin said. 

Arthur's smile widened, but the way he was looking at Merlin made the atmosphere feel very charged. 

"I told you I could do spectacular," Merlin said, heart stuttering at the way Arthur was looking at him. 

His expression was too full, too intense, and overflowing with warmth. 

And it said everything Merlin was afraid his present would. 

And _oh_. 

Merlin couldn't ignore  _that_. His heartbeat picked up again and his eyes widened as realization hit him like a ton of bricks. 

_Arthur has feelings for me!_

Arthur looked away abruptly, clearing his throat. "You certainly did. You always seem to find new ways to surprise me. I think this was the best birthday I've had in awhile."

Merlin had to clear his throat too. "Yeah, well I'm glad."

They both went quiet for a moment, then Arthur finally looked at him again, asking, "Do you want dessert?" 

Merlin shook his head, afraid of what he might say with the way his thoughts were running a mile a minute. 

 _"_ Are you ready to go home then?"

Merlin nodded and Arthur signaled for the check. 

Merlin looked down at his lap as soon as Arthur looked away from him. It had been easy to tamp down his feelings over the past few weeks, but now that he knew Arthur felt the same - or at least he thought he did - Merlin didn't think it would be possible anymore.  

_What am I going to do now?_

"Merlin?" Arthur questioned. "Are you alright?"

Merlin looked up and forced a smile. "Yeah. I'm still a bit tired."

Arthur still seemed concerned. "Are you sure?"

Merlin nodded. "I guess that nap wasn't enough."

Arthur accepted his explanation with a nod. The waitress came over and handed Arthur the check, but as soon she was gone, Merlin wrestled it away from him. 

Merlin reached for his wallet. "My treat, remember?" 

Arthur smiled at that. "I could get used to you spoiling me like this."

Merlin snorted.  "It's only for today, rich boy."

Arthur laughed. "You almost make that sound like an insult."

Merlin pulled out the appropriate bills and put it in the billfold. "If I wanted to insult you, I would've called you something more fitting. Like clotpole. Or dollophead. Or prat."

"And here I thought those were just your affectionate nicknames for me," Arthur said with amusement in his voice. 

"Oh? Must've been the blonde in you," Merlin teased. 

"Are you calling me dumb?" 

Merlin felt relieved to be on safe, familiar ground.  "Well if you have to ask..."

"Gwaine was right, you _have_ gotten a lot meaner since you started working again," Arthur muttered, picking up his book to stare at the cover. 

Merlin chuckled. "I suppose he _must_ be if _you're_ agreeing with him."

Arthur didn't respond immediately,  too busy tracing the golden lettering on the photo album, a soft expression washing over his face when he finally said, "Yes, well, despite the snark,  _Mer_ lin I'd still say you're pretty amazing - spectacular even."

And of course Merlin's stomach did a curious little flip at the words. 

 

* * *

 

Arthur felt relieved as he stepped into his apartment, Merlin trailing behind him. It had been a very good day, but he was exhausted. He went to the living room just to rest for a bit, Merlin following him wordlessly.

Something was up with him, that much was obvious, but Arthur couldn't seem to fathom out what it was. 

Arthur plopped down on the couch with the photo album in hand, Merlin sitting next to to him. He settled in a little more comfortably and opened the book. Aithusa appeared and jumped onto Merlin's lap begging for attention, but Arthur barely noticed as he stared at the picture of his mother, obviously pregnant, standing next to Uther who looked happier - and younger - than Arthur could ever remember him being. 

He started reading the caption aloud. "Morgana should finally be here in two more weeks. I can't wait to meet my baby girl and pepper her with kisses. I love her so much already. Uther has been too afraid to leave my side for long and while it's rather cute, I might just throttle him if he goes into another frenzy when I'm just getting up to pee! I think its safe to say he's just as excited as I am too meet our little girl!"

Merlin slotted himself right against Arthur so he could look at the pictures better, making sure to keep Aithusa in his lap - they had had too much trouble keeping him off the manuscripts as it was. "Your mother is beautiful," Merlin commented. "And your father actually looks....soft."

"Soft?" Arthur questioned, but as he studied the young, dark haired Uther he thought he might have understood.

"Well yeah, I mean, when you look at him now all you see are hard lines etched in stone, but here they hardly exist." Merlin explained. 

Arthur brushed his fingers across the picture, over Uther's face. "You're right."

"Look!" 

Arthur looked down to the next picture, one of baby Morgana, Ygraine, and Uther at the hospital. Arthur slowly, but surely made his way through the period of time before he was born, taking turns with Merlin at reading the captions. Reading his mother's handwriting stirred up so many emotions it was a bit overwhelming, but Arthur managed to push through without crying. 

Finally, he turned a page and found a picture of Morgana kissing Ygraine's pregnant belly.

"I can't believe I'm already seven months pregnant! My little King is almost here! I meant to track this pregnancy in this book, but between Morgana, hormones, and work I just haven't had time. Though maybe it's a good thing I didn't keep track, I've been a little sensitive about my weight lately and I might burst into tears if I saw how big I'd gotten over the past few months."

Arthur felt tears in his eyes, but looked down to the next picture anyway and there he found himself sleeping in Ygraine's arms while Morgana looked at him curiously, Uther and Ygraine both smiling down at him. 

"My littlest King has finally come, and I can already tell he's meant for even greater things than his namesake." Merlin read with a fondness in his tone that brought that familiar rush of affection in Arthur's chest because of course Ygraine's words were important to him too. 

They went through the rest of the pictures much as they had the first ones, with the exception that Arthur had to wipe his eyes every now and then. Eventually they reached the last picture. 

It was one of Arthur and Yrgaine in a gazebo. Arthur's head was in his mother's lap, and she was reading to him. 

This time the caption next to it was not in the same neat handwriting that had accompanied all the others, instead it was messier and more hastily written. 

Merlin started reading before Arthur could. "My love, it's been a month since you passed, but I found this picture and knew there was only one place to put it. Do you remember this? Reading Vonnegut to our boy in the garden? You were both so happy that day and we all went out for ice cream to celebrate Morgana making the football team. Arthur almost threw a tantrum because they ran out of strawberry, but then Morgana taunted him into getting mint instead. What was it she said? Only losers stick to one flavor? Or was it only crybabies throw tantrums? Whatever it was he calmed down."

"Who could've guessed that would be the last family outing we got to have? I miss you terribly my love, we all do. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now that you're gone. I feel as if I've lost my heart and it won't ever return. Our children are trying their best to relearn the world without you, but I don't know if I can. For you, Morgana and Arthur I will try, but we both know I've never been good with emotions, not on my own, so please promise me you'll forgive me if I fail. Yours always, Uther."

Arthur tried to blink away the tears, but they insisted on falling. He dropped his head onto the back of the couch and slung his arm over his eyes. He felt the weight of the book disappear from his lap then he felt something small and wet touch the hand that had propped up the book. 

He reached blindly and pet Aithusa as best he could without moving as he cried, but it wasn't enough. He moved his arm, his bleary vision not much help as he launched himself at Merlin. Merlin let out a soft grunt as their bodies collided, but then he wrapped his arms around Arthur, not saying anything, even as Arthur buried his face against his neck. 

Merlin rubbed Arthur’s back and just let him cry silently. 

Arthur had always known Ygraine's death had changed his father, hardened him to the world, but to read it in Uther's own handwriting had been too much. 

It took Arthur a while to get it all out, but he couldn't even pretend to be embarrassed, even when he was simply just being held by Merlin, no more tears to be shed. 

"I didn't mean to make you cry on your birthday," Merlin said eventually.

Arthur let out a puff of air that was his weak attempt at a laugh. "Well, you're full of surprises, remember?"

Merlin hummed. "I think maybe this one was too much."

Arthur pulled away from Merlin a bit to shake his head. "No. It was amazing, really. I just - I never thought my father could be so honest with how he felt."

"I didn't either." Merlin admitted. "Maybe he's just forgotten how." 

Arthur nodded, settling against Merlin again. "It's a shame because if he just let me know what he was a thinking maybe I wouldn't resent him so damn much."

Merlin hummed again and patted his back. Arthur took that as a sign to pull away, so he did, reluctantly, but that proved to be his fatal mistake. 

When he looked up and actually took in Merlin's face, he saw he had been crying too. He reached up to wipe away the tears automatically, but then he cupped Merlin’s cheek and smiled. Of course Merlin would cry with him. Of course he understood what all this meant to him.  Of course he would smile back brightly and wipe away the lingering tear trails on Arthur’s cheek. 

Of course Arthur was doomed to fall for him.

"What?" Merlin questioned, and Arthur realized he had been staring, but couldn't bring himself to care. 

"Nothing - I - "

_I love you._

Arthur felt butterflies in his stomach at the thought. Had he really fallen for Merlin so quickly? 

 _I love you,_ he thought as Merlin watched him curiously. 

And it felt just as right the second time. 

Afraid he might be dumb enough to actually say the words out loud, Arthur settled for a physical way to let out his overflowing affection. 

He laughed and kissed the tip of Merlin’s nose - he could pass that off as platonic right? - but once he did that it didn't seem like enough. Though as he was going for just one more, Merlin shifted suddenly, causing their lips to meet in a chaste kiss, their noses bumping together at the clumsy movement. 

Arthur was surprised by the change in position, but closed his eyes and kissed him more firmly. Merlin kissed back in equal measure, making Arthur feel giddy.  He started to cup Merlin's face in both of his hands, but before he could, Merlin suddenly shoved him away. 

Arthur opened his eyes and saw Merlin staring at him with wide, panic filled ones.  

It came back to him then why he had refrained from saying or doing anything about his feelings. 

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

"I - um - Merlin - " 

His failed attempt at speaking prompted Merlin to move. In a blink of an eye, Merlin was running to his room.

"Merlin!" Arthur called, jumping up to go after him.

He tripped over his shoes that he’d kicked off earlier and fell to the floor with a loud thud, but it was Merlin's door slamming shut that caused him actual pain. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, this was the best place to end the chapter :)
> 
> Please let me know what you think so far!
> 
> I'll try not to take too long in getting the next chapter up!
> 
> You can find me [here](http://knownasemrys.tumblr.com) in the meantime.


	13. Mila

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the rating bc I've decided to leave out any m rated scenes since I'm not a big fan of writing them. Like I wrote one recently for another fic (not Merthur) and it just confirmed I don't really like writing about Mature things. 
> 
> Anyways, sorry I took so long!

Merlin shut his bedroom door and immediately slid down to the floor. He covered his face with his hands, unsurprised to find he was already crying.  This wasn't how he wanted this night to go. 

This wasn't how he wanted his first kiss with Arthur to go. 

But he couldn't take it back now. 

He had gotten caught up in the moment - the way Arthur was looking at him too inviting - and then he'd kissed Merlin’s nose, but that wasn't quite what  _Merlin_  had wanted. So he’d moved without thinking and _that_ was the problem. 

He wasn't ready for kissing, or dating or having sex or falling in love. Not when he still ached for Freya. Not when every kiss, every date, every declaration of love would be tarnished with guilt. Not when he was haunted by blue eyes, shy smiles, and long black hair that he had loved to run his fingers through. 

Freya was supposed to be it for him and when he lost her he had been so sure he would never love again. After all, everyone always says there's only one perfect person for you and Merlin had been convinced that was Freya. But now he wasn't sure. Maybe you get more than one great love in your life.

Merlin sniffed. He really wished he could talk to his mom. He really wished Will was there to tell him he was being dramatic. He wished he could tell Freya he would always love her. He wished Arthur was there hugging him as tight as he always did - like he was singlehandedly determined to keep Merlin together.

Merlin wiped at his eyes, swallowing thickly. 

_Wishing and crying isn't going to fix anything._

He dropped his hands from his eyes and leaned his head back against the door. He was still crying and he didn't think he would stop anytime soon. 

_What am I going to do about Arthur? I'm not ready for this but...I don’t think it's fair to ask him to wait around for me._

Merlin closed his eyes and let out a long drawn out sigh. He needed to make a decision and he needed to make it tonight or else things would be weird with Arthur and he didn't want that. He valued his friendship with Arthur too much to let _this_ come between them. 

So he did the only thing he could think of - he called Lance and told him everything. 

 

* * *

 

After Merlin had run out on him, Arthur had spent some time laying on the floor, contemplating what he was going to do about his major fuck up. He knew Merlin wasn't ready for anything, but he had gotten caught up in the moment and kissed him anyway. Sure, Merlin might have been the one to make it a real kiss, but if Arthur had just kept to himself, reigned in his emotions, things wouldn't have gone so terribly. 

He decided to just apologize and let Merlin know he didn't expect anything to change between them. Not until he was ready. 

And then Arthur had gotten on the couch and stared at Merlin’s door for a while, hoping he would come out so they could talk, but an hour passed and he hadn't heard a peep from Merlin’s room. Still, he wasn't ready to sleep, too full of anticipation, and had ended up playing Overwatch just to distract himself. Aithusa curling up in his lap in between queues and Arthur pet him during respawns and match set ups until the cat fell asleep.

His heart skipped a beat when he finally heard Merlin's door open. It took all of his willpower not to look, which led to him panicking at the sight of an enemy Tracer and shooting his helix rockets too close and killing himself. 

Merlin sat next to him just as he respawned, but he didn't say anything so Arthur kept playing, even though he felt like his heart was going to beat out of chest and he was doing terribly.

The match ended two minutes later and Arthur left immediately, mentally preparing himself to speak. 

"I'm sorry." Merlin apologized, causing Arthur to turn towards him. 

" _You’re_ sorry? For  _what_?" Arthur asked, confused. 

"For running out on you," Merlin clarifed. 

Arthur shook his head. "Merlin  _I_  should be the one apologizing.  _I'm_  the one who couldn't control himself."

Merlin grabbed his left hand, putting it in between both of his. "No, Arthur, you don’t need to apologize. I'm the one that kissed _you_ , remember?"

"But if I hadn't - "

Merlin clamped his free hand over Arthur’s mouth. "No matter what you say, this one's on me. I saw the way you’d been looking at me and I got caught up in the moment. Even if you hadn't decided to kiss my nose, I was _still_ going to kiss you. And I was _still_ going to run away after."

Arthur’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. 

Merlin dropped his hand from Arthur’s mouth. "See, I really like you Arthur, but I'm not - I  _can't_  - so  _soon_  - I just - "

Arthur squeezed Merlin's hand as he said, "I  _know_ , Merlin."

"You know?" Merlin questioned.

Arthur nodded.  "You don’t have to explain. I've held you while you cried over Freya and I've listened to you tell stories of her. I've seen you play with her ring when you think I'm not looking. I know you're not ready to move on and that's why _I_ wanted to apologize. I told myself I wouldn't say or do anything about my feelings until I thought you might be, but...you're kind of irresistible, you know?"

Merlin smiled at him. " I could say the same about you."

Arthur felt his face heating up as he said, "So we were basically doomed to fall for each other."

Merlin laughed and pulled Arthur into a hug. 

Arthur hugged him back tightly. He was glad this was going better than expected, but not really surprised because things were just _easy_ with Merlin. 

"So, what do we do?" Merlin asked, pulling away from him.

"Wait," Arthur said simply.

"You don't mind waiting?" Merlin questioned. 

Arthur shook his head, taking Merlin’s hand again. "No." 

"But what if I'm not ready a month, six months, a _year_ from now?"  Merlin asked. 

Arthur shrugged. "I like how we are now quite a lot actually. I'm not in any rush to change things. Even if you do make me feel like a teenager with his first crush."

Merlin looked down at their conjoined hands,  the tips of his ears going red. He didn't seem to know what to say to that so it took him a moment to respond. "As long as you’re sure. And if you change your mind, that's okay, but please tell me right away."

Arthur squeezed his hand again. "I'm not going to change my mind," Arthur said with certainty. 

"Oh, what do you know? You're just a teenager with his first crush." Merlin teased lightly, daring to look up at Arthur with a shy smile.

Arthur chuckled, but instead of addresing the teasing he said, "You know, you’re very cute when you blush. The tips of your ears go all red."

" _Arthur_ ," Merlin warned.

"Sorry, sorry, I couldn't resist," Arthur said, patting Merlin’s hand placatingly. 

Merlin put his free hand on top of Arthur's. "I'll let it slide because it's your Birthday, but you can't say stuff like that to me. Not yet at least."

Arthur nodded. "I won't," he promised. "I'll stick to sarcasm and teasing you about your terrible taste in TV shows and, well, _everything_."

Merlin smiled, and just as he opened his mouth to reply, both of their phones started ringing. 

 

* * *

 

Merlin stared into the vending machine, looking for the powdered doughnuts Arthur had asked for. They'd been at the hospital for hours waiting for the baby come and so far the most exciting thing to happen was Percy falling out of his chair as he slept. 

"Hey."

Merlin startled at the unexpected voice. He found Lancelot standing next to him and already knew why his best friend had followed him over here. "Hey," he greeted. 

"So, you and Arthur seem to be as close as ever," Lancelot commented, trying and failing to be subtle. 

Merlin would have sighed in irritation if he hadn't just been crying on the phone with Lance a little over four hours ago. He turned back to the vending machine to search for the doughnuts again. 

"Yeah. We sorted things out." Merlin told him. 

"And by sorted things out, you mean...?"

"I mean that I told him everything and he said he'll wait for me." Merlin said, trying not to blush. He finally found the doughnuts and pushed the correct buttons, refusing to look at Lance. 

"That's great!"

"Yeah," Merlin agreed fighting his smile as he bent down to grab the doughnuts. 

"Though I suppose this means Gwaine and I will have to have a talk with him at some point," Lance said. "Can't have him breaking your heart or anything."

Merlin groaned as he straightened back up. "You two live to embarrass me, don't you?"

Lance chuckled. "Maybe, but it's only because we care. And don't think Percy and Gwen won't do the same thing when they find out about this."

Merlin banged his head against the vending machine, groaning again. "I'm going to disown all of you." 

"Sorry, but I think it's a bit too late for that," Lance pointed out. "If it helps, we're all going to have the same talk with you, but we'll let Leon, Morgana and Uther have their turns first."

Merlin frowned. "You guys are going to be really annoying about all this aren't you?"

" _Maybe_." And it sounded like _definitely_. 

Merlin pushed off the vending machine and shook his head. 

Lance smiled at him, and said, "Jokes aside, I'm happy for you, both."

Merlin smiled too. "Thanks, Lance."

Lance gave him a brief hug, then pushed him out of the way so he could use the vending machine. Merlin chuckled and shoved at him, which somehow resulted in a slapping fight that required the purchase of another package of doughnuts. 

 

* * *

 

Merlin woke up to the feeling of something poking his face. He frowned and opened his eyes to see Gwaine's tired, but overjoyed face. 

"Gwaine - "

Gwaine put a finger to his lips, signaling for him to be quiet. 

Merlin looked around and saw the others were all fast asleep around him. Even Arthur who he had been sleeping against.

"Is she here yet?" Merlin whispered. 

"Come with me," Gwaine whispered, holding out his hand for Merlin to take. Merlin took it and let Gwaine lead him through the quiet hospital. 

"What time is it?" Merlin asked quietly. 

"A little past six." Gwaine answered. "My little girl was born at five thirty."

He sounded so happy, a gleam in his eyes as if he might just cry because of it. It made Merlin feel warm to see his friend like this. 

Elena was still awake when they entered her room, but she looked moments away from passing out. She smiled at the sight of Merlin, then looked down at her daughter who she held in her arms.  "Look, sweetie, your Uncle Merlin's come to visit us."

The little girl made a soft little noise as if acknowledging her mother. 

Merlin got as close to the bed as he could, eager to see his niece for the first time. She was small, pink and pudgy with light blonde hair and blue eyes. 

"Do you want to hold her?" Elena asked. 

Merlin nodded and was very carefully given the newborn. "Do you have a name for her?" 

"Mila." Gwaine answered proudly. 

Merlin looked down into Mila's eyes. "Hello, Mila. I'm your Uncle Merlin. It's nice to finally meet you."

Mila just watched him, shifting slightly in his arms. She looked almost as sleepy as her mother. 

"Are you tired, sweetie?" Merlin questioned gently. "Do you want me to sing you a lullaby?"

He looked up at Gwaine and Elena for permission and they both nodded, tired smiles on their faces. 

 _"Hush little baby don't say a word, Uncle Merlin's gonna buy you a diamond ring..."_ Merlin sang softly, gently rocking Mila in his arms. He watched her eyelids begin to droop as he kept singing. 

Two more abridged lullabies later and both she and Elena were fast asleep. Merlin set her down in the small bed the hospital provided and then Gwaine led him to the cafeteria. 

"She's adorable," Merlin said. "I thought with you as her father she might look a little funny." 

"You're one to talk with your Dumbo ears," Gwaine quipped. 

Merlin lightly shoved him and Gwaine just grinned. They got coffees and pudding cups and sat at a table. 

"Do you feel any different now that you're a dad?" Merlin asked before licking the pudding off the top foil. 

Gwaine took a long sip of his coffee before answering, "You know that cheesy thing all new dads say? That the moment I held her in my arms I knew I'd never love anything more? Or that holding her made me want to be a better man? I feel like that."

"Really?" Merlin questioned, and amused smile settling on his face.

"Really." Gwaine said, that happy gleam returning to his eyes. "I don't know what it is, but having a baby feels...it feels like the best thing I've ever done and I didn't expect it to feel like this. I mean, I don't know what kind of person she'll be, or if she'll even like me when she's older, but having someone _I created_ running around in the world - someone I know I'll always love. Someone I get to teach and take care of and embarass. It's exhilarating, mate."

Merlin's smile grew.. "I'm really happy for you guys. I know you're going to be great parents."

Gwaine smiled back, beaming. "Thanks, Merlin."

There was a brief lull in conversation as they took a moment to sip at their coffee and regain some of their energy. 

"So, how did Arthur's birthday dinner go?" Gwaine asked, finally opening his pudding cup.

Merlin took a deep breath as he decided what to tell Gwaine. He ended up telling him everything because he would find out eventually so he might as well hear it from Merlin. 

"Ah! Merlin, I believe I told you not to go and fall for, Princess," Gwaine said. "And what did you do?"

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Well, you were right. He's annoyingly perfect sometimes. I never stood a chance."

Gwaine clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Its so hard being right all the time."

Merlin kicked him under the table and Gwaine smirked. 

"So I assume you approve?" Merlin questioned. 

"I approve," Gwaine confirmed. "How could I not? He helped you when I couldn't. He made you smile and laugh when I thought I'd never see you do either again. And you got him to stop working so much and he's been so happy lately. I don't think any of us realized just how _unhappy_ he was until he suddenly wasn't anymore. You're good for each other."

Merlin looked down at his pudding cup. "I'm glad you think so. I thought you might tell me it was a bad idea to date my roommate."

"Maybe if it wasn't _Arthur_. And I know I give him a hard time, but I know he's a good man and you deserve one of those after all you've been through."

Merlin really hadn't wanted to cry, but if Gwaine kept talking like this he definitely would. "Thanks, Gwaine," he said, looking up at him with a smile. 

"Don't thank me yet," Gwaine said, his exhausted face turning serious. "Merlin, I know Arthur's helped pull you out of the worst of your funk, but I think it's time you seek professional help."

Merlin frowned. That was the last thing he had expected to hear. 

"Arthur can only do so much," Gwaine continued,"and I don't really think it's healthy to unload something like this on one person. And I know you probably still don't want to talk about it with me or the others yet and that's fine. You don't have to. I just think it would really help you. And I know we got into a fight the last time I mentioned it but - "

"I think you're right," Merlin said. He hadn't been considering it in his new life plans, but Gwaine had a good point. It wasn't fair to unload something so heavy on one person constantly. 

Gwaine looked stunned. "Really?"

Merlin nodded. "I know I bit your head off months ago when you suggested it, but now I think it might actually be a good idea."

"Oh," Gwaine said, sounding like he was thrown off from his original approach,"well, uh, you should tell Lance when you're ready. He's had a therapist friend in mind for a while now."

"Really?" Merlin looked at him curiously. "Then why is it _you're_ the only one who's suggested therapy this entire time?"

"Well we both thought you were likely to shoot the messenger and Lance volunteered, but I thought I should do it instead." Gwaine explained. "You'd already become a little defensive around me. Thought I could handle it if you shut me out a little more." 

Guilt gnawed at Merlin's insides. It was easy to forget he had been keeping Gwaine at arms length before he moved in with Arthur. 

"I'm sorry, Gwaine. You didn't deserve that." Merlin apologized, reaching across the table to squeeze Gwaine's hand. 

Gwaine offered a reassuring smile and put his other hand over Merlin's. "All is forgiven mate. Just please promise me you won't shut me out anymore."

"I promise." Merlin told him firmly. 

"I'm holding you to that." Gwaine said. 

Merlin nodded. He would keep his promise to Gwaine. He would. 

 

* * *

 

Arthur stared at Mila through the plexiglass, a big smile on his face as he watched her sleep. "She's beautiful, Gwaine."

"Yeah," Gwaine breathed, an awed expression on his face when Arthur stole a glance at him. It filled him with warmth just seeing how genuinely happy his friend looked. 

They watched her for a few moments in silence and then Gwaine said, "I talked to Merlin earlier and he told me what happened last night."

Arthur tensed. Lance might have been Merlin's best friend, but Gwaine was easily his biggest protector. "Oh, he did?"

"Yeah." Gwaine confirmed. "And I'm exhausted so I'll let Lance give you the _talk_ properly, but I just wanted to say that I love you both and I think you're well suited for each other."

Arthur relaxed, about to tell Gwaine he loved him too, but then Gwaine added, "Still, if you break that big heart of his, I _will_ disown you."

"And what if he breaks mine?" Arthur questioned. 

Gwaine considered the question for a moment, eventually saying, "I won't talk to him for a month - no! - a _week_."

Arthur huffed. "So I get cut off _forever_ but he gets a _week_?" 

Gwaine shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a sucker for that smile of his."

Arthur rolled his eyes, but he knew Gwaine saw the amused grin he tried to hide. 

Gwaine turned to him fully, looking more serious than Arthur could ever remember seeing him. "Just be good to him when he's ready, all right, Princess? He's been through so much and I just want him to be happy."

"That's all I want too," Arthur said, turning to face him. "I'll be good to him, I promise, Gwaine."

Gwaine smiled and put his hand on Arthur's shoulder. "Good. Now, I'm going to take a nap, but you should take Merlin home and get some sleep."

Arthur nodded. 

"Oh, and Happy Late Birthday," Gwaine said. "You'll get your present this weekend. Somehow."

"Thanks." 

Gwaine squeezed his shoulder, and then he shuffled away after stealing one more glance at his little girl. 

Arthur found Merlin alone in the lobby, everyone else having dispersed after meeting Mila and congratulating Gwaine and Elena. 

"Ready?" Arthur asked. 

Merlin stood up, stretching. "More than."

The ride home was quiet, both of them too tired to say anything or tolerate the radio being any louder than background noise. Arthur felt like they were forgetting something, but he couldn't figure out what. 

Aithusa greeted them as they entered their apartment, meowing at them loudly and demanding their attention.

Merlin picked him up and carried him off to his room with a mumbled  _g'night_ at Arthur who went to his own room, plopping down on his bed. The feeling he was forgetting something returned, but he was determined to ignore it. 

So of course it finally struck him as he was just about to fall asleep. 

"MERLIN!" Arthur shouted as he jolted upright. 

Merlin appeared in his doorway fifteen seconds later, holding a grumpy looking Aithusa. "What? What's wrong?"

"We have to go to work!"

Merlin’s eyes widened. "Oh, god, we're going to be late!" 

And then they both scrambled to get ready. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie I ended the last chapter just for the drama™️ and while there are gonna be some issues along the way, I want this to be a soft™️ story. 
> 
> Anyways, please let me know what you thought of this!
> 
> I would promise not to take long with the next chapter, but if you've stuck with me this far, you’d know I'd probably break it anyway. So. Until next time my dudes!


End file.
